Before I even start this, I want to make sure you know something.
I just trying to be honest with what is going on with me today. I am not fishing for compliments. I’m hoping that someone can tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t too far crazy.
So I’ve lost 25 pounds. I’m eating pretty well. I’m working out almost every day. I am doing a lot of things right.
But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see anything different.
Logically, I know I look different. I have to. I think part of the problem is that I never really saw myself in a honest light when I weighed 237. I don’t know where I see myself in the mirror, but it never was 237. I think what I’m seeing now is closer to what my mind has always interpreted. I think at the time it was a defense mechanism.
But that’s keeping me from seeing my progress.
Every single day I take a picture of myself. Sometimes it’s at home, sometimes it’s in the bathroom at work, today it was in the bathroom at the restaurant where we had lunch. And I compare that picture to my “before” picture I carry in my purse, just to make sure I really am different. Every time I step on the scale, I have the same battle. I want it to be lower than the previous weight, of course, but yesterday I was struck by the number – and that it was a long way from where I started.
But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see it. Only when I see pictures. Side by side.
So those of you that have lost weight – or have lost weight in the past that has found you – do you ever struggle with your brain not catching up with the changes in your body?
YES, YES, and YES! I struggle with the SAME thing. :( People say, “You look great!” And, I just don’t see it (yet). I need to be better about taking pictures of myself.
I know you aren’t fishing for compliments, but I can *totally* see it…your face is soooo slim!!
Thank you!
ok – most importantly, PICTURES DON’T LIE. What you see in the picture is how you look. period. Your mind totally plays tricks on you with mirrors. You are exactly right, your mind sees what it wants to as a defense mechanism. I currently weigh around 214 and have weighed within 5-10 pounds of this for YEARS! I have struggled for YEARS to get under that 2 mark. Lose a little, gain a little – just can’t seem to commit. Point is, when I look in the mirror, I think I look alright. yeah, maybe a little chubby but still cute and not to far from how I looked in college.(uh, excuse me but +48lbs is WAY OFF) Then I will see a picture of me and OMG -is that me??? That can’t be me?!?!? I’m embarrased this fat girl hangs out with my friends thinking she is something she is not. OBESE girl, it has shamed me to the point of tears. and let’s face it, 214 is pretty damn fat, I’m not a little chubby, I’m obese and the pictures confirm it everytime.
Conversely, when I have lost weight and still feel fat, I will see a picture where I look alright and remember feeling fat on that day. Pictures don’t lie.
P.S. I don’t know you but I read your blog from time to time and when you posted that pic in the blue sweater, wow, there is definetly a big difference. keep with it, it’s working.
I too have skinnier pictures and remember still feeling fat. But I love that you still go out with your friends with confidence! People also see the way you feel and present yourself, not just how you look! Rock what you’ve got, girl!
Yes! I had this exact same problem. I could never tell a difference in the mirror, but when I would look at pictures I could really tell. I sometimes would stare at the same picture of myself for quite a few minutes because I couldn’t believe it was me. I did this for a good 3-4 years. And somehow my mind finally caught up with my body. I know what I look like now and I am comfortable with it. However, I still think I am my own worst critic and I see/notice things that others don’t.
You are doing great! I am so proud of you!
Thank you so much! The more time I spend with you, the more I have difficulty believing that you ever had weight issues. I love that I know you as an “after” to keep me believing that it is possible and that I can do it!
Absolutely. I look in the mirror sometimes and think I’m fat but I’m not THAT fat. Um… yeah, I’m 270 lbs I AM THAT FAT. Then I see a picture, which frankly I try to avoid and realise that the mirror lies to me. I swear it’s the opposite of what an anorexic sees.
Yeah, I think there is something to be said about how what we see impacts our choices. It’s like my inability to see what I really looked like made me less likely to change my day-to-day behavior. Let pictures motivate you! Just like that friend that calls you out…
Heck yeah… and we’re not alone. Just last week I read this (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31489881/ns/health-womens_health/) article on MSN. I’ve lost 55-60lbs. Some days, I really feel and recognize that. Other days I think “My gosh! Am I always going to be obese.”
The daily picture thing is smart. It’s a good way to see those changes when your brain might be failing to recognize the weight loss. If you don’t mind, I might steal that idea. I can see myself looking at pics before I indulge in a food treat or consider skipping the gym as a little boost of motivation to make a good decision.
Wow! What a great article. And so true. It’s nice to read everyone’s stories and know that I’m not alone in feeling that way. Thanks for posting that, Tina!
Also, keep on keepin’ on, Krissie. I can definitely tell a difference in the picture you posted here and the ones on your ‘about me’ page. You look great!
Thanks for the encouragement!
Dude, take all the pictures you want. It really helps me stay motivated. And thanks for the article. It was brilliant. I went shopping today and, out of habit or fear, I grabbed everything in 20s and XXL. You should have seen the mini-fit I threw in Gap because of what I fit into. It was a beautiful moment. And, even though I didn’t buy, I sure did take a picture!
I am only realizing NOW, since I’ve gained back 20+lbs, that I was TINY at my lowest, yet I felt HUGE.
Body dysmorphia is a wild ride and it comes with losing a lot of weight.
I just wish I had realized how far I had come then instead of struggling now.
Just goes to show that this isn’t a journey that has a finish line, eh?
Only every day. It finally got so annoying with people telling me how much weight I’ve lost (and me thinking that I didn’t look that much different), that I had to dig out a before picture.
Luckily, a few weeks after that my BFF posted some really old pictures of us and I really got to see the difference. Now on my desktop, I have 3 pictures: June, 2004, October, 2008, and May, 2009. I see them every day and every day it’s a reminder.
It is hard to take other people’s compliments as truth sometimes, isn’t it? And it’s also hard for me that my husband doesn’t notice since he sees me everyday and sees all the change as gradual. But let him see an old picture of me – he notices then!
Absolutely. I think for me it was exactly what you were saying: I never really saw myself honestly before. I never really looked. It’s only now that I’m gaining weight with pregnancy that I’ve thought about it–before this I weighed 186 pounds. I used to weigh 242, maybe more. But I. Weighed. 186. Pounds. On purpose. I did it on purpose and I did it myself. I know it’s still ‘overweight’ but, whatever–it was significant to me. While I was still losing weight I would always think about the next jeans size that was coming but now, with a little perspective (coming from somewhere near my round belly :) )I can see what a difference it is to go from a 24 to a 16 in jeans, for example. Anyway, I believe it has to do with being kind to ourselves, seeing ourselves with compassion, and with as much objectivity as we can muster. I did have these moments sometimes when I was walking around at a mall and I would catch a glimpse of someone–just a regular looking someone who didn’t make me think ‘look at those hips!’ and realize it was my own reflection in a door. Those moments were like reality smacks in the face and they made me feel like inhaling sharply, saying, ‘oh!’. But enough rambling from me! In any case, you’re not alone. You have changed, are changing. Your good-ness remains, but that’s no reason not to celebrate the control you’re gaining over your circumstances.
Objectivity about myself is HARD! I look forward to reality smacks like those you talk about. You are so encouraging! Hope all is going well with the pregnancy!
I thought of you last time I drove through Catlettsburg…You know I double-checked my speed!
Good thing! I’m sure that guy is still out there, lurking, just in case an easy $300 like me comes zooming by!!!
You’re not crazy. I feel the exact same way. It wasn’t until I gained back a little bit of the weight that I lost a few months ago that I could see where I had lost (hindsight! it’s a bitch!). But I think it makes sense that you only see the difference in pictures. How many stories have you heard of people who say “I never realized how big I was until I saw a photo of myself at ‘X’ event”?
For what it’s worth, I totally see a difference. And give it time and you will too. Until then, focus on the changes you can see (the fact you can shop at stores you couldn’t before, the loose feeling of your pants, etc.) and keep chugging!
You know I’m chugging right along! Every day! Isn’t it sad how quickly lost weight can find you? But you’re getting it back together!
I feel that way after having lost 70#s! If I go off course for one meal I feel like my waist is back in size 22/24 pants. I heard it take a LONG time to get your head in sync with your body. Sure wish it was easier though….it might help me get these last 20#’s off!
Keep up the good work!
I understand your feeling about going off course. I had an off-day last week. Even though I ended up only 150 calories over my target, I felt terrible and really scared – what if I couldn’t get it back together? But I did. And it was nice to have that fear. It made me feel better about my motivation and my resolve.
Congrats on the loss! Just keep doing what works for you and you’ll get there!
It is so hard to see the difference in ourselves when we are losing weight… but when we gain, why do we see it instantly? I’ve never figured that one out.
Anyway… I’m with the other Sarah on this one. It didn’t take me years, but I did fell like my perception of self lagged behind the reality. I’m going through that again now. On the way down others could see something that I couldn’t living with myself everyday. When I got to goal I still was unsure of just how much space I took up, what my shape looked like and occasionally still thought of myself as fat. That got easier when I was able to see my entire body. My house is covered in mirrors. Mostly vintage and antiques I’ve picked up from flea markets and antique stores over the years. Everything from deco pink colored glass, hand beveled, hand silvered, wall mirrors, door mirrors, vanity mirrors, mirrored pictures frames, blue mirrored table tops. It sounds extreme when I write it down, but it truly has helped me get a sense of my shape and how much space I occupy and it is hard to think of yourself of fat when you are constantly seeing an image that is not, or one that is changing. At 345 I avoided mirrors, not a good idea, you have to know what you look like, I was in denial. I’m not saying run out and change your decorating scheme, but a full length mirror at a minimum I think is a must. It keeps you honest and really allows you to get a good look at yourself.
The pictures and the comments from others don’t lie and eventually your brain will catch up to your body. But in the meantime, we see what we want to see I believe…. you are changing in a wonderful positive way. Look for that and you’ll notice the difference!