I’ve had to face an uncomfortable fact today.
I don’t know if Nathan and I can run this half-marathon together.
He is willing to run at my pace, but when I run with him my pace isn’t MY pace. Does that make any sense? I guess I don’t know what my pace is. When I have to think about it, I just don’t know what my pace is. It just comes naturally when I’m alone.
We ran together today. I thought I could run a short 2-mile run at his pace. 1 mile into his pace and I thought I was going to die. I haven’t been that out of breath for months. I thought that maybe it was good for me – that pushing myself would help me be a better runner. 1.25 miles into our run, on a long flat stretch, I bailed. I just couldn’t do it. We were running an 11-minute mile. My fastest mile before that was 11:30. I tend to hover around 12:15 when I’m alone.
But I’m not experienced enough to know what that feels like. I just fall into it. When I’m alone.
So I bailed. Stood on the sidewalk for a while, watching Nathan run away (at my absolute insistence). Then I ran back home. Finished the 2-mile plan. At a 12:00 pace. And I felt like I had pushed myself.
I don’t know what to do. He wants to run the half with me. To show support. To be with me. So I won’t be alone. And I want him to run with me. I just don’t know if we can.
But I don’t know if I can run it with him. I don’t know if I will be able to know my pace. And I don’t know if he can run it with me – if he would be able to hold back to my pace. If that would be frustrating for him.
I want to run with him. I want to be able to run with him. But I don’t know if I can. Not yet.
I sure do love him, though.
commenting here for the first time….
first: congrats on taking up running! i did the same about a year ago, and 55 lbs and 10 races of varying lengths later, i’m totally addicted. i just registered for my first half in boston in may, so i know where you’re coming from on lots of fronts! what an exciting time.
i’ve often admired your resolve and thought back to when my pace was much slower than it is now. i’ve gone from 14 minute miles to 9 minute miles, race pace. my advice to you on the issue of running with your husband is 2-fold: 1) be ok with the fact that it might not be the best thing for you. what’s most important in this situation is for you to finish this race feeling as confident and secure as you can. if you feel guilty because he might be holding back or worried because you’re trying to keep a faster pace for him and you feel like you might, like, die, your mental stamina will suffer. (not to mention your physical stamina!) 13.1 miles is a long way to feel anxious and doubtful. when you get past a 10k it becomes so much more a mental game, i think. and the same thing happens to me when i get overwhelmed – i just STOP. if running 12 min. miles will get you over the finish line happy and safe, own it. 2) it’s a lot to ask of yourself to haul a#$ for a whole two miles. i’m not surprised it felt challenging for you. have you tried fartlek (hah!) training? i found it to be really helpful when i was working on my pacing. and nothing fancy or strategically timed – just bursts of speed every so often. like from here to that lamp post, etc. you might already be doing this, but if not it works.
your posts about running are so inspiring! it’s the best sport in the whole world. good luck!
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I experience the exact same thing when I run with my husband. I subconsciously speed up because I know he’s holding back, so I end up totally whipped halfway through. You might try an iPhone app called iTreadmill. It has a pacer in it–you tell it how fast you want to go, and it makes a sound like a metronome you can time your steps with. The lite version is free…
I, too, have this issue when I run with my husband. Except for us, I have more endurance than him. We’ve tried running together, but even though we WANT to it just doesn’t work out. His legs are much longer than mine. We try to accommodate the other and then we end up being frustrated.
So we don’t run together. Sometimes we go out at the same time, and take different routes. I go my way at my pace (and run further) and he goes his way at his pace, and doesn’t go as far. Then we meet back at home when we’re done with our respective runs. It’s not the same as running together, I’ll admit it, but we do so much together that it’s ok!
Just him being there and running ‘with’ you is support. Just because you’re not next to each other doesn’t mean you’re not running it together! Good luck :)
Ugh! I hear you! My boyfriend runs at 6.5 on the treadmill and I can’t even *think* about running that fast. I hover around 10’50″ usually and if I ran a half marathon with him, I would be miserable.
Basically, almost no one runs races together…so even if you don’t run together, it’s not like it’ll be the end of the world.
I’d hate for something that you are really working for to be a stressor for you. I want you to enjoy the half marathon as much as you can – maybe you all can run together next year?
Is this post’s title from The Roof Is Leaking? Love, love love that song.
It is frustrating to run with someone with a different pace. The only one I’ve found to stay right with me is my dog. And I’m sure she’s not running as fast as she can, but she never seems annoyed at going my pace! (Tho, her tail wags a bit when I sprint. Hmmmm.)
You are the coolest person ever. I didn’t expect anyone to get my Phil Collins reference! When I put a sticker on my run calendar tonight, friend, it will be for you!
Sent from my iPhone
I love love love your blog! I read it almost every day and you are an inspiration for me to make healthy food choices and keep on running.
I’ve been a fat runner for about 2 1/2 years. Last year I completed 2 half marathons and 1 full marathon with my boyfriend. He’s tall, skinny, muscular, athletic, legs that go on forever, and a 6-time marathon veteran. He taught me how to run and he coaches me, paces me, and supports me.
The benefit, as well as problem, with this is that I often push myself because I feel guilty that he slows down for me. Sometimes I need the extra motivation from him in order to finish or have a personal best time. But at mile 11 of the half-marathons, when I was already giving 110%, his “words of encouragement” triggered a series of meltdowns. It could have been “take a long, slow deep breath” or “we’re almost there” or “let’s pass these people”. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I wanted to kill him.
We had a long discussion prior to the full marathon, and I made it clear that it was MY RACE and I set the pace and the rules. He chose to do this with me – I didn’t ask him to. There were times when I needed him to encourage me, and other times when I needed him to just shut up.
It sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive husband. My suggestion would be to just talk about your expectations and boundaries during the race. Best of luck to you both – you will do awesome!
i have had this same problem many times with many co-runners in my life, and i ended up deciding that i just could not run a *race* with anybody else. all my races have gone really well since then — i pace myself by strangers, NOT by anyone i know, and i get times that consistently surprise myself! i am running my first half marathon in a couple months, and even though i know a few other people running it, i have told them i have to start in a completely different place from them, and hopefully i will see them at the finish line with the orange slices… but otherwise i must pretend they do not exist for my own sanity and oxygen intake.
since your man sounds awesome, i bet he would be very graceful about this too. good luck!