I haven’t been doing all that well for the past week. I’ve had a buffalo fried chicken sandwich. And ice cream. And a horrible run a few days ago. And I don’t even know the last time I did Shred. Just not all that great.

Tonight I set out for a run. I didn’t know how long or how far. I just wanted to run. I put one of the old Jillian playlists on Jake the iPod, and off I went.

I didn’t really know what to expect. My last run was a huge, embarrassing failure. Tonight it is grey and cold and I could see my breath.

But then Jillian started talking about being in a rut. How SHE was in a rut. She was really struggling with motivation and she had tried everything she suggests for others. And nothing worked. She made an excuse that she had to pee during a class and just never went back. She skipped workouts with friends. She avoided her trainer. She took her dog out and turned around after 2 blocks and went back to her car. Jillian struggles.

Her producer challenged her, said that Jillian was afraid to be “in the pause.” That sometimes the pause happens. Don’t be self-destructive, but sit in it. Look at what is going on. Find solutions. If there’s no solution, just sit in it until there is. Recognize that there will be a time to unpause, but know that feeling guilty about it only makes it worse.

So the last week, I have been in the pause. But today I unpaused. I published every bite today on twitter and my food blog (except for the latte I haven’t had yet) and I ran. I ran for 5K and I beat my last time by 4:25. And Tiger Woods told me that I ran my fastest mile yet at 10:48. See?

Yay!

(Oh, and from what I gathered from the podcast, Jillian recorded it the week that we are in on the newest Biggest Loser. She talked about visiting contestants on their week home and about the crazy contestant that no one can stand! Ha!)

Never fear! I’m still working on the playlist from suggested songs. I’m not going to announce winners until I can post the playlist as well. But I haven’t forgotten!