and by “we,” I mean “me.” But that’s not how the song goes.
I read something on my about me page that made me really sad. But also made me think.
I really have lost and gained the same 20 pounds over and over and over.
Seriously. I’ve gone through the exact same cycle over each of the last 4 years. I weigh myself after Christmas and find myself between 237 and 239. And then I get myself in gear and end up at 219. Then I spend the rest of the year getting back to the cusp of 240.
That made me get out my old Weight Watchers records. Don’t you know it? Every time I’ve joined (after 2003), I bottom out at 219. Hit a plateau and stay there for a solid month. It doesn’t matter if I started at 230 or even 221. I get stuck at 219. And then what do I do? I quit.
Where am I? 219. How long have I been there? The beginning of May.
Why?
I don’t know.
When I hit 219, I was so excited to be out of the 220s. I worked my butt off for the next 2 weeks and nothing changed. I stayed totally on target with eating. I started running. But when the scale still didn’t move, I started slipping a little. And for the last month, I’ve been doing things about half-way.
My motivation is pretty much gone. I don’t even know the last time I worked out. I want to want to do it. But I’ve psyched myself out now.
I’m feeling stuck even though I’m not trying to move.
I’m shopping well, but I’m still eating crap at the hospital for lunch. I plan EVERY DAY to do some sort of exercise when I get home, but I just don’t do it.
I need to figure out what my next step is but I’m so tired of my plans. I put things out there, and then I don’t stick to it. Where is my focus? My determination? My belief in myself?
I hate 219. I hate 239 more, but I hate 219 today.
I know that feeling so well! Not the 219 bit – I have a little ways to go before I get there. But when I plateau, I get frustrated and discouraged and say “the heck with it” and start eating what I really want to eat, which is tons of carbs. And then, I’m right back where I started, if not a little heavier. As far as unhealthy eating while at work, I make dinner for 4 people every night and then my sister and I get a relatively healthy dinner and lunch the next day, and I don’t need to worry about finding something at work. Of course, if I forget my lunch, that plan is shot to hell!
I’m fairly new to blogging and the blogging world (just found your blog recently) – but your post today resonated so strongly with me that I had to comment.
I have struggled with the same thing for years… a little success goes to my head and then a plateau… and then I drop off. I estimate that I’ve joined and re-joined WW about fifteen times. It is always my “fault” for leaving – I always plateau (still miles away from my goal) and give up. This time, though, I’m not quitting. Even if I have to pay for a three month plateau. I’m sticking with it.
Try not to hate the number – the number is progress.
I’m not sure of the number of pounds I repeatedly gain and lose, but since I graduated from high school (20 years ago-yikes!) I have fluctuated from size 22/24 to size 26/28. I too have done the WW program numorous times not to mention every fad diet ever invented! I think that the important thing for me to focus my energy on is just to EAT BETTER and EXERCISE MORE. Maybe I’m just destined to be this ‘size’. But, I know I can be healthier. I’m going to concentrace on making healthier food choices and getting more exercise and take it one day at a time.
The plateau, my magic number was 240, I was there for a year, I think it’s because the body needs to readjust. It’s what we doing during this time that will dictate wether we move forward or slide back. Losing weight at first is so exciting (even when you have done it a bunch of times), the positive reinforcement of the numbers trending downwards week after week, the feeling of control and accomplishment. All that helps propel us along, but when that stops we start doubting ourselves and then slowly stop caring because we aren’t seeing tangible benefits (ie lower number on scale, better fitting clothes.) Finding lost motivation is difficult when there is no positive reinforcement, but you have to just keep at it, knowing that eventually the work in the now will pay off in the later. Time will keep passing, better to hold steady than to restart again at a higher weight. One way I like t think of plateaus is practice for maintenance.
Keep at it and you’ll get your groove back!
ah girl I hear you. I’ve been at 237-242 for the past year! I started at 262, and once I Hit 237 I went on vacation and plateau hell started for me. I’m glad that i’ve maintained within a five pound weight range, but I often get the same feelignsof “what is my deal?” and “why can’t I be doing what i did when I initially dropped from 262!”
I try to be ok with being a size 20, but sometimes it’s hard.
I hear you. Oh, how I hear you. Nothing we say is going to be able to solve your problem, but I just want to say I know you can do it! A couple things that I have tried when this sort of thing happens to me (and it happens often) are 1) reminding myself to take it 5 pounds at a time. I get thinking of the entire amount of weight I have to lose and I get so overwhelmed and discouraged just thinking about it, I decide I can’t do it and don’t even try. But if I just repeat to myself over and over that I’m just trying to lose the next 5 pounds – and then I’ll focus on the next 5 and so on. 2) The more I put it out there, the more I have a tendency to mess up/give up/give myself excuses. Sometimes, for a while at least, I have to keep my “plans” close to the chest and just DO IT before I tell anyone. I am usually such a put it out there person, telling everyone all my business, that this is unusual and kind of hard for me. But sometimes if I’m so busy telling everyone what I’m going to do, or what I’m struggling with, or why its hard, etc., I’m not DOING anything. And when I hold back, at least for a while, I can get my locomotion going again. I don’t know if that makes any sense, or if it will help you, but I hope you can get there mentally. I know its hard.
This post on priorfatgirl helped me a couple weeks ago when I was having a hard week trying to convince myself to really start trying again: http://www.priorfatgirl.com/2009_05_31_archive.html. It was the No One Cares part that really struck me. I was kind of waiting for my husband to realize I was struggling and for him to encourage or try to help me. I was telling people why I was struggling and making excuses for myself. But really, the only one that suffers if I don’t do this is ME. Everyone else just wants me to be happy and healthy, but they love me just as I am. So if I want this, it has to come from me.
Okay, I’ll shuttup now. I rarely comment on the blogs I read, because I don’t usually have anything to add that I feel will be constructive. But I really feel like I can empathize with what you’re going through and I have high hopes for you – I hope you move enough that you build up some momentum and getting bulldozing past that 219!
Well I you shouldn’t hate 219 lbs, you must love yourself, just think of 219 as a springboard to move forward from. You can do it and you will do it. Never give up in the face of adversity, you will get there.
My hurdle number is 295. I’m not there yet and when I get there I’m going to jump that hurdle, which is why I’m training so hard now! I won’t run into it again.
The thing is, now that you’ve joined some dots and seen the pattern, you can start changing your thinking. Sure, you have to start playing your A-game again, but ultimately you will have to change your thinking and preconceived ideas… Give yourself permission to go past 219 and declare that that number will not hold you back anymore, just like you declare other things in faith. Going back to 220 is not an option. 239 is not even in this realm anymore. You can do this. You are not alone.
I know how you feel and you may not want to hear this or believe this but I will tell you what worked for me when I hovered at 220, trying to break past.
I logged onto the dailyplate.com (but whatever–you could just do it yourself on paper if you wanted) (it’s free. this is not an advertisement. I’m a real girl) and put in my weight and how much I’d like to lose per week (I think I said 1.5 pounds because I wanted to be reasonable) and it told me to eat a bunch of calories. Like 300 more than I had been eating. So of course I said, “that’s crap” and ignored it, and stayed at 220 a while longer. finally I thought ‘good grief, why do I even bother…’ and before I just gave up and ate whatever I wanted, I thought I’d give the recommended number of calories a try. I am not even kidding you, it was at least 2000 and I thought it would never work. But I did it and after a week, I went down. I wasn’t even counting my exercise, just the calories. I don’t know if I lost a pound and a half every week, but that stupid scale *move*. So I guess my recommendation is if you’re willing, just give it a try. Maybe it shakes the body up or something, I don’t know. Of course as soon as you start losing the amount of calories changes so you have to keep doing the weight-math to see how much you should be eating whenever you drop, but it’s worth a shot. Doing calories like that plus exercise as I felt the need (not fanatically, just 10 minutes on the stationary bike here and there) got me down to 186 within a year and I would have kept going except I got pregnant and, well, then your agenda changes. 200 was a beast to break past through, but it happened. So I’m just saying… :)