I’ve tried to explain how I feel to Nathan, but he just doesn’t get it.

I don’t know that anyone who hasn’t been fat can completely understand. But I’ll give it a try.

I’ve been very limited to what I can wear. Been restricted to the plus sized section. To Lane Bryant. Resorted to praying that the biggest size in Old Navy would fasten and not look like I poured myself into it.

Today I had to go shopping. I realized that the dress pants I was wearing just didn’t cut it. And when a belt is too big, it doesn’t help hold up pants that are too big.

So off to the mall I went. I started at my new favorite, Lerner/NY&Co. Even though I find the email I received from them absolutely hilarious, I bought the jeans in the advertisement. I had tried them on before but today they fit! I also bought a black cardigan because I don’t think I have one. I also tried on an awesome dress that I totally rocked, but I didn’t know where I’d wear it and I already have a black strapless dress. So the sweater and the jeans. That was all. But I snapped my daily picture in the dress and the sweater. I have a waist!

Then I headed to Gap. I didn’t find anything I had to have. I found a pair of jeans I would have liked, but they only had an 18 and they were (gasp!) too big. I stood there in disbelief. I’ve walked through Gap so many times with Nathan, just petting all the clothes, not even thinking about trying anything on because I knew nothing would fit. And today. Something was too big. In Gap. It was almost more than I could handle.

On a whim, I decided to step across the hall from Gap. Into the Limited. I don’t think I’ve been in the Limited since 2004. But I grabbed a few things off the clearance racks. A sales lady offered me a dressing room. “Have you lost weight?” she asked. I simply said yes. “I can tell,” she said. “Your pants are massive.” I laughed, thanked her, and told her that’s why I was there.

I tried a few things on, and she asked how I was doing. I was embarrassed to tell her I couldn’t open the doors because I was crying. I was wearing a 16. In the Limited. She proceeded to bring me pants and more pants and so many shirts to try. And the next thing I knew, I had an entire wardrobe – that fit! from Limited! – in front of me.

She asked me if I needed anything else and I said no, that I had some narrowing down to do. She laughed and informed me that the clearance items were marked down an additional 40% from the lowest price.

At that point, I said a prayer of gratitude, loaded up with my bounty, and headed to the register.

An entire wardrobe. 6 pair of dress pants, 7 tops, 1 dress…

I am not kidding.

I am very pleased with the price of my wardrobe, but I cannot stop thinking about the experience. I can wear clothes from normal stores. I can try something on and decide if it looks good or not. In the past, if it buttoned, I bought it. But now I can make choices. I can decide if I prefer the shiny black pants or the soft black pants. I have control over how I look because I have options.

I feel like a new person. I am so proud of where I am because I have tried so hard. I put in hard work every day. I’ve skipped sweets and drinks and seconds. And EVERY FREAKING CHOICE was worth it.

And I’m not done yet.