I’ve mad a big decision.

And noticed I’m a little bit of hypocrite.

I talk all big. I talk like, “I want to be a runner!” “I’m doing this to be healthy!” “I’m trying to eat real foods!”

But when it comes down to it? I’m obsessed with the scale. Every stinking day I climb on it. The first time with a yankee candle in each hand or a half-full box of cat litter. You know, to reset it. There is no logic. I get on the scale alone, subtract the 1.4 that it weighs heavy (compared to the WW scale), and pray that it’s less than the day before.

And that’s not the way I want to be.

I want to do this by myself. Without being obsessive. And for the right reasons.

So I’m gonna make some bold statements. Ready? Here we go.

My birthday is November 3rd. (My age this year is scary.) Between now and then, I am getting on the scale once. I have one free WW meeting left. I’m going this weekend. And after that? No scale until my birthday. Amen.

And? No more adipex. On my birthday, I’ll reevaluate. I’ll still have another prescription if I choose to fill it.

Bitch Cakes wrote an awesome post recently that smacked me in the face. I think I’ve read it about a million times. My favorite part?

What I have finally realized in the last few years is that losing weight is about so much more than just weighing less. I’ve completely reframed the entire process, and changed how I think about what I am doing. I realized that I had to stop focusing on trying to control my weight. Instead, I needed to focus on controlling my food and behaviors. By getting the food and behaviors under control – the things I truly have control over – then the weight will be under control as a result.

It’s a point I try to make often because I want it to click for everyone reading this – you have no control over what that scale does on any given day – so don’t let it bother you. Focus on what you CAN control – your food and behaviors.

This is who I want to be – how I want to think. I crave control. A lot. I have a very hard time letting it go. But the scale is something that I can’t control. And that’s okay. No one can. It doesn’t make me any less. I’m just focusing on the wrong thing.

I’m gonna assess my progress by my Streak – my calendar where I tick off (with a pretty little x) every day that my behavior stays on track – one calendar for eating and one for exercise. And that’s what will motivate me to keep going.

Will I miss my friend the scale? Probably at first. Will I miss Adipex? Probably. It’s gonna take some adjustment. I may be grouchy. I know it really took the emotion out of my eating. I really hope that my choices have become more habits at this point. But I’m gonna keep trucking along.

One little pretty x at a time.