We just got home from our wonderful weekend visit with Fat Bridesmaid! I was so excited to take more pictures this time.

She opened her Christmas gift when we got there. I was so excited that I found these vintage mugs that matched her kitchen perfectly. I knew she’d love them!

First order of business? Lunch. Lavomatic. Tomato soup and grilled cheese. Yumm.

We started off the festivities with a visit to a local winery. We took home several, but we are obsessed with the chocolate. Yummm. You’ll see it when we drink it.

FB took us to Findlay Market where we had to have gelato at Dojo. Even though the Porkopolis was good (bacon and all), I settled on coffee and chocolate.

We hung out for a while – laughing all the time – and then headed off to dinner and a show!

This is one of my favorite restaurants we’ve been to in a long time – Mayberry. Walking distance from FB’s. Very small space. Cozy, wonderful service, amazing food.

I had the pork over eggplant and with spicy apple slaw. We also split desserts. The best was these little soft gingerbread men with eggnog mousse. Amazing, gourmet, totally affordable meal. If you’re ever in Cincinnati, you must go.

And when FB tried to take this picture again with the flash, the camera completely died. Boo batteries!

And on to the show! The annual Christmas Homecoming Show from Over the Rhine.

photo from overtherhine.com

I was so bummed that I didn’t get to take any video! But our seats were fantastic and I was able to snap a few beauties with my phone. The show was a selection of their music with a hymn thrown in. Beautiful set. I hope that one day Nate and I will be as cool as Karen and Lindford.

We had brunch today at Take the Cake. I follow them on twitter and pine after their menu every. single. day.

We were not disappointed.

FB had the biscuits and gravy. Nate had the steak, biscuit and black beans. I went with shrimp and grits.

FB decided that with his beard and heavy coat, Nathan looked like a homeless man enjoying a warm meal. His new nickname is the Christmas Hobo.

We spent the afternoon in a variation of a hometown favorite – the Cincinnati Joseph Beth.

We made plans for our next visit – baking bread at my house sometime in January. More pictures then. I can’t wait.

It was such a great way to start our Christmas vacation! Now I have to make my running schedule. No more excuses!

So what did you do this weekend?

I’ve mentioned a few times on twitter (and here, I think) that I’ve been reading a book that made me angry. It’s taken me a long time to get through it because I’ve gotten so angry and made a lot of notes in it and basically read it out loud to Nathan in my rants. I decided tonight I didn’t want to waste any more days on it, so I finished it. And I’m surprised my eyes are still in my head. That’s how much eye rolling I did.

Yes, Gospel of Food, I am talking about you.

Overall issues with the book?

• He discusses how other authors have taken studies and interpreted the results in ridiculous ways. And then he does the exact same thing. (I’ll talk more about that.)
• The book is so disjointed! He  spends the first 2/3 of the book trying to upturn everything we think about food. Then he talks about restaurant reviewers and how ethnic food has been Americanized. And then how fast food is good for America. And then a very brief discussion about hunger in America.
• He writes in way that sounds like he totally disregards the benefits of whole and organic eating, but then his bio discusses his Sunday morning ritual of going to the Hollywood’s Farmer’s Market. Pick a side, buddy.
• His overall attitude? There’s a lot of food research out there. A lot of it disagrees. All of it can’t be right. If we don’t know what to believe, we shouldn’t believe anything.
• He puts people in two polarizing categories: people who are gluttonous and eat without care and people who eat in a way that deprives them of all pleasure. He doesn’t even acknowledge that there are a lot of people who eat well and food still makes them happy. (There are a lot of food bloggers out there that prove this. I want to eat like some of them!)
• He tends to end chapters with a snarky jab that only makes me angrier. (Example referring to the hamburger: “Until the naysayers come up with an equally tempting and affordable alternative, maybe they should hold off pontification about what may well be the most widely consumed entree in history.” p. 173)

Particular issues?

• Women who eat foods they are familiar with absorb more of the nutrients from the food based on a study of women eating foods of several different clutures, including their own. Glassner says this difference is because they enjoy the food. He proposes that we get the best nutritional benefit from foods we enjoy. He doesn’t stop to consider other reasons for this. Is it because their bodies are more familiar with foods? Or because they eat more of the food they are familiar with? Just seemed like a huge leap for me.
• He tries to blame obesity on everything except food. Particularly societal and economic gaps. Economic stress, living in distressed neighborhoods, lack of parental support, chronic loss of sleep are all stresses that impoverished people deal with. And the result of this stress? Sickness and obesity. You know what I think? When I am worried about finances/ feel stress/ lack of support/ sleep deprived I make BAD FOOD CHOICES. I go for the easy, the comforting, the unhealthy, the cheap. And he tries to separate these. That the stress causes health problems. I need to move on. I could get stuck here for a while.
• Really? You think that a food that has petroleum in it should be allowed to be called “natural” because petroleum comes from the earth? REALLY?
• “The worst that can be said about synthetic chemicals in conventional foods is that they may be high enough in some cases to put fetuses and small children at risk.” (p. 62) That’s not enough???
• Let’s run down his defense for fast food: It is a savior for single parents with limited time and finances. Children are given permission to eat with their fingers and be kids. Immigrants have a place to learn social norms. Homeless people have somewhere to get warm and get the American meal of meat, potatoes, and vegetable (where’s the vegetable in burger adn fries? the lettuce and tomato on the burger?). Teenagers have a safe place to hang out. Employees are generally happy and fulfilled by the work. Oh, and kids can exercise in the playland.

I could go on and on. But I like to end things on a positive note.

I do like some things…

• He uses someone else’s term: nonundelows. Foods that are non-, un-,de-, or low-. I LOVE this term. He likes full fat yogurt and acknowledges that nonundelows leave us unsatisfied and hungry.
• He acknowledges that the interactions of nutrients within foods are more beneficial nutritionally than the nutrients on their own. He has a beautiful paragraph that reads like “In Defense of Food.”

Okay. So that’s done. And my anger is done. And I’m moving on to the next book. And that feels good.

Yesterday I talked about my lack of focus. But I had an epiphany. It isn’t lack of focus. It’s fear.

Fear?

Remember that feeling right before a big exam or a big interview? That panic feeling of “I can’t do this!” When you know you have prepared and you have everything you need to kick it but you have no faith in yourself?

It’s not just me, is it?

Anyway, a few days ago I got on the scale. And I celebrated. I’d lost 49.4 pounds. I realized I was so close to losing 50 by Christmas. It was so doable.

And, ever since, then? I just can’t get it together. Eating. Exercise. Cooking. Straightening the house. Focus at work. Nada. I just can’t get it together. And it all came to a head today in a crippling headache.

Unlike the exam or the interview that has an event that ends the stress, my weight loss journey doesn’t have that nice, neat ending with a pretty passing grade at the end. I go on, every day. And lately I’ve been afraid. And I’m realizing, as I take time to recognize my fears, that my fears are very irrational. Just like the panic before the exam that I ace.

On a podcast I was listening to recently (I can’t remember if it was Jillian or Two Fit Chicks), they were talking about negative thoughts and about keeping a log. So today, I did. (Sometimes I miss being a therapist – shut up. Don’t mock me!) And you get my fears…and my rebuttles.

1. What if I don’t lose any more? What if I’m stuck?

I know what to do to lose. I know what to do to maintain. I know what behaviors would cause me to gain. I’m not stuck. I control my behaviors. I make good choices. And if I get stuck? Who cares! I’m a runner. We eat well. I’m healthier. If I get stuck, I’ll get unstuck. It’s a process. And I like the process most days. It’s okay to be “in the pause.” And, really, it’s been like 3 days. Stop being so dramatic!

2. What if I can’t fit into the dress I want to wear tomorrow?

Really? I just bought it. Don’t even start that. Ridiculous. (And, if you remember, those grey Vera Wang pants were a size 12. TWELVE! You’re not making any sense.)

3. What was I thinking with this half marathon thing? I can’t do that!

Seriously? I went from struggling to run 30 seconds to running 45 minutes. I just need to get my schedule drawn out and follow it. My plan is flexible – to finish the one in March and to run the entirety of the course in April. Totally manageable. Just stop freaking out!

4. I won’t be able to keep my eating in check over Christmas. Why should it matter what I eat today?

Today is all I have to worry about. Making the next best choice. Every choice matters. Every good choice empowers me. Builds a foundation that I can lean on while I’m away from home. And I held it together at Thanksgiving, didn’t I? Without a lot of difficulty? That’s what I thought.

5. What if the tiny hole in the toe of my running shoes gets bigger? Can I afford a new pair of running shoes?

Come on. I’ve returned Nikes before. I’ve looked at the tongue, found the date, and know I still have a year to send them back for defect. That’s just silly, Krissie. Move on.

6. I don’t want to run today. Will I lose all my running base and have to start all over?

Friend, you ran the day before yesterday. People get sick and take time off. People go on vacation and take time off. They are still runners. 2 days without running happens a lot when I plan it. Run tomorrow. You will be fine.

Kinda hard to ignore that, huh? My fear log really helped me today. I just sent little emails to myself when I caught myself being irrational. When I see it all laid out at once, it looks really silly. I feel ready and prepared to face tomorrow and the holidays.

How about you? Have any fears you want me to reason you out of? I’m feeling pretty good at it!

I’ve decided what my problem is.

It’s not motivation. I’ve got that under control. I have come so far and I’m ready to keep going!

It’s not determination. I know what I want to do. I’m determined to do it.

My problem is focus.

It’s the time of year that we all get distracted. So much to do. So much to bake. So many people to see. So much given to us. It’s just a lot going on at once. It’s wonderful and I love it and I just want to sit back and take it all in. Sit back, in my Christmas pajamas, watching the Christmas tree twinkle. With a glass of eggnog.

And I can forget my long term goals in all the lights and tinsel and wrapping paper (and chocolate).

I am of the persuasion that I will enjoy myself during the holidays. I’m not about strict rules and denying myself treats and making myself miserable. I was mindful over Thanksgiving and was satisfied with myself. I had half of a slice of (amazing) chocolate cake at our work Christmas party. I’m okay with planned and enjoyed indulgences. I welcome them, even.

But I’ve got to draw the line somewhere.

Today I got a little bag of goodies from a co-worker.

It’s not even lunch.

And here’s what’s left.

The wrappers of 6 hershey kisses, 2 mini peppermint patties, and 2 Reese bells.

Did I enjoy them? Did they leave an impression? Do I really even remember eating them?

Not really.

Come on, Krissie! Christmas isn’t here yet. You haven’t been around the homemade cookies and the sausage balls (squee!) and whatever concoction of sweetness your dad is going to make this year. Show restraint now so you can celebrate at the times that deserve celebrating without feeling guilt.

Focus, Krissie. FOCUS!

Any tips on staying focused? Help a girl out!

I used to be a very picky eater. VERY picky.

Until 6 years ago or so, I thought I hated seafood. Shrimp, scallops, any fish? I ran the other way. Ran. At some point, I realized I was just not trying outside of my comfort zone. Over the last few years, I’ve discovered that I love squashes of any type. And lentils. And curry. And Greek yogurt. My food horizon has just opened wide.

But it hasn’t all been good for me. I’d never tried pumpkin pie or pecan pie until a few years ago. And they are both fantastic.

We’ve been watching all the Christmas shows on Food Network. And Alton Brown can make anything look fantastic. So we started thinking. Two days ago? We bought a pint of eggnog.

Eggnog.

I’ve always thought it sounded gross. And it is so thick and who would ever like it?

I found the answer.

Me.

I love melted vanilla ice cream with Christmas spices, thank you very much.

The good news? We’ve drank less than half of it in three days.

The better news for my waistline? It’s not available all year long.

Right?

I had one resolution for 2009. To wear heels more often. And I’m doing that. Pretty regularly, actually. Including today.

I’ve spent the afternoon working on my resolution for 2010. One resolution. A race a month.

Races in Lexington. Louisville. Cincy. Asheville. Nashville? Nags Head? So many options!

I’ve been working on a calendar. With links.

I am committed to a Half Marathon. I just have to decide which one. And then commit to a training schedule.

This resolution thing is hard!

So have you started thinking about 2010?

It’s been a busy week, which means I haven’t been on my A game. Parents have visited. Work parties have been attended. Just a lot of time outside of my routine.

I haven’t exercised as much as usual. I’ve had 2 days without 100% calorie tracking (written down, but not added up yet). But  I’ve done well.

I’ve seen my smallest weight yet (yay!). I wore the next-to-smallest jeans out of my skinny box today. And I feel amazing.

Today we went out to lunch with my parents. Joe Bologna’s. We go there a lot with my parents. When I was a baby, they would drive 2 hours (one way) to eat there and then drive back home. It’s just one of their places. Although the pizza is really tasty, it’s not the way I want to eat. So they plan: thick crust, sausage, pepperoni, onions, olives. And it just wasn’t what I wanted. And then I saw what I wanted:

LITE SUPREME – Thin Crust & Homemade Sauce Crowned With Onions, Green Peppers, Hot Peppers, Green Olives, Black Olives, Pineapple, Fresh Mushrooms, Zucchini Slices, Shredded Carrots & Tomatoes, Lightly Sprinkled With Grated Romano Cheese

I ordered the littlest one. And I was pleased with myself.

And then the pizza came.

And with the first bite, I made a huge realization. It was EXACTLY what I wanted. I didn’t feel like I was being cheated or like I was having to miss out on anything. I wanted the thin crust, lots of veggies, and minimal cheese. Exactly what I wanted.

Seriously. Who am I becoming?

Satisfaction and no guilt. What a great way to spend a Saturday lunch.

but a hot shower and the couch is so delightful!

I wanted to run last night, but it was rainy. So I spent the two hours of the Biggest Loser Finale at the gym. Where I busted it. And I was proud.

Tonight? I was determined to run. Despite the wind warnings. Despite the cold. We were running. We bundled up. Got all excited and took off.

What the eff was I thinking?

The first mile was awesome. We were back in a neighborhood. Lots of Christmas lights to distract me. But the run home? Brutal. I’ve never cried on a run before. Oh, I was crying. But I wasn’t stopping and I wasn’t telling Nathan.

I was channeling Tom Hanks from A League of Their Own and telling myself, “There’s no crying in running!” But it wasn’t working. My legs were lead. My face felt like it was going to freeze off. No joke. The wind? I could hear Nate’s pants flapping in the wind. And it felt like we were always running against it. I was miserable. And I was crying.

And Nathan was just cool. Just laid back. No complaining. And now we’re home and comfy.

So I’m not focusing on how miserable I was – or how we didn’t even run 2 whole miles. I’m focusing on the fact that I’m hard core! Windchill of 23*. In the dark! In a wind advisory! THAT makes me a runner.

I’m sorry I let you down, Mr. Hanks. It’ll be better next time.

Several times a day, I take the trek from my office to the ice machine.

On my first trip today, I had a revelation.

I feel different.

Physically.

It’s easier for me to move.

I never thought my daily movements – walking, sitting, reaching – were difficult. But today I realized that they are easier. I mean, I’ve noticed that I cross my legs out of habit now. I have an easier time tying my shoes.

But I feel different in my space, in the space I take up. And I think I’m starting to feel that I’m taking up less space.

Feeling the difference is not the same as seeing the difference. It’s something I never expected.

I’m really having a hard time putting this into words, but I want to remember today.

Maybe I’ll get more clarity. Or maybe I’ll just embrace the vagueness. Either way, I’m celebrating!

Okay, so I’ve blown your socks off before. But this is good like nothing else. AND it makes a TON of food. Let’s just get started.

Pork and Apple Crockpot Curry

I started with a pork loin (about 2 pounds) cut into chunks that would fit into my crock pot. I turned it on high and covered between each step.

I chopped up an onion and these 2 red peppers. They were cheaper than bell peppers. And they were nice and sweet.

Heated olive oil (I don’t see anything today…you?)

Cooked onions and peppers until soft

Added them to the crockpot and covered it again.

I bought fresh steam bags of butternut squash and sweet potatoes (a bag of each). I cut them into smaller pieces and added to the pot.

Then I chopped up and softened 2 apples.

And added to the crock pot. Again, covering.

Then it was time to work on my favorite part: the sauce. 2 tablespoons curry paste.

And because it sounded fun, I added this much chili paste

2 tablespoons curry powder

2 teaspoons tumeric

2 teaspoons cumin

2 teaspoons smoked paprika (my FAVORITE spice)

2 teaspoons chili powder

a good dose of salt

2 teaspoons sugar

2 teaspoons minced garlic.

Then, into a bigger bowl with a lip, I combined 2 small cans of tomato sauce and 1 big can (partially drained) diced tomatoes.

I added the paste mixture to the tomato mixture

And added to the crock pot.

I added about a cup and a half of golden raisins. These cannot be skipped. Yummm.

It was a very snug fit.

I let it cook for about 4 hours on high.

Then I pulled the pork out and shredded it. Returning it to the crock pot.

Then I made rice.

And the curry looks like this. The crock pot is a disaster. But SO worth it.

Tah dah!

In case you are wondering, the pot made almost exactly 15 cups of curry. At 212 calories per cup. Yup, you read that right. That doesn’t count the rice, but you can’t beat that with a stick.

I’m sure it would be great with chicken, or even meatless with lentils thrown in.

I’m really looking forward to leftovers for lunch!