I’ve been trying to figure this out. What the difference has been this time around. I’ve been pretty successful. I’ve had off days – but everyone does. I know I’m taking Adipex, but I was successful for several months before that insane plateau. And I’m not taking it every single day. I stopped it for a whole week last month. It does help with appetite, but it’s not a magic pill that makes everything go away. This week is my last week until my doctor decides to put me back on it. I’m more than content to go alone for a while and reevaluate next time I get stuck.

Anyway, I was going somewhere? Oh yes, why this time feels different.

I think it all boils down to something I heard Jillian say – kind of in passing – on her podcast. She talked briefly about taking the emotion out of weight loss. She said to stop thinking about it as a battle, not to think about “winning” or “overcoming” or “persevering.” She said to think about it as math – calories in, calories out. No emotion, no battle. Just putting the work in to get the results you want.

Unrelated to weight, there are a lot of things I want. I want to eat. I want to have a safe, warm place to sleep. I want to have clean clothes and a working car and iPods. In order to have these things, I have to get up and go to work every day. Do I moan about it? Sometimes. But do I get emotional about it? Do I think how unfair it is that I wasn’t born into money? That I haven’t won the lottery? That I REALLY want a new purse or a new necklace without having to work for it? No. I put in the work to get what I want.

And school was the same way. There were times when it was really hard. When we were newly married. When my internship was an hour away. When I had either class or work 7 days a week for 5 months (times 2 semesters). I groaned about it, but it was worth suffering through, worth working toward. Because it got me what I want.

I think about what I want. I want to be a runner. I want to believe in myself. I want to shop at boutiques in Asheville. I want a lot of things. And I just have to do the work to get it. So on the days when I REALLY wanted an ice cream sandwich? I have to decide if I’m willing to put in the work at the gym to get rid of it. And the days that I REALLY don’t want to work out? I have to see where I can cut calories that day to make it come out even. And if I can’t make it work, then I decide to follow my original plan. Yesterday, I had 1 ½ pieces of this killer pumpkin loaf with chocolate chips. I had Nathan hide the rest of the loaf and I attempted a slow and painful death on the elliptical machine. Because I had to get the calories out. I didn’t stop to think if I wanted to or if it was fair or if I had the emotional energy to do it. I just did it.

I’m willing to work for everything else that I want. Why should my health be any different? And I hope that this “work” in the present day will rub off to be habits in my future.

So my BlogapaLOSEa check in…

This week I lost 1.8! (In 5 days since my last weigh-in was late.)

And be sure to visit Fat Bridesmaid tomorrow for the Biggest Loser LiveBlog! I’ve been looking forward to Tuesdays for a long time!