Daily Archives: April 11, 2007

i’ve seen your face before, my friend

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The Avenger

Today may be the beginning of the end. My car sputtered to a stop on two seperate occassions today. She’s been so good to me and she sure looks great for her age. I’m afraid, though, that her cruising days may be over. I’m still going to drive her (minimally, of course) until we get her checked out on Monday. We’ve put a limit on the amount we will pay to have her repaired, and if it’s over that, we’ll have to have a new car. Wouldn’t that be terrible? I’m already window shopping.

But food wise, today has been a great day. After the half-bad banana for breakfast. The Starbucks drink was amazing, as always. Lunch was a great peanut-butter banana honey sandwich and some apple slices. Dinner was a nice salad and my creation: spinach dip lasagna. It was really good, but I’m not sure if it was worth the 10 points. It was relatively easy and it was fun to have Nate in the kitchen with me. So much green and cheese and whole wheat pasta… how could a girl go wrong? And then I had a 2-point Weight Watcher ice cream cup. Totally yummy.

I don’t know where I am as far as motivation today. I just feel like I’m just having to make myself do what I know I’m supposed to do, and just hope that I’ll be pleased with Saturday’s weigh-in. If not, I may just have to weigh with my back to the scale or something. I hate that I am so motivated by a number. I wish that the improvements that I am making to my health would be enough for me to keep going. But so far, that is not the case.

I didn’t even plan on going to the gym today. With fixing dinner and my night of television, I just didn’t have exercise as a priority. Wow. Seeing that out there stings a little. Tomorrow, I will go the gym. Immediately after work. Work. Gym. Dinner. TV. Nate home from school. That sounds like a good plan to me!

I haven’t been listening to podcasts recently. I’ll try to have some insight for tomorrow.

And, to lighten things up, I decided to play another round of iPod Roulette (put iPod on shuffle and see what comes up! the good, the bad, the sometimes embarrassing).


#1 – Granny – Dave Matthews Band. Ahh…Granny. I was obsessed with this song for a while. Great song.


#2 – Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band. (Live at Red Rocks) Well, 2 in a row. I listened to this cd over and over and over. I love the way he lets the crowd sing. “People in every direction. No words exchanged, no time to exchange them.” I hope that’s not the way I live my life. (And I can sing along with the really fast part. ‘Cause I’m cool.)


#3 – Hiding Place – Jars of Clay. This is from their amazing “Redemption Songs” cd, a recording of old hymns. “Jesus, teach my soul to pray.” I love what JOC can do to a song, the way they make them speak to me.


#4 – Like the Last Time – Matt Wertz. We saw him with Jars of Clay. I’ve learned that his music is great dishwashing music. It just makes me dance. And it’s fun to dance and wash dishes at the same time!


#5 – Gone Daddy Gone – Violent Femmes. When I was at Bellarmine, Violent Femmes came and did a concert. It pretty much sucked. They did Blister in the Sun twice. I waited and waited to hear this song ’cause I love it. They played it, and then I left, picked Tony up at the dorms, and went to Taco Bell. Gnarls Barkley also does a good version of this song.


#6 – Reasons Why – Nickel Creek. I am so sad that they are breaking up. Great musicians make great music. “Where am I today? I wish that I knew.” I feel like that sometimes. Just good stuff.


#7 – Over My Head (Cable Car) – The Fray. I like this song. It reminds me of the beach last summer. And aren’t we all over our heads in some part of our lives?


#8 – In the Air Tonight – Recoil. I have a soft spot for covers, and a very soft spot for Phil Collins, so the they combine for this song! The drums are through the whole song, which makes it kinda anticlimactic. But I know that one day this will be an awesome running show.

#9 – House Carpenter – Nickel Creek. The second saddest song of all time, second only to NC’s Lighthouse Tale. Seriously. Her old love comes back. She leaves her husband and her baby. They go sailing off. She misses her baby, gets angry and bitter. And the ship sinks. I’ve got to skip the rest of it.

#10 – Crazy – Alanis Morissette. Again, cover combo of a great song and a great artist. I love Alanis (references to her are all over this blog), and it’s a really good song. A let loose song. Another song that would be great to run to.

Leave me your random 10! I’m off to watch America’s Next Top Model and American Idol during commercials. Have a great night!

i’ve seen your face before, my friend

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The Avenger

Today may be the beginning of the end. My car sputtered to a stop on two seperate occassions today. She’s been so good to me and she sure looks great for her age. I’m afraid, though, that her cruising days may be over. I’m still going to drive her (minimally, of course) until we get her checked out on Monday. We’ve put a limit on the amount we will pay to have her repaired, and if it’s over that, we’ll have to have a new car. Wouldn’t that be terrible? I’m already window shopping.

But food wise, today has been a great day. After the half-bad banana for breakfast. The Starbucks drink was amazing, as always. Lunch was a great peanut-butter banana honey sandwich and some apple slices. Dinner was a nice salad and my creation: spinach dip lasagna. It was really good, but I’m not sure if it was worth the 10 points. It was relatively easy and it was fun to have Nate in the kitchen with me. So much green and cheese and whole wheat pasta… how could a girl go wrong? And then I had a 2-point Weight Watcher ice cream cup. Totally yummy.

I don’t know where I am as far as motivation today. I just feel like I’m just having to make myself do what I know I’m supposed to do, and just hope that I’ll be pleased with Saturday’s weigh-in. If not, I may just have to weigh with my back to the scale or something. I hate that I am so motivated by a number. I wish that the improvements that I am making to my health would be enough for me to keep going. But so far, that is not the case.

I didn’t even plan on going to the gym today. With fixing dinner and my night of television, I just didn’t have exercise as a priority. Wow. Seeing that out there stings a little. Tomorrow, I will go the gym. Immediately after work. Work. Gym. Dinner. TV. Nate home from school. That sounds like a good plan to me!

I haven’t been listening to podcasts recently. I’ll try to have some insight for tomorrow.

And, to lighten things up, I decided to play another round of iPod Roulette (put iPod on shuffle and see what comes up! the good, the bad, the sometimes embarrassing).


#1 – Granny – Dave Matthews Band. Ahh…Granny. I was obsessed with this song for a while. Great song.


#2 – Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band. (Live at Red Rocks) Well, 2 in a row. I listened to this cd over and over and over. I love the way he lets the crowd sing. “People in every direction. No words exchanged, no time to exchange them.” I hope that’s not the way I live my life. (And I can sing along with the really fast part. ‘Cause I’m cool.)


#3 – Hiding Place – Jars of Clay. This is from their amazing “Redemption Songs” cd, a recording of old hymns. “Jesus, teach my soul to pray.” I love what JOC can do to a song, the way they make them speak to me.


#4 – Like the Last Time – Matt Wertz. We saw him with Jars of Clay. I’ve learned that his music is great dishwashing music. It just makes me dance. And it’s fun to dance and wash dishes at the same time!


#5 – Gone Daddy Gone – Violent Femmes. When I was at Bellarmine, Violent Femmes came and did a concert. It pretty much sucked. They did Blister in the Sun twice. I waited and waited to hear this song ’cause I love it. They played it, and then I left, picked Tony up at the dorms, and went to Taco Bell. Gnarls Barkley also does a good version of this song.


#6 – Reasons Why – Nickel Creek. I am so sad that they are breaking up. Great musicians make great music. “Where am I today? I wish that I knew.” I feel like that sometimes. Just good stuff.


#7 – Over My Head (Cable Car) – The Fray. I like this song. It reminds me of the beach last summer. And aren’t we all over our heads in some part of our lives?


#8 – In the Air Tonight – Recoil. I have a soft spot for covers, and a very soft spot for Phil Collins, so the they combine for this song! The drums are through the whole song, which makes it kinda anticlimactic. But I know that one day this will be an awesome running show.

#9 – House Carpenter – Nickel Creek. The second saddest song of all time, second only to NC’s Lighthouse Tale. Seriously. Her old love comes back. She leaves her husband and her baby. They go sailing off. She misses her baby, gets angry and bitter. And the ship sinks. I’ve got to skip the rest of it.

#10 – Crazy – Alanis Morissette. Again, cover combo of a great song and a great artist. I love Alanis (references to her are all over this blog), and it’s a really good song. A let loose song. Another song that would be great to run to.

Leave me your random 10! I’m off to watch America’s Next Top Model and American Idol during commercials. Have a great night!

i’ve seen your face before, my friend

Posted on by
Reply
The Avenger

Today may be the beginning of the end. My car sputtered to a stop on two seperate occassions today. She’s been so good to me and she sure looks great for her age. I’m afraid, though, that her cruising days may be over. I’m still going to drive her (minimally, of course) until we get her checked out on Monday. We’ve put a limit on the amount we will pay to have her repaired, and if it’s over that, we’ll have to have a new car. Wouldn’t that be terrible? I’m already window shopping.

But food wise, today has been a great day. After the half-bad banana for breakfast. The Starbucks drink was amazing, as always. Lunch was a great peanut-butter banana honey sandwich and some apple slices. Dinner was a nice salad and my creation: spinach dip lasagna. It was really good, but I’m not sure if it was worth the 10 points. It was relatively easy and it was fun to have Nate in the kitchen with me. So much green and cheese and whole wheat pasta… how could a girl go wrong? And then I had a 2-point Weight Watcher ice cream cup. Totally yummy.

I don’t know where I am as far as motivation today. I just feel like I’m just having to make myself do what I know I’m supposed to do, and just hope that I’ll be pleased with Saturday’s weigh-in. If not, I may just have to weigh with my back to the scale or something. I hate that I am so motivated by a number. I wish that the improvements that I am making to my health would be enough for me to keep going. But so far, that is not the case.

I didn’t even plan on going to the gym today. With fixing dinner and my night of television, I just didn’t have exercise as a priority. Wow. Seeing that out there stings a little. Tomorrow, I will go the gym. Immediately after work. Work. Gym. Dinner. TV. Nate home from school. That sounds like a good plan to me!

I haven’t been listening to podcasts recently. I’ll try to have some insight for tomorrow.

And, to lighten things up, I decided to play another round of iPod Roulette (put iPod on shuffle and see what comes up! the good, the bad, the sometimes embarrassing).


#1 – Granny – Dave Matthews Band. Ahh…Granny. I was obsessed with this song for a while. Great song.


#2 – Ants Marching – Dave Matthews Band. (Live at Red Rocks) Well, 2 in a row. I listened to this cd over and over and over. I love the way he lets the crowd sing. “People in every direction. No words exchanged, no time to exchange them.” I hope that’s not the way I live my life. (And I can sing along with the really fast part. ‘Cause I’m cool.)


#3 – Hiding Place – Jars of Clay. This is from their amazing “Redemption Songs” cd, a recording of old hymns. “Jesus, teach my soul to pray.” I love what JOC can do to a song, the way they make them speak to me.


#4 – Like the Last Time – Matt Wertz. We saw him with Jars of Clay. I’ve learned that his music is great dishwashing music. It just makes me dance. And it’s fun to dance and wash dishes at the same time!


#5 – Gone Daddy Gone – Violent Femmes. When I was at Bellarmine, Violent Femmes came and did a concert. It pretty much sucked. They did Blister in the Sun twice. I waited and waited to hear this song ’cause I love it. They played it, and then I left, picked Tony up at the dorms, and went to Taco Bell. Gnarls Barkley also does a good version of this song.


#6 – Reasons Why – Nickel Creek. I am so sad that they are breaking up. Great musicians make great music. “Where am I today? I wish that I knew.” I feel like that sometimes. Just good stuff.


#7 – Over My Head (Cable Car) – The Fray. I like this song. It reminds me of the beach last summer. And aren’t we all over our heads in some part of our lives?


#8 – In the Air Tonight – Recoil. I have a soft spot for covers, and a very soft spot for Phil Collins, so the they combine for this song! The drums are through the whole song, which makes it kinda anticlimactic. But I know that one day this will be an awesome running show.

#9 – House Carpenter – Nickel Creek. The second saddest song of all time, second only to NC’s Lighthouse Tale. Seriously. Her old love comes back. She leaves her husband and her baby. They go sailing off. She misses her baby, gets angry and bitter. And the ship sinks. I’ve got to skip the rest of it.

#10 – Crazy – Alanis Morissette. Again, cover combo of a great song and a great artist. I love Alanis (references to her are all over this blog), and it’s a really good song. A let loose song. Another song that would be great to run to.

Leave me your random 10! I’m off to watch America’s Next Top Model and American Idol during commercials. Have a great night!

seems like I should be getting somewhere…

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It’s generally been a bear of a day. I got up this morning with a sense of life being unfair. I know that’s not the way to start the day. I felt hungry when I got up. Really hungry. It was hard to wait until after I got ready for work to eat. As I was getting ready, I became very upset that my clothes are not miraculously getting more loose. I mean, I’ve been working my tail off, counting point after point, not eating crap, generally being “good,” and I’m still not anywhere near asthetically pleasing. And this made me very unhappy. Then, I ate my breakfast (banana and Starbucks) and was still hungry. So I spent most of the morning feeling like this:

(This is a picture of my beautiful Scully, not in her most umm… lady-like position. Okay, so today I felt fat, not trampish.)

All things considered, I did very well with lunch. The Sweet and Sour Chicken frozen meal from Kashi is very highly recommended. It was so good. I had a big pile of broccoli to go with it. And I ate a little too much. I got up from the table and felt stuffed. On broccoli! I would not allow myself to feel guilty for being stuffed with broccoli! I snacked on a Fiber 1 bar in the afternoon. I didn’t feel like cooking (the pity party continued), so we went to the Fudgery. I did well, peanut butter/banana sandwich. I counted on the high side…there was more peanut butter than I would put on it if I were making it at home. I had a bite of Nate’s ice cream and then I had popcorn during American Idol. So the plan wasn’t followed exactly, but I stayed within my points. And, on a totally unmotivated day like today, that is a huge success.

Tomorrow I am making lasagna based on spinach artichoke dip. I’m hoping it’s good. If it turns out well, I’ll post the recipe and pic tomorrow. If I don’t, assume it was a huge embarrassing failure.

No gym today. I just wasn’t feeling it. I know that I have to exercise if I want to lose weight. I know that. But I just could not make myself go.

It just doesn’t make sense to me. I have literally cut my caloric intake in half. Literally. Other than my morning Starbucks indulgence, I’m almost junk-food free. All this and a .6 pound loss. All I know is that I am really hoping for a good loss on Saturday. If not, I don’t know how I’ll stay motivated.

I’m like 10 days into this, and already my resolve is weakening. How can I expect to do this for the rest of my life? I watched this video on YouTube (which I know I favoritized but now I can’t find) and the girl says that 95-98% of all people who lose more than x number of pounds (it’s big, but I don’t remember what…70-80 ish) gain it back plus more within the next 3 years. And I’m almost that statistic. I lost 46 pounds. 46!! And 51 pounds found me.

I know what I’m supposed to tell myself, thanks to the Beck Diet Solution. This is negative self-talk. I know that I’m supposed to tell myself that I can think like a thin person, I just have to train myself to do so. I have to practice the skills of craving resistance and hunger tolerance and I just have to give myself no choice but to follow my plan and to exercise. But can I do this for the rest of my life? Yes. YES. Y-E-S!

You know what. Screw statistics. YES I CAN! I love the feeling of passing up dessert. I love the feeling when I leave the gym. I love not having to pour myself into clothing. I will practice the skills I am learning and they will become habit. And then I will be a runner, and I will be comfortable in my skin, and I will be the person God wants me to be. I came across a quote the other day that I love. God loves the person I am today, but He loves me too much to let me stay this way. I know that I am living in a way that is displeasing to Him, I just hope that a healhier lifestyle and less fatness go together.

Another reason for my grumpiness: a friend of mine’s sister is pregnant. Not on purpose. It’s a very happy occassion, but knowing that people “just get pregnant” seems, again, unfair. I want to be a mom. When will it be my time? Again, I know that it is not my timing that matters, I am living on God’s timing. But sometimes I can’t help but fear that maybe a child is not in His plan. I know that God can do anything, and I know that God has a plan, and I know that His plan is good. And, in most areas, I can turn my life over to His plan. The location of our next jobs, our financial state, our safety and our health – I turn that over willingly and pray that He shows us His will. But what if His will is for us to be childless? That thought crushes me.

Sigh. I’m going to check the blogs I read every day, hopefully to find some encouragement and motivation. And then it’s to my lovely bedroom. I think one of my favorite things about my house is our bedroom. It’s white. The walls are white. The sheets are white. It just feels clean. And that is so symbolic to me on days like today. Tomorrow I will wake up to a nice, clean, brand new day. With clean white sheets and clean white walls. And a hope that the day will be bright and shiny.