So last week, I won 3 months free Weight Watchers from Lorrie. And initially? I didn’t know how to react. I mean, I knew that I had been given an amazing gift. And I knew that I had to go to meetings and rock it out because – really? – I owe that to everyone who entered and didn’t win, and to Lorrie.

But Weight Watchers and I have a complicated past.

I grew up in WW meetings. My mom was a leader. I often went to meetings with her because my brothers were always with my dad doing Boy Scout stuff, and I wasn’t old enough to be home by myself. At the age of like 10. I remember liking the meetings, and liking the way my mom led the meetings, but being pissed that I was missing Alf. (Before the days of VCRs, I guess.)

Fast forward to the age of 25. I’m 4 months from getting married. I’ve just gotten my wedding dress, and I look awesome. And, standing there in front of the mirror in the wedding botique, I have a thought. If I look this gorgeous now, how much better will I look if I lose some weight? (And, honestly, I remember thinking about sex then too. I’m just being honest here.)

So on March 17, 2003 I joined Weight Watchers. My official weight was 221. (Sorry. I’m plugged into the internet downstairs and the scanner is upstairs. No true before picture. I don’t know which box those pictures are in anyway. I’m just to scanning college pics.)

By our wedding on July 19, 2003, I was exactly 199. I was psyched.

Over the next year, I kept working hard. I got to 175. Uber excited. Life was very good.

And then? Life got busy. I graduated (again) and started working full-time. We moved. We no longer lived in a complex with a gym. Money was tight. We did a lot of home improvement. (This is about when I started blogging.) And the next thing I knew, I was right back where I started.

I tried to do WW from home. I tried to go to meetings, but I did not fit into the meeting in my new town. I tried making the drive to my old meeting, but it was one hour each way. I made several attempts, and it just didn’t stick.

We moved again, back to the previous town. I’ve made several attempts to lose weight on my own, but I always gain it back.

And that brings us up to today.

So this morning, I took pictures. Before pictures. I took “Biggest Loser” pictures in my sports bra and shorts. I’m torn. Part of me wants to be able to post them later and show where I really started, and part of me hopes they never see the light of day. I’ve got them in my hidden folder in iPhoto. And I also took dressed pictures. I’m not ready to show them either. I look pissed in them. But you all know what I look like today, right? Okay, here’s one – from Christmas – with a smile.

And I was off. I walked back into the familiar WW center. I presented my newbie forms and my winning coupon and off I went.

The leader was really nice. We chatted about my WW history. And she says, “So you know you can do it.” I nodded. She said it took 3 tries before she made it. And she lost 89 pounds.

Starting weight: 237. It’s on, baby. 175 here I come.