Nathan is working on carrying all of the Christmas decorations upstairs.

I’m really excited for the holidays this year. Last year was not great. Actually, last winter was really hard. We lost people we love. It was just really hard.

It’s almost like the holidays didn’t really happen.

So we’re ready. Maybe we’re starting a little early. But we need it.

BUT I’m making plans for healthy baking/candy making. And we are planning several 5Ks. And I have clothes for winter running.

Bring on Christmas!

I was so psyched for today’s run. We really didn’t have any plans. So I made a plan: lunch/dinner in crockpot, clean house, run. And it would be all downhill from there.

I planned for a long, slow, easy run. I wasn’t intereted in speed at all, but I had a distance in mind. I really wanted another 5 miler. We took an easy run on Thursday, I took Friday off (yoga only), and was excited.

It stunk. Bad.

In the big scheme of things, not so much stink. Time is typical. I ran 3K.

But I am really disappointed. It was really hard. I almost always struggle for the first 5 minutes but then I hit my stride. But the usual initial struggle lasted the whole 23 minutes.

Problems? Legs were like lead. I felt like I was barely moving – like it was more of a glorified powerwalk than an actual run. So I started to focus on really picking up my feet. And that tired me out even more. I was also incredibly thirsty. So thirsty that I couldn’t even swallow my own spit. I know, gross. I have no idea what was going on. But it was horrible. Torture. When Jake the iPod announced that I had finished 1K, I almost cried. Thought about stopping right there on the sidewalk and throwing a tantrum.

It didn’t help that I had been so excited and instead was frustrated and disappointed. I told myself I wouldn’t accept anything less than 3K. I would not allow myself to stop before that. A part of me thought that if I gave myself permission to stop and pushed past that point, I’d find the motivation to keep going.

Wrong. At 3K, I was done. Done. So I quit right where I was and walked home.

So I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong. Here’s what I’ve got.

• I really wasn’t well hydrated. I usually drink at least 2 Nalgene bottles of water during my workday. I doubt I’d had half of a bottle over the course of my afternoon.
• I ran at 2. I’d had coffee, yogurt and granola around 9:30. That was it. I had no fuel left.
• I had planned on running to Jillian’s podcast. It didn’t stop where I left off and instead started over. I spent the first few minutes of my run trying to figure out how to skip through a podcast with the Nike+ thing still going. Without success. As much as I love Matt Wertz, he really wasn’t what I was planning on listening to. So that got me a little irritated and unfocused.

So tomorrow is a new day. With a new run.

And I’m ready for it.

(For those of you who have asked, I track my runs using the Nike+ iPod system. A little receiver plugs into my iPod and a little coin thing goes in my shoe. I love it. I never have to worry about remembering which streets I went up to measure distance or set anything to track my time. I push the center button and I go. She gives me verbal cues when I reach certain distances and I can get immediate feedback of distance, time, and calories just by pushing a button at any point in my run. I love it. But I’m very visual. Does anyone else use one? I’d love to have some friends in the Nike+ universe!)

I just wanted to pop in and let you all know that I’m okay! My lips still feel funny – like they want to explode with fever blisters, but they’re holding off. It sure kept me out of the cake leftovers today. So it served a purpose.

I ran. I showered. I cooked brinner (breakfast for dinner). The house smells like bacon. I’m getting ready to watch Grey’s. That’s all.

Anyone have big plans for the weekend?

Okay, people. I need you to tell me I’m not dying.

So my coworkers brought in cake today. For my birthday. White cake. White icing. From the grocery store.

I have a piece. A very small piece. How small? It’s a 9 inch cake. Half of it was split into 6 slices. I had a third. So, really, like the size of one of those Little Debbie Zebra cookies with the filling in the middle. Yes, just about that size. Like 4 good-sized bites that I turned into a lot of little bites. And I even ate the end with the cake, not the end with the icing on the side.

About 10 minutes later, I start to freak out.

I realize I don’t have a typical picture for comparison (because who takes pictures when they’re not smiling?), but my lips are swelling. I can feel it from the inside. It’s like they’re getting all bumpy. Kinda feels like a million fever blisters trying to break the surface. Swelling, tingling, very uncomfortable.

There are only 2 things I can think of. Either

1) The swelling is spreading internally. Maybe my throat is also swelling and soon I’ll not be able to breathe. or

2) The swelling is swelling externally and soon I’ll look like Kath’s husband. (Sorry I don’t know how to link in a post from e-mail. Just go to katheats.comand say a prayer for poor Matt.)

Is this what happens when a girl who has eaten relatively clean for several months has a piece of storebought white cake with white icing? Will I be afraid of cake from now on?

Will I die?

Can someone calm me down a little bit?

Who is the birthday girl? Me!

Yes, yesterday’s funk was a thing of yesterday. Today has been AWESOME!

I got on the scale and (dum dum dum) I’ve lost 44.8 pounds. So close to 45!

I have to give an award to Fat Bridesmaid for the best birthday flyer EVER.

I need to apologize for the crinkles, but I had a horrible time scanning this. Hopefully you know this is Buster Bluth. If you don’t, find Arrested Development and watch it all. Immediately. And what is this Chicken Dance she speaks of? Just click here (best clip, poor quality) or here (almost as funny clip and great quality). You can thank me later.

I got this beautiful vintage ring from my lovely husband (and we watched Good Eats on DVR).

We went to the mall where I spent my entire birthday loot on running clothes. Because I can.

My birthday meal was at PF Chang’s, where I enjoyed my little birthday dessert – carrot cake in a shot glass.

I came home. And I ran.

Who runs on the evening of her birthday? When she could be out partying and ingesting a ton of calories? ME! Seriously, who am I?

My plans for the rest of my evening? Watch Biggest Loser and paint my nails this awesome shade of grey.

The birthday wishes I’ve gotten from you all in comments, facebook, twitter, emails have been amazing! I love all you guys and thank you so much for all your love, encouragement, and support.

Here’s to 32!

Remember those days when we were kids? When we were excited about birthdays?

Tomorrow is mine. My mood today is horrible. I’m assuming the two are somehow related. I can’t promise that, but I’m assuming.

At dinner tonight, we were talking about me and birthdays. And how much I’ve changed since my last birthday. And the birthday before that. How much younger I am (physically, not chronologically) than I have been on my last few birthdays.

But my head isn’t in that place.

I KNOW I should be THANKFUL. I know I should appreciate how far I’ve come, my motivation, my resolve, my results. My focus that during my rotten mood, the farthest off track I got was 1/4 cup of granola and 1/4 cup of Fage (I measured). And I am very thankful and very proud. Most of the time.

But today I’m stuck on my lack of stuff. My wedding rings were put up months ago, and now my temporary wedding band is almost ready to be retired as well. The pajamas I’ve gotten attached to for the last 5 years are ridiculously huge. My work clothes? No longer fit. I am going to have to either buy new clothes or get them altered. My first round of new clothes are too big. It’s time to start over again.

And we’re not in the financial situation for a new wardrobe. I don’t want to go to consignment shops. I want new clothes. Mine.

I want, I want, I want.

Really? I’m complaining about losing weight? What?

I know, I know. The solution would be easy! Stop exercising. Eat, eat, eat.

No thank you.

So I’m going to watch Big Bang Theory and then I’ll go to bed. Wake up and be 32. Enjoy my day off. Be floored at the results I’ll see on the scale as the embargo ends. Have Starbucks in bed, go for a run. Hang out with my honey. Split a birthday dessert at dinner.

Just hang around. Tomorrow will be better.

I promise.

I feel kinda bad.

Yesterday was Kent’s birthday. We’ve been friends with Kent since we were kids. I find out on our way to lunch – with Kent and friends – that he has planned to have a bunch of people over for his birthday for dinner. (Thanks, iPhone for not giving me my voicemail.) And I panic. I’m already eating lunch away from home – with Kent and the people that we know that would be at dinner. So I put myself first and bailed on dinner. If we would have done dinner, it would have meant either 1) rushing home, running, and getting beautified again to make it back to his house or 2) not running. I feel bad. But if I would have known before lunch, I would have eaten lunch at home, ran, and gone to dinner. So he still would have gotten just one meal with us. It was just a different meal, right? It all evens out?

You can see I’m not good at this selfish stuff.

***

On a brighter note, listen to what my husband said.

Nathan was telling me about his workout last night.

“So I went for a run and I went to the gym to do my weights. I thought about pulling a Krissie, but it looked like it was gonna rain, so I just came home.”

“Pulling a Krissie?” I asked.

Yes, it seems that in my house, running a long time is known as “pulling a Krissie.”

I’m so proud!

Dude, where did October go?

I wish I could tell you how much weight I’ve lost this month, but I’ve only weighted once since September 26, and it hadn’t moved, so I’m avoiding the scale.

But here are 2 pictures: October 1 and October 30.

I think I can tell a difference. I really need to find somewhere with better lighting to take these pictures.

Over the course of the month, I ran 36 miles – including a 5 mile run on Wednesday and a 3.97 mile run today. I’m really loving the long runs. I’m having to make myself take off days lately. I’m still doing the Biggest Loser Yoga DVD – or the moves by memory – a few times a week. It cracks me up that I don’t feel sore after running, but I’m a sore, stiff mess the day after yoga. I did both today, so we’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

I’ve tried a few new recipes this month – all autumn soups. We haven’t eaten a lot of meat, now that I think about it. We’ve eaten a lot of squash and pumpkin. It’s been a really good food month. I can honestly HONESTLY say I did not have a single piece of Halloween candy. Not a piece of candy corn, not a little waxy pumpkin, not a mini Kit Kat. NOTHING.

And now the season of Christmas starts. Nathan is playing “Angels We Have Heard on High” on his mandolin right now. I do worry some about the Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I sure do like pecan pie. And pumpkin cookies. And sausage balls. I just don’t know. BUT we are running a 5K (if I can figure out where to register!) on Thanksgiving morning, so that should help me stay focused.

Oh, and I bake like crazy at Christmas. My plan this year is to make more barks with nuts and dried berries and stuff in it. And to mix some granolas and trail mixes and maybe make some granola bars. I’m sure I’ll still make my mint chocolate chip cookies and my white cranberry shortbread.

Okay, it’s too early for me to start thinking about that. Let’s just get through November.

Okay. So there are a million things today that are making me happy.

• Fat Bridesmaid closes on her condo today! I am so happy for her!
• I took last night off exercise wise. And I still stayed within my calorie range. My change in routine didn’t make me eat outside of my plan. That’s big for me.
• Grey’s Anatomy? Back on track. I’m totally loving it now. If you gave up (like I almost did), give it another chance. Seriously. ("I wear a diaper because I’m hardcore.")
• I had the best breakfast: fage yogurt with pumpkin pie granola and an iced latte.
• Lunch plans are also awesome: cranberry tuna salad.
• My pants are too big. As is my temporary wedding band.
• Today is Friday. Woot!
• Time falls back this weekend. My body loves Fall Backward. It just works better. I am very excited. It’s like an early birthday present.
• Birthday? Yes. I will turn 32 on Tuesday. I haven’t talked about it much because it’s not an issue this year. I really struggled with 30, and 31 meant 30 was over. But there’s nothing exciting about 32. So I’m good.
• This morning? The towel wrapped completely around me. And covered everything it needed to cover. I almost cried.

I guess 10 things are enough. There are so many more!

So why are you happy today?

I cannot thank you all enough for all your encouragement yesterday. I have never been so proud.

I love when lurkers delurk. And you all came out of the woodwork.

I have so many blogging friends. You keep me going, and you all will keep me going next time I want to quit!

Thanks so much for all your comment love!

xoxo,

krissie