I had a blast in Georgia last week. An absolute blast.

Except for Friday morning.

Ever since Angie posted pictures a few weeks ago, I’ve been looking forward to running on the beach. We get into our house on Thursday night and I made a plan. I researched the tide chart and sunrise. I wanted to be on the beach at 7am.

I get up at 6:15. I grab my cup of coffee and my clif bar and headed out to the front porch to hang out with my Momma.

I opened the front door and was smacked in the face. Heat, humidity. Before sunrise. At that point, I knew I was in trouble. Heat and humidity are not my friends. Not at all.

I headed out anyway. I picked out one of my Jesus Music playlists and I was off.

I thought heat was not my friend? Neither is running on sand. Horrible. My feet hurt. My knees hurt. And that was before the first song was over. I kept finding reasons to stop and take pictures. A seagull? Yes, I think I need to take a picture of that. That’s a reason to stop. A red shell? I need to pick that up and take it home to Nathan. It represents my first run on the beach. I’ll take a picture of that too. Oh! The sunrise is beautiful! Let’s take a picture of me with the sunrise. I tried to take a dozen and the lighting was always off. That was a long break. Every time I started to run, I almost cried. Even with Jon Foreman singing the Lord’s Prayer in my ear.

Just horrible. I ended up running about 8 minutes once it was all put together. U.G.L.Y.

And that made me nervous. What if I’m not a runner after all? What if I’m not cut out for this and I imagined my successful runs? I was very discouraged.

Then tonight I ran. I didn’t know what to expect. I had ran several 25 minute runs, but had struggled for the past week – and then taken 3 days off. The last thing I wanted was to get discouraged. So I sat my timer for 30 minutes. And off we went. I told Nathan I was committing to 20 minutes. I would do everything I could to make it to 25. And I really wanted to make 30. But I didn’t know.

I ran 30 minutes. I feel amazing. I was really impressed at my recovery too. I stretched. I tweeted. I started dinner (you’ll see the Pumpkin Lentil Curry recipe for Meatless Monday next week). And before I knew it, I felt fine. Not shaky, not rubbery. Fine. Strong. Proud.

I am a runner. I believe that. I am a runner.

Fall has arrived! We had the windows open but had to close them because it got cold! Yay!

I have so much to blog about. I have a zillion posts floating around in my head, but I’m really too tired to go into any of them tonight. So, in true Krissie style, I’m gonna give you a teaser for blogs to come. A photographic teaser.

…and here’s hoping I will remember what each of these pictures represent.

And, by the way? Vacation is OVER. That means eating and exercise are back on track. Starting….NOW!

Amen.

So I can now wear my wedding dress again. It is beautiful. I miss it. I want to get married again.

I wanna do it again!

Grass skirt and all.

Hello from Georgia! Today we drove into Tybee Island and tomorrow is Savannah Day.

So many pictures. So little time to upload. A few of my favorites? Yes, I’d love to!

More pictures to come! But first:

• I realize it’s only been one day, but I MUST get my eating under control. Starting now. No more buffalo chicken dip,  wedding cookies, chocolate covered pretzel sticks, apple cake, pizza, etc. etc. etc. And NO Pepsi. I successfully dodged the Pepsi bullet tonight even though I REALLY wanted a can. I am strong. ROAR!!
• Tomorrow morning I will run. Even though I despise morning runs, it is too freaking hot to run in the afternoon. My plan is to run on the beach at sunrise.
• I may not count calories I won’t be counting calories, but I am still going to take pictures of food for accountability. They’ll be at the usual place – growlinmytummy.com. If you don’t see my food, call me out. I need you ladies!

I know that emotional eating is bad. I get that.

But what about when I recognize it and want it anyway?

I’ve told y’all a lot about my grandfather that we lost in January. But I don’t think I’ve told you anything about my other grandfather.

Papaw Carr had Alzheimer’s. I don’t remember a lot of him after 1998 or so. When he realized he wasn’t who I remembered, I said goodbye to him then. That was a long time before he passed in 2002. It sounds so strange, but I had mourned for him long before he was gone.

There are so many foods that I associate with Papaw Carr. He loved cornbread and milk eaten like cereal. He would bring sausage and biscuits to me about morning a week when I was in elementary school. We used to pull off the side of the road, break icecicles off the side of the hill, and eat them like popcicles.

He also loved ice cream sandwiches.

We were discussing cases last week at work, and someone started talking about a patient who they think has early stage Alzheimer’s. And, of course, my thoughts went to Papaw. And of all his favorites, the only food available to me at the hospital?

Hello Ice Cream Sandwich.

And I was okay with that. I acknowledged that it was emotional eating. I was completely aware that I was eating it because he loved it. And I was willing to put in the extra calorie burn that evening to deal with it.

What to you think? Do you ever recognize something as emotional eating and do it anyway?

Disclaimer: I must apologize. The link I’m about to refer to – I saw it on somebody’s twitter. I know I favorited it on my phone, but now it’s gone. I have gone through that person’s tweets, and I still can’t find it. I guess they deleted it. But I still have a lot to say about the subject. I am very sorry. Carry on.

I love twitter. I love clicking links in twitter. Some make me think, some make me laugh, and at some I roll my eyes. But sometimes I wonder if I just don’t get it.

One of the blogging sites posts a daily writing prompt. (I’m thinking it may be livejournal, but again without the link I’m not sure!) One day last week, the prompt was something like this: If you had a day where everything you ate didn’t have any calories, what would you eat? Would you eat differently? More? Different things?

The responses to this prompt were disturbing to me. People saying that it belittled and even encouraged eating disorders. That you would starve to death if calories didn’t count for a day. That the question was insensitive and inappropriate and mocking of eating disorders.

My first thought? Back off peeps! Have we gotten to the point where we have to be uber-sensitive about everything? Where we can’t just take a question that removes responsibility and accountability in an impossible reality and just dream? Am I missing something? Is this question really a big deal? Is it any different than asking about drinking? What you would do with a million dollars? How many hours a night you would sleep if you had no other responsibilities? How many kids would you have if money wasn’t a contstraint? If Nathan and I have the conversation about “freebies” (Jillian Anderson for him and mine is up in the air…Maybe Eric Bana. Nathan knows why), is that encouraging or giving permission for infidelity? With this line of thinking, isn’t any question that has a dream component disrespectful to someone’s issues?

And my second thought? A calorie free day? That kind of day would be fabulous.

I have counted calories daily since February. That’s been almost 8 long months. 8 months where I have made a conscious thought about everything I’ve put into my mouth. Most days, I’ve recorded every single bite. Recently I’ve even photographed it and posted it to my other blog. Does that make me obsessive? Does that mean I have an eating disorder? I don’t think so. I would LOVE to have a day where calories didn’t count. Where I could eat according to mood or whim and not think about how much running I would have to do to pay for a treat.

I’ve mentioned before that I think about calories like money – deciding where and when I will spend, save, and earn extra in order to indulge. And I also have to keep track of money. I know a lot of us don’t keep a checkbook anymore (the anal-retentiveness of both Nathan and I require that we do), but we all at least check our online bank balances often, right? How is keeping track of money for people who have financial restraints any different than keeping track of calories if I have eating and weight issues?

When Nathan and I went on our honeymoon, we played the “Money Doesn’t Matter” game. We were given suprise cash at the wedding and knew that we were becoming a dual-income family. We knew that for the week, we were financially stable. So we ate where we wanted, bought what we wanted, and didn’t worry about it. We balanced our checkbook when we got home and made amendments to our spending habits for the next few weeks. Was that behavior encouraging financial irresponsibility? I don’t think so. I think it was taking a treat for a trip we would never have again. We were in a financial situation we probably wouldn’t have the flexibility for when we had a mortgage and a car payment and all the things that come with growing up. Did we go crazy? Did we order insane amounts of alcohol or buy jewelry? No. We enjoyed ourselves, but we didn’t go crazy.

For me? that would be the way I would approach the calories-don’t-matter day. For starters, I wouldn’t want to be physically uncomfortable. I would want to really enjoy the day. So that would guide the way I ate. I think I would eat probably around the same amounts but eat foods that are more calorie dense than is my norm.

So what would this day of no caloric restraint look like?

Breakfast: Coffee, quiche (with crust) and fruit salad. And probably a BIG glass of 2% milk.

Lunch: Chicken salad on a criossant. Chicken salad with grapes and apples and walnuts. And without celery. I hate celery. And some sweet potato chips.

Snack: Probably a milkshake. A Mocha milkshake from Steak ‘n Shake. Or maybe one of those Chic-Fil-A milkshakes I hear so much about.

Dinner: A nice dinner salad with balsamic viniagrette. Lasagna. Bread. Tiramisu. We’d probably split the dessert because I’d be full, but I’d eat half anyway. With another cup of coffee.

My calorie-free day would look a lot like a normal day of my pre-calorie counting life. As much as I love where I am, I would like to have one of those days without guilt. Maybe I’ll get to that point someday, but I can’t give myself that kind of flexibility yet. I’m just not that strong.

So what do you think? Am I not taking that prompt seriously enough? Do you agree or disagree with me?

And, most imporantly, what would your “calories don’t count” day look like?

in honor of my dear friend Fat Bridesmaid, here is the summary of tonight’s Bigest Loser!

Hello Biggest Loser! Happy Tuesday!

Cute little Coach Mo talks about how hard it was to send Alexandra home. And the nitpicking starts about who should have lost more…like 12 wasn’t enough. Come on, people.

A twist? Here goes Ali. They all lean in…They won’t have to vote anyone off next week if…everyone loses a combined total of 150 as a group. Don’t lose the 150? And 2 people go home. That sounds really rough for the 2nd week, that’s typically the slump week. It’s a scary challenge.

Coach Mo rallies the team to make a plan. He says they should work as a team, use Dan’s experience to help them make it through week 2. Dan’s history: 30 pounds in week 1, 3 pounds in week 2. That makes Mo a little nervous. But he insists that it will be done. And he rallies his people.

First workout of the week. Here come the trainers. And they call everyone to the middle of the gym. Bob prepares them mentally for week 2. The trainers hear the challenge – and the trainers appear a little discouraged. Jillian tells them they have to find the sweet spot with eating and training. And they’re off!

I really like how Bob says they have to work or they’re gonna “lose people.” Our little Bob sees this as his job. I love this guy.

Jillian explains the eating and hormones, energy, planning, all about eating. We see Bob being the aggressive trainer and Jillian being the encouraging nutritionist. Not used to that.

Mr. Brown breaks down in the gym. Bob reminds him why he’s working. “I’m never gonna let you rest. Every day, I’m gonna train you so that you won’t be gone tomorrow.” Did I mention that I love this guy?

And commercial one is here.

Dena and Rudy (the Blue Team) are waiting on Bob. (Did he just say 1200 in and 6000 burn? Really?) He tells Dena to chill out – that she’s stressing too much. They are stressing out because they want to keep everyone here. He tries to explain how stress will cause gain – or at least decrease loss – and I don’t know if they’re hearing that.

Jillian brings the Brown Team into the kitchen to help them cook. She encourages them to prepare meals in bulk so it’s not so time consuming during the week. And here is Ziplock product placement. It is really taking them 90 minutes to cook? I do really like the fact that the bags stand up, though. This might be product placement that works for me. And in 10 minutes they made snacks for the week! (Do we really need to be told that can be done?)

Coach Mo goes to the hospital to see Tracey.  We’re reminded of how she left. Collapsing during the first challenge. Mo took her a purple shirt at the hospital. She is adorable! He tells her that Purple is still fighting. She says she might get to be released the next day.

Dan (Orange) tells the others how strange it is to see Bob and Jillian working together. Shay (Orange) seems really focused and motivated. And they are off to the gym for their evening workout. Everybody seems exhausted and kinda defeated. They start picking each other apart – who is really working and who is taking it easy. Orange are still in the gym. It looks like Julio was gone for a long time. Shay starts to question Julio’s honesty about his burn and she tries to encourage and challenge him. Not sure how that’s gonna work out…

We return from commercial break to Tracy coming back into the house! Everyone is excited to see her, and she is happy to be back. She says she feels weak. She says why she went to the hospital was “huge.” But doesn’t really go into any details about her health. She puts on the Purple shirt and is very thankful for her Biggest Loser Family and is ready to get caught up on the details of the ranch.

Tracy and Bob sit down. Tracy talks about her nervousness about not being able to work out like everyone else because the doctor doesn’t have her cleared. So Bob tells her about how she has to be perfect with her eating. And more product placement – Biggest Loser Protein powder. No thanks. Whatever.

The contestants are brought into the Four Seasons Hotel without knowing if they are having a temptation or challenge. They are at California Health and Longevity Institute. We are going to learn about eating with a special guest.

On the way to commercial, Jillian reminds us to keep a food journal.

(I’m staying with my parents back in my hometown tonight, and they just showed the forecast with the local weatherman. He’s been the weatherman since I was a kid. He’s starting to look old. Sorry, Tony Cavalier. It’s the truth. But that means that I’m getting older too.)

Back from commercial, Curtis Stone is going to share tips for eating. And there will be a quiz after for a 15 pound advantage.  I’d be paying attention.

We talk about portion size. 3-4 oz of protein. And they use a food scale. He also talks about method of cooking and how that impacts calories. Salad isn’t always the best choice. Replacing some pasta with vegetables. Brilliant. And now we talk about pop (you might call it soda).  Healthy snacks are really beneficial. Yumm. String cheese. They are starting to feel overwhelmed. Time for the quiz? Nope. Time for commercial.

(Have I mentioned that I am staying at my parents’ house tonight? And that I can see cake on the counter that is calling me? I’m ignoring it. Because I ran today. And because I can’t eat crap during the Biggest Loser. Sorry. Carry on.)

Okay, now it’s time for the quiz. I just got really confused at how this will work…5 of 8 questions right and they will have a 15 pound advantage. Okay, one team at a time. I get it. Let’s roll.

Purple: Portion size for protein for a family of four. Pick a plate. They got it right! That’s 1!

Orange: 3 ways to cook without oil. Eat, poach, broil. Another point!

Brown: Guessing calories in a Chicken Ceasar Salad. 540, 840, or 1010. They go with 1010 and it’s correct!

Pink: You can save how many calories by substituting half zucchini for half pasta? They guess 248, and they are right!

Green: They can bring it home! Soda. How many calories are in a 16 oz soda with 3 refills? 685, 747, 789. Whoa. Those numbers are close. That seems really picky to me. They guess 789, and it was 747. I don’t like this question. I think it should be thrown out. But I’m not involved with the show. And I’ve to quit ranting and stay focused. Carry on.

Red: Guess which snack is less than 150 calories. They choose parfait, answer was cup of fruit with some chocolate.  Sorry, Red.

Blue: Why is it important to add protein to snack? 2 reasons. Fuller and fuel for muscles. And everyone is nervous. And it is correct! They did it! 15 pound advantage to the group goal!

And we’re an hour in! That went by fast! Time for the challenge!

Here they are – at a lake, with some crazy diamond-shaped contraption in the middle. A balancing challenge maybe?

Here we go. 4 rafts separated by balance beams. They have to go from raft to raft as a team. No one can move to another raft until everyone is standing on the one prior. If anyone falls in, everyone loses. And the beam gets skinnier after each raft. For each raft they all make it to, they get a reward: 5 pounds, another 5 pounds, call home, and 10 more pounds. Finishing gets 25 pound advantage and calls home. But EVERYBODY has to make it. This is gonna be nuts.

And we’re off.  With a lot of nervousness, they all make it to the 5 pound raft.

They head to the second 5 pound raft. The second beam is thinner. And nerves are starting to really work against them. Abby (Green) starts having a really hard time. The beam starts shaking for everyone…and it’s time for commercial.

(And that cake taunting me? It’s pumpkin. Made by my Mamaw. It must be fantastic. I must be strong.)

We’re still teetering. Abby reaches out for help. More teetering, but they seem to get it together. And they all make it to the second raft.

The next beam is tiny. Sean (Red) starts talking about how much he wants to talk to his pregnant wife. That makes me sad. Mr. Brown is determined. Everyone is really working together. Holding hands. Yelling encouragement. Hugging. Beautiful teamwork. This was really a nice team building for week 2. And they all make it to the third raft! They have calls home! I really didn’t think they had a chance.

And now a really narrow beam – 6 inches wide – to get the last 10 pound advantage. Shay (Orange) is getting freaked out before she even gets on the beam. Everyone is on. And now they start climbing off onto the final raft. They move slowly slowly…and they make it!

Again, let me say, I didn’t think they had a chance. These people really impressed me. Go Biggest Loser Peeps, go.

Alison reminds them that the scale still looms ahead of them. Thanks for being a buzzkill, there, Ali.

The calls home are so encouraging. Abby (Green) talks about 2 butterflies following her. Sean’s (Red) wife had an ultrasound and they are having a girl! So many tears! I would be a big hot mess if I hadn’t talked to Nathan in 2 weeks and then had a call. A big. hot. mess.

They’re back from the challenge – back from the calls – and the mood is good. They have a 35 total pound advantage. And the trainers put them back to reality. 115 pounds would still be huge for them. And Jillian still isn’t comfortable with them pulling 115. So now Bob and Jillian brainstorm about how to make it happen. She knows that week 3 would suffer. So they decide who they are going to “go after.” Bob says he’s going after Julio.  The trainers recognize that he’s not pulling it.

And it’s Last Chance Workout. And Julio starts “my legs are dead” already.

Bob’s gonna kick his ass.

Julio starts talking a good game after Bob is done with him. Jillian is killing everyone pretty much equally. Bob and Jillian against all the contestants. Bob and Jillian playing tug-of-war against Rudy. And he’s giving them a fight. Awesome, Rudy.
I’m so glad I haven’t seen the ladder treadmill thing tonight. That thing gave me nightmares.

Commercials! In case you’re wondering, they are different depending on location. Central Kentucky? Bariatric surgery, spas, etc. Eastern Kentucky? Local pizza, grocery stores. Just so you know.

Jillian says the gym is like truth serum. They can’t hide what they want or why they’re doing it. The contestants are beaten into submission – beaten into being honest with themselves. Beautiful. Shay has a breakdown about her Mom. A breakdown where she realizes she’s letting go of emotions with the release of the weight.

And then I got caught up in the beauty of Bob’s accent (strength = straan-gth) but I’m refocused now.

Headed to the weigh-in. Julio says he’s earned sticking around. Alison reminds them what they’ve accomplished this week – how they’ve earned a 35 pound advantage.

Pink heads to the scale – Mandy loses 4. Rebecca loses 6. Everyone is visibly upset.

(And then Jillian tweets this and I got really excited! @JillianMichaelsSomething so sweet I forgot to mention. Sean from BL8 named his baby girl Jillian May!!! So flattered. My first namesake. Luv u Sean. Xox)

Okay, back to the show. Now the rest of the crew has to lose 105.

Purple: Tracey loses 10 and 9 down for Coach Mo. Go Tracey! Even with restricted workouts! They are both awesome! Balance to lose? 86 pounds to keep everyone safe.

Here comes Red! Sean loses 11, Antoine loses 8. (Are Bob and Jillian in matching jackets?) 67 left to lose.

Allen and Abby on Green. Allen loses 10. Abby loses 11. This is CRAZY for Week 2!

Brown: Liz loses 10, and Danny loses 12. Is this really Week 2? Liz is adorable. Maybe poop won’t be Brown this year…24 pounds left to lose!

Blue: Dina and Rudy. Rudy loses 14 and Dina loses 8.

Julio- solo Black team member – loses 19. NINETEEN. This is unreal.

Orange is last. Dan and Shay. Bob and Jillian smile…Dan loses 7. Shay loses 16.

Let me just say that this is insane. INSANE. And I don’t just throw all caps out there often. Week 2 total? 155. They met the original goal. Craziness.

And next week? Choosing to be trainer-less? Jillian’s gonna kill ‘em.

Will it be b-a-n-a-n-a-s? I’m sure it will be.

Next week, come to the liveblog! And check out tonight’s comments here!

Oh. my. goodness.

I am tired.

My run today was horrible. Muggy, humid, just not good.

I’m at Mom and Dad’s tonight because tomorrow we leave for our girl’s trip to Savannah!

Tonight, though, I’m hosting the Biggest Loser Liveblog over at FatBridesmaid‘s and writing the episode summary which will show up here tomorrow.

Look out for vacation pictures – coming soon!

Time for my BlogapaLOSE check-in! I hope it’s okay that I’m not posting my weight because, after all, I’m scale-free until November 3rd. But I will show my progress picture for the week!

I know this isn’t the picure you’re used to. Its not from a bathroom. And these are my pajamas. But this is important.

The shirt is my blue “gauge shirt.” One of my favorite shirts ever. I kept it from my first round of skinny. And I’ve put it on so many times in the last 5 years. It fits now. If it weren’t for the horrible bleach spots and other grease stains, I would wear it in public. Probably a lot. And the pajama pants? I pulled them out of my “skinny box” just to see how close they were to fitting. They fit. And I slept in them. And they are wonderful.

I’m starting to really look forward to the day when my skinny box is empty. When everything fits. I know I have 20 pounds to go for that to be the case, but I know I’ll get there. I’m not worried about how long it takes me to get there. I just know I will.

So do any of you have a skinny box? Does it encourage or discourage you?

Have a great week!

So today I’m quitting Weight Watchers.

It was forever ago (February, I think) that I won free weeks from both Token Fat Girl and HotByBlogHer. And I’ve managed to stretch out 20 meetings until September. Last free coupon today.

I’m not attached to Weight Watchers enough to go and pay. I’m not working the program. I haven’t actually counted a point in months. I have only gone for the accountability of a scale that I knew I could trust. (My scale is an inconsistent, illogical whore.) But now that I’ve given up the scale until November, there is absolutely no reason for me to go.

I’ve quit Weight Watchers at least a dozen times. I don’t know that “quit” is the best word. I’ve avoided Weight Watchers. I’ve stopped going beause I’ve been embarrassed because I haven’t been able to get myself together. But have I ever made an actual, conscious decision to quit? I don’t know. I think in the past I’ve just kind of faded away.

I don’t feel like I’m fading away. I think I’ve got a nice simmer going. I’m just chugging along, making sure the fire is at a nice, steady smolder. And I think that’s a great place to be.

What am I finishing? C25K. I had considered quitting and picking up another running program- a “running a faster and smarter” 5K.

I mean, look how cool this that? And my iPod will just tell me what to do? I don’t have to think about it or look early and get nervous? It’s like having a running trainer. I’m so excited!

But I still have 2 more weeks of C25K. Even though the runs on this training program start where I am now (with 2 mile runs), I’m gonna finish what I’ve started.

In more ways than one.