Snow snow snow!

I went to work this morning. I got about halfway there and the roads were nuts. I turned around and came back home.

Front door to the right:

And front door to the left.

I love the way you can barely tell where the ground stops and the sky stops. The snow was just crazy!

Later the sun came out to play with the snow and I walked around a took a few pictures.

Here’s hoping you are safe and sound!

Enjoy Fat Tuesday!

All this talk about Lent.

Last year, I gave up caffeine. It was terrible. I don’t think Jesus wants me to do that ever again. I spent two days in total shock. I get the occassional migraine, but I’d never had pain like the caffeine detox in my life. Just horrible, horrible, horrible.

I wanted to do something just as substantial for Lent this year. I’ve been reading and thinking and praying, and I’ve had a hard time. I’ve thought about not blogging, about not counting calories, about giving up television. A lot of things that I was afraid would just feel like punishment a few days in and were really just not realistic for me. But I’ve sat with this a log and I’ve got a few things. This is gonna be hard, people.

1. I’m following Fat Bridesmaid’s No Spending Lent Challenge. Basically, gas + groceries + recurring bills. That’s it. No pleasure spending. No spending that isn’t necessity. No gifts. No eating out. No books, magazines, Starbucks, new running socks. Nothing. A few times this will be especially difficult?

• I run a half marathon during Lent. I’m gonna want to buy new gear for the race. But I don’t need any new gear. I’ve got it. (Although I would LOVE to have a GoWear Fit like FB and Lorrie. I drool just looking at the charts and graphs! Swoon.)
• I’m gonna welcome my niece into the world during Lent. We’ll be inclined to buy her lots of things that her newly born self won’t remember. And we’ve really bought her plenty already.
• I’m taking a (still local) transfer with work that will occur either towards the end of Lent or right after. I would usually buy new clothes and office supplies (squee!). Again, things I don’t need at all.
• There’s a possibility that we’ll leave Easter night to go on a vacation (depending on when this work transfer happens). A lot of my clothes are on the cusp of being too big as I type. If I lose more weight, what will I wear on vacation? Dresses, Krissie. You have dresses. They will be fine.

2. We are giving up meat. I’ve read several blogs today that I haven’t read before of ladies who went vegetarian. I’m not saying it’s a lifestyle I’ll ever commit to (because, dude, I LOVE me some pork chops), but it’s one I’m interested in trying out. Nathan is in agreement and up for the challenge. We’ve done it for a week at a time before. So it’s decided. Meat free – no beef, chicken, fish, pork, any meat. Eggs and dairy are okay. Again, not a lifestyle change, just a Lent commitment. It will be easier combined with the no eating out. commitment, but it won’t be easy. When will this be hard?

• Sometimes it’s easier and quicker to fix a chicken breast and a veggie. It’s gonna require more planning and commitment.
• I don’t have a lot of vegetarian recipes. I’m really gonna have to do some research and broaden our horizons. I’m excited about the possibilities, but it’s gonna take a lot of work. But I LOVE flipping through cookbooks and magazines and Tasty Kitchen. I have so many resources.
• We will be out of town a few of those weekends – baby showers, meals at our parents’ homes. And I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a meatless meal at either of their homes. It’s going to take some conversations with our families to keep this commitment.
• Did I mention that I like pork?

3. I have a tendency to be self-involved. I mean, we blog? Isn’t that part of who we are? I’m going to make a conscious effort to pay more attention to the world and the beauty around me. I’ll post a daily picture of something that made me smile. The picture will not be food. But expect to see a lot of Nathan. And probably at least one shot of my nice warm purple socks. Because they are amazing. I can’t imagine this will be particularly difficult. I’m just trying to shift my focus.

Alright, people. It’s your turn. What’s it gonna be? What is Lent for you this year?

So I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t having a good day. Wasn’t sure I really want to talk about it. Not sure still that I do. But I’m going to.

I don’t talk about it a lot, but Nathan and I don’t have any children. And it’s not by choice. We came to – and still stand by – the decision that it isn’t about us and what we want. It’s about what God gives us. We haven’t done anything to prevent babies for years, but we’re also don’t feel led to go to any measures outside of the baby dance to make one. We try really hard to be happy, content people in all areas of our lives. I never want to be the person who schedules and plans and makes our time together anything but an expression of love. I don’t want to add that stress to our relationship. I love him. I want him to always know that. I don’t want that kid of stress on our marriage or on him.

Most of the time, I’m okay. I even had to stop and ask Nathan the other day if it was still okay with him if we happened to get pregnant. It’s been that long since we’ve even talked about it. And we’re on the same page. If it happens, we will be thrilled and blessed. But if it doesn’t? We have are an incredible little family just the way we are.

But today? I went baby shower shopping with my mom and grandmother for my sister-in-law’s baby shower next weekend. And watching Mom oohh and aahh over swings and beds and whirlpool tubs? It was almost more than I could handle. I want a little Nathan that will go and stay at my mom’s. I want to see Nathan be a dad. I want the cuddles and the late nights and the coos and the little one to read to.

And you know what I’m worried about? I’m worried that I won’t be a good aunt. I’m afraid I’ll be jealous. Or it’ll hurt too much Or that I just won’t be able to be happy for them. But realistically? I had my breakdown the night I learned they were pregnant. And tonight. That’s been it. In 7 months. Only twice. So I’m sure I’ll be fine.

I know I’ll be okay. In the morning, at the latest. But right now? I just want to lay in the floor with my head on Nate’s lap. I’m gonna go do that now.

I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but I’m not having a great day.

But you know what is great? On the couch in pajama pants.

Valentine’s Day pajama pants.

And his? I bought them for him our first Valentine’s Day together. In 2000.

He’s my little hero. The best part?

He’s mine.

It’s official.

Registration has been paid. The deed is done.

You know what’s really exciting to me that I just realized? Part of the course is the same as my first 5K. I love that. 4 months after my first 5K. There I’ll be.

Dude, that’s scary.

But we’ll be there. Maybe not running physically together, but at the same time. On the same course. And that’s enough for us.

Check out the Facebook page. The course is going to be beautiful. (Pictures from the facebook page.)

Alright, boys and girls. It’s on.

I came home today and saw this on the kitchen counter:

It’s a magazine from Asheville. It’s a street we’ve walked down a thousand times. And the couple? Nate thinks they look familiar.

(Pardon the scanned picture…I couldn’t find it anywhere on line).

I mean, seriously? The guy? Nathan’s hair. Clothing he would definitely wear. And that calf definition? Totally my Nathan.

The girl? I’ve had that hair cut before. The color is right. That could be me. A thinner me. A me with a waist.

Nathan said he had to do a double-take and make sure he didn’t have those shorts. To convince himself it wasn’t us.

So never mind that we haven’t been to Asheville when I was anywhere near that thin. And I don’t see myself as anything like that.

But he does.

He always has.

I love that man.

Oh, boys and girls. I have big plans for Lent.

I’m still working on it.

Still trying to decide exactly how big of commitments I’m able to make.

All I know? Not giving up caffeine. That was brutal.

It’s been a rough day. Not really motivated. And I don’t understand why.

I had a great performance evaluation at work today. I came home and made awesome chicken salad.

But then? I’ve been laying on the couch and watching tv. No exercise. The kitchen is still a wreck. I’m in my long gown and my fleece pants under my fleece blanket. I just can’t get warm. Honestly, I’ve been cold for at least 4 days – since my long run on Saturday, I think.. No, I’m not sick. I’m just cold.

Maybe because it’s snowing again. And it’s windy. And I just want to be cozy.

Running? Outside? Not cozy.

So I’ve tried to do the least food damage possible- tried not to snack. Tried not to beat myself up about it. Tried to give my body the rest it’s demanding. Tried to respect the pause. And then I’ll hit unpause again in the morning.

Remember when I was debating over my Valentine’s Day present?

It came in the mail today. And Nathan let me have it early. I didn’t even have to give him my sad eyes!

Say hello to my new temporary wedding band!

The inside is engraved with “you want to give me wedding rings”

I couldn’t be more thrilled with how it worked out. It seemed to be the favorite or all you guys, and it was Nathan’s favorite as well. It is just beautiful. And it’s not all nice and smooth and fancy. I adore it.

I bought it from this etsy shop. Give it some thought with your next gift!

Speaking of etsy, check out Lorrie’s shop. I bought some amazing earrings from her too! I’m wearing them right now! Rumor has it that Fat Bridesmaid has bought from her too. Check out etsy, people. All the cool kids are doing it! (Not that I flatter myself thinking that I’m a cool kid or anything…)

Oh, and just when I go on etsy.com? I see this dress staring at me on the front page. One day I’ll pull this off. Not sure where I’ll wear it, but it needs to be mine. In the future. Good grief, little dress. You are beautiful.

And, for the record? This totally makes me drool.

Sigh.

And, for my yet-to-be-born niece? (STOP READING IF YOUR NAME IS LEAH AND YOU ARE HAVING A BABY NAMED ELLA AND YOU ARE MY SISTER-IN-LAW!!)

Oh, a variety of these.

Because, really? Have you ever seen anything cuter in your whole entire life?

Good night, all. Happy etsy browsing!

I’ve had to face an uncomfortable fact today.

I don’t know if Nathan and I can run this half-marathon together.

He is willing to run at my pace, but when I run with him my pace isn’t MY pace. Does that make any sense? I guess I don’t know what my pace is. When I have to think about it, I just don’t know what my pace is. It just comes naturally when I’m alone.

We ran together today. I thought I could run a short 2-mile run at his pace. 1 mile into his pace and I thought I was going to die. I haven’t been that out of breath for months. I thought that maybe it was good for me – that pushing myself would help me be a better runner. 1.25 miles into our run, on a long flat stretch, I bailed. I just couldn’t do it. We were running an 11-minute mile. My fastest mile before that was 11:30. I tend to hover around 12:15 when I’m alone.

But I’m not experienced enough to know what that feels like. I just fall into it. When I’m alone.

So I bailed. Stood on the sidewalk for a while, watching Nathan run away (at my absolute insistence). Then I ran back home. Finished the 2-mile plan. At a 12:00 pace. And I felt like I had pushed myself.

I don’t know what to do. He wants to run the half with me. To show support. To be with me. So I won’t be alone. And I want him to run with me. I just don’t know if we can.

But I don’t know if I can run it with him. I don’t know if I will be able to know my pace. And I don’t know if he can run it with me – if he would be able to hold back to my pace. If that would be frustrating for him.

I want to run with him. I want to be able to run with him. But I don’t know if I can. Not yet.

I sure do love him, though.