Yesterday I talked about my lack of focus. But I had an epiphany. It isn’t lack of focus. It’s fear.

Fear?

Remember that feeling right before a big exam or a big interview? That panic feeling of “I can’t do this!” When you know you have prepared and you have everything you need to kick it but you have no faith in yourself?

It’s not just me, is it?

Anyway, a few days ago I got on the scale. And I celebrated. I’d lost 49.4 pounds. I realized I was so close to losing 50 by Christmas. It was so doable.

And, ever since, then? I just can’t get it together. Eating. Exercise. Cooking. Straightening the house. Focus at work. Nada. I just can’t get it together. And it all came to a head today in a crippling headache.

Unlike the exam or the interview that has an event that ends the stress, my weight loss journey doesn’t have that nice, neat ending with a pretty passing grade at the end. I go on, every day. And lately I’ve been afraid. And I’m realizing, as I take time to recognize my fears, that my fears are very irrational. Just like the panic before the exam that I ace.

On a podcast I was listening to recently (I can’t remember if it was Jillian or Two Fit Chicks), they were talking about negative thoughts and about keeping a log. So today, I did. (Sometimes I miss being a therapist – shut up. Don’t mock me!) And you get my fears…and my rebuttles.

1. What if I don’t lose any more? What if I’m stuck?

I know what to do to lose. I know what to do to maintain. I know what behaviors would cause me to gain. I’m not stuck. I control my behaviors. I make good choices. And if I get stuck? Who cares! I’m a runner. We eat well. I’m healthier. If I get stuck, I’ll get unstuck. It’s a process. And I like the process most days. It’s okay to be “in the pause.” And, really, it’s been like 3 days. Stop being so dramatic!

2. What if I can’t fit into the dress I want to wear tomorrow?

Really? I just bought it. Don’t even start that. Ridiculous. (And, if you remember, those grey Vera Wang pants were a size 12. TWELVE! You’re not making any sense.)

3. What was I thinking with this half marathon thing? I can’t do that!

Seriously? I went from struggling to run 30 seconds to running 45 minutes. I just need to get my schedule drawn out and follow it. My plan is flexible – to finish the one in March and to run the entirety of the course in April. Totally manageable. Just stop freaking out!

4. I won’t be able to keep my eating in check over Christmas. Why should it matter what I eat today?

Today is all I have to worry about. Making the next best choice. Every choice matters. Every good choice empowers me. Builds a foundation that I can lean on while I’m away from home. And I held it together at Thanksgiving, didn’t I? Without a lot of difficulty? That’s what I thought.

5. What if the tiny hole in the toe of my running shoes gets bigger? Can I afford a new pair of running shoes?

Come on. I’ve returned Nikes before. I’ve looked at the tongue, found the date, and know I still have a year to send them back for defect. That’s just silly, Krissie. Move on.

6. I don’t want to run today. Will I lose all my running base and have to start all over?

Friend, you ran the day before yesterday. People get sick and take time off. People go on vacation and take time off. They are still runners. 2 days without running happens a lot when I plan it. Run tomorrow. You will be fine.

Kinda hard to ignore that, huh? My fear log really helped me today. I just sent little emails to myself when I caught myself being irrational. When I see it all laid out at once, it looks really silly. I feel ready and prepared to face tomorrow and the holidays.

How about you? Have any fears you want me to reason you out of? I’m feeling pretty good at it!