a cluster of colors and twine

So I’m going to Weight Watchers.  I joined on February 1. I didn’t go to a meeting today because I was exhausted. But as of last week, I was down 18 pounds. I’m going weigh in tomorrow.

Slow and steady wins the race. I have been both slow and steady. But I keep going back. And I am very proud of what I have done so far, and I know that this time, I’m not going to quit.

But Weight Watchers…Yeah, I’ve been hit or miss with meetings. I’m torn. I like the leader. There are people in the meeting that I really like. There are also people in the meeting that grate on my last nerve.

I am also not really following Weight Watchers. I’m not counting points – I’m looking at calories and the sometimes translating that to points at the end of the day. I am following their healthy habits – water, fruits/veggies, healthy fats, exercise, etc. So I guess I am kinda working the program. Loosely.

I do need the meetings for the accountability, though. I need the scale. I need the scale in front of someone who provides feedback. I need that.

So I’m going to keep going. I’ve still got who-knows-how-many free weeks that I’ve won from around the blogsphere. After my free weeks are over? I don’t know what I’ll do. Hopefully I’ll have clarity by then.

But – again – here is evidence of the new me, taking what I have access to and tweaking it to fit my needs and adjusting things so that they work for me. Not able to move on to week 2 of C25K because it’s still too hard? I don’t quit, I just do week 1 for the 3rd time. I’m still out there and working on my goal of being a runner someday.

And, just like the weight loss, I will get there. I don’t know what the timeline looks like, and that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry. If I would have stuck with this any time I’d started it before I’d be running marathons and be at my goal by now. But this time is different.

And I’ve updated my “my plan” page as well.

Have a great week!

if you hold on tight to what you think is your thing

So, like I was saying the other day, I am in a career crisis.

And in the last 24 hours, 3 people have suggested the same career. When I did not ask for it.

I’m sensing a pattern.

I was on the shuttle to the parking garage yesterday, sitting with my boss’ boss (my grandboss, as I call her). Somehow we got talking about jobs we’ve done and jobs we’d like to do. And my grandboss says, “You would be an awesome elementary school teacher.”

This morning, I had a very angry family in my office who were frustrated with a co-worker of mine. At the end of a very heated discussion, where I had calmed them down and we were smiling at the end, the older of the two women said to me, “You are very patient. You’d be great with kids. Have you thought of being a teacher?”

And then? I went to the restroom right before lunch. A lady in a different department that I know pretty well says, “Your necklace is so cute! It looks like something an elementary school teacher would wear! You know, you would make a great teacher! You are so creative and so organized and everyone always listens to you. You should be a teacher.”

So I’m adding teacher to the list of potential careers. It seems more realistic than life coach or having a coffee shop or being a a nutritionist who does therapy. And being a teacher would give me summers off. And the only thing I need to be a guidance counselor is a teaching certificate, so that door would be open down the road as well.

I mean, 3 people brought it up. I have to listen to that, right?

I’m sure glad I wore this necklace today.

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as long as old men sit and talk about the weather

All day today I was psyched up for a run. I was scheduled to start week 2 of C25K.

And I was ready.

I come home and it’s raining. I eat dinner. Rain. Take a nap. It looks very threatening. Gray sky. Very windy. Not cooperating for a run.

I give up. Go ahead and shower to get ready for tomorrow.

Now I’m sitting on my couch – clean and with wet hair – and it looks great outside. Barely even cloudy.

But I get up 8.5 hours. So I’m not going to run.

And I’m okay with that.

Just make sure I run tomorrow.

And go join this challenge! I sure did! But I’m afraid to talk about it too much ’cause I don’t want to jinx myself. But if you do join, tell them I sent you. And, Hanlie, I told them that I heard about it from you!

its been a busy day today

It’s the end of May and I never shared the rest of my 5-Year Plan with y’all. And I haven’t done too well in May. But I still have the big picture. I told you about my physical plan, but here is where I want to go professionally.

sc000e868fI don’t remember how much I’ve told y’all about me.

I am a therapist. A ton of grad school. A ton of therapy and one-on-one sessions with supervisors. And a big, ugly test for licensure.

And what do I do now? I work in hospital finance.

I need to get back into helping people. It’s what I like. It’s what I’m good at.

My plan? Keep up on my Continuing Ed Credits. Keep reading about my field. Have intelligent conversations about psychological issues. Continue to educated my co-workers about psychological disorders and help our clients with these issues get the most financial assistance. Keep sharp.  And hope that when the economy stabilizes, I’ll still be employable as a therapist.

And I would love (l.o.v.e.) to be self-employed. I think the best way to get there is being certified as a Life Coach. So what am I going to do about that? Look into programs. By October, I will be enrolled in one. Amen.

What about you? Are you satisfied with where you are professionally? What are you going to do about it?

go on and fool me

Because of the holiday, this installment of Meatless Monday is a day late, but it is SO worth it!

I came across this recipe for Tortilla Pie from Martha Stewart about a year ago and have had it bookmarked since then. I decided to try it today. Of course, I just used the recipe as a suggestion, but I make my own path.

Tonight started with a good swirl of olive oil in a pan. Anyone see anything in this? A seahorse maybe?IMG_1021

Added a chopped onion and some minced garlic

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and a can of green chiles, chopped up

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some cumin

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Let the onions, garlic, and peppers cook until soft, about 5 minutes or so.

Then add in rapid succession

2 cans of black beans, rinsed and drained

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a bottle of beer

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2 cans of diced tomatoes, drained. I took the scissors to them to chop them more

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and I add smoked paprika to just about everything

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a bag of frozen corn

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the green parts of 4 green onions, finely chopped

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and let this cook until most of the liquid is cooked out.

While this is cooking, get out your 9 inch springform pan. Cut big tortillas to the shape of the bottom of your pan so there will be a tight fit in your springform pan. Is this step really necessary? I don’t know. But I’m always thankful when I follow Martha’s directions that make me raise an eyebrow. (Like when she told me to add butter and cheese to gnocchi sauce…)

The problem with this step? You will have these little tortilla strips. Eat just one. Give the rest to your husband/boyfriend/roommate/out the window. I had a hard time not eating them all. I made Nathan eat them.

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And this is where the fun starts. Just like lasagna. Tortilla on the bottom

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Layer with the black bean mixture and some cheese

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Repeat until you’ve used all of the bean mixture. I had 5 layers

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Bake at 400 for 20-25 minutes

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This is a great time to do some cleaning. If you’re anything like me, you will destroy your kitchen during the prep of this meal. I mean, my kitchen was such a mess! I got started on the dishes, counters, and sweeping. Just as I started with the sweeping, the smell was so fantastic I could hardly stand it. I finished just as the timer went off and was greeted with this.

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(Imagine angels singing. Seriously.)

As I took the outside off the pan, my wonderful husband stated, “That is beautiful! Just like you!”

He just loves me ’cause I can cook.

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Top with sliced green onions. Cut into wedges. Serve with sour cream.

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Of everything I’ve ever cooked, you must try this.

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You will be thankful.

count the headlights on the highway

More on The End of Overeating by David Kessler…

So I’ve learned how the food I buy out is manipulated to taste a certain way and engineered to increase the salt, sugar, and fat. This manipulation is intended to make me want more and return back to the establishment. But I’m on to them now…

Today I’m reading about our emotional attachments to food – how the events we associate with certain foods can serve as reinforcements and eating the food can create the emotion we associate with the event.

This really hit home for me. We all know that comfort foods are called “comfort foods” for a reason.

A few of mine?

My Mom’s lasagna. Nothing says cuddling up on Mom’s couch with the whole family like her lasagna. I tend to associate that feeling of home with lasagna and spaghetti. So when I’m really unhappy, my first thought is Carino’s for a big plate of lasagna. I never really thought about why.

Those freaking bottled Starbucks drinks. I started drinking them before we moved – when I actually liked my old job. I would stop at Mr. Kwik every morning and buy a bottle of Starbucks and a cup of ice. Every morning. I would chat with the cashier, take my drink to the car, go into work, open the bottle, pour it over the ice and drink it with my banana while checking my work email. To this day, if I have a bottled drink, I have to have a cup of ice with it. And, often, I have it drank before I even think about it. But there are times when it is almost possible to resist them in convenient stores or when Wal-Mart has refrigerated singles in the front.

And then there’s the actual in-house Starbucks experience. I love stopping at Starbucks. Starbucks in the morning makes me feel like I’m on vacation. For years, the only access we had to Starbucks were the ones we came across when we were on vacation. There’s a certain exit right outside of Knoxville that has a Starbucks. There’s one that is out of the way in Williamsburg, VA that we would make a stop at. From early experiences Starbucks = vacation. And I’ve held on to that. I feel like the day is special when I stop at Starbucks. Especially when it’s a little humid.

Hopefully recognizing these things will help me change my behaviors, right?

So what foods/restaurants are emotional for you?

lay me down in sheets of linen

I had some trouble last week, so I am rerunning week one of C25K this week. I downloaded the C25K app on my iPhone so the tones telling me when to walk and run just play over my playlist.

And tonight’s playlist? Awesome!

Picture 2It was so strange how the run/walk tones played at dramatic points in the songs or during the breaks. I’m easily amused, I guess.

I plan on creating a new playlist for each week so I don’t get bored, so be on the lookout for more!

What does your favorite workout playlist look like? I am always up for new music!

bangs out the rhythm on a 50 gallon drum

My breakfast was ruined by the book I’m reading. Why? I hate being manipulated.

A little backstory:

We had just gotten married. We had a cell phone and a home phone. We used the cell phone for all our long-distance. So I get a call one afternoon from our phone company, telling me how they could save me money.

“Ms. Carr,” she said (that was the name the phone was still in), “our records show that you spend an average of $25 a month on long distance. With this new plan of 19.99 a month, we can give you unlimited long distance and save you money.”

I politely asked her to hold and I dug out my stash of bills. “Ma’am,” I said, “I have my bills for the last 6 months. Last month I spent $6 on long distance, $7 the previous month, $9 the month before that. My prior 3 months don’t even add up to what you are saying I spend a month. I would like to cancel my long distance service.”

She became flustered and explained again this new plan and how it was a good deal and how it could save me money.

“Ma’am,” I interrupted, “I would like to cancel my long distance. I cannot justify paying a company for a service when they cannot do an average. That is like, what, 4th grade math? I cannot continue to fund a company that does not understand elementary math. I would like to cancel my long distance.”

She continued to explain why I needed long distance, and I asked to speak to a supervisor.

By the time I hung up the phone, I had not only cancelled my long distance but our phone service all together. Because someone was trying to manipulate me – to take advantage of my lack of knowledge. And I let them know that I knew better.

I had a similar experience with Starbucks this morning.

I was reading The End of Overeating last night. Early in the book, Dr. Kessler writes about an experience he had with a high-level food executive. They dissected different items from restaurants we know – specifically the Cheesecake Factory – and how the foods are manipulated to make them more gluttonous. The foods are processed in the warehouses and in the restaurants to increase the pleasure they create. They start with fat, sugar, and salt and find as many ways to cram more fat, sugar, and salt into the foods. Resulting in a food product that is highly pleasing in taste, texture, and visual appeal. And that keeps us coming back for more.

I pull into Starbucks today and get my venti iced decaf latte. And I am suckered into the Cranberry Orange Scone. (Sorry I didn’t take this picture. I didn’t know I was going to have an epiphany.)

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I took the first bite, and I remembered what I had read and tried to identify how this was built for me. Starting with the dough – the butter (fat) in the dough is what makes the fluffy air pockets. And then there is sugar in the dough too, I’m sure. And then there are the cranberries. I’ve never made anything with cranberries that sweet. I usually find cranberries to be tart. So I’m sure these cranberries have been soaked in/injected with/spun around with a ton of extra sugar. And then? The topping. The lovely, gooey, sweet, lemony glaze. Again, sugar and fat, I’m sure. And there has to be salt in there too somewhere.

So sugar on fat on sugar on sugar.

Knowing that someone sat in some boardroom or lab and actually thought about how to manipulate my food makes me angry. ANGRY. (Almost stealing my blog angry.)

I always knew I was being manipulated. Ever since reading Fast Food Nation and Fatland, I have tried to be very aware of how advertising tries to sway where I put my money. And even though I LOVE the Nannerpuss commercial, I have to google it to see what restaurant it is actually advertising.

But that my actual food is being manipulated in an effort to manipulate me? Oh no, big boy. You can keep your phone service cranberry orange scone (Starbucks) and your Oriental Chicken Salad (Cheesecake Factory) and your veggie pizza with the butter dipping sauce (Papa Johns) AND your Starbucks drink in a bottle.

I’m sticking to food that doesn’t try to play me: farmers market veggies. Lattes Nathan makes for me. Spaghetti sauce made from scratch. Home-grown. Home-cooked. Nice food. Food that wasn’t created to manipulate me.

Because now I am educated. I have to act like that. I can’t justify eating crap anymore.

And I’m not going try.