But I tend to take forever with nonfiction. I want to take notes absorb and remember and apply what I’m learning to my life and my choices.

And that’s my process with The End of Overeating by David Kessler. I’ve mentioned it before and I am still working on it.

I love it. And I’ve learned that I am an incredible nerd. The first section talks about experiments and rat behavior. I loved reading about reinforcement schedules and sensitization and rewards and flooding and all things psychologically nerdy.

Sigh.

Okay, Krissie, focus.

So many things that make me think. Like this sentence on page 52

We may no longer like the food (but often we do). But it’s the wanting, not the liking, that drives us to do the work necessary to obtain the food.

I do this sometimes.

I used to love these.

I had one every day for, what, 3 years? I took a ton of pictures with them in it when I was doing my photo food journal. Sometimes I had 2 of these. My dad always used to bring them as the fee for a night’s stay at my house. I can’t even begin to estimate how many of them I’ve drank.

Why did I stop? I only drank them out of habit. I didn’t really love them anymore. I just felt like I was done.

In the last 6 months or so, I have maybe 5 in a month. When we’re away from home and I am in a convenient store in the early part of the day. When I’m stressed and tired and I’m in the line at Walmart that has the cold ones right there. When I feel not best, I still gravitate toward these.

And the last time I got one, I realized I wasn’t sure I still liked it. It was too sweet. And not as smooth as I remembered.

But I still drank the stupid thing.

Because of a habit. Because I wanted one. Because having one – in a glass with 4 ice cubes – makes me feel better. Even if I don’t necessarily like it.

I’ll think about “like” next time. I promise.

What about you? Do you really like your comfort food or drink?

So I’ve learned how the food I buy out is manipulated to taste a certain way and engineered to increase the salt, sugar, and fat. This manipulation is intended to make me want more and return back to the establishment. But I’m on to them now…

Today I’m reading about our emotional attachments to food – how the events we associate with certain foods can serve as reinforcements and eating the food can create the emotion we associate with the event.

This really hit home for me. We all know that comfort foods are called “comfort foods” for a reason.

A few of mine?

My Mom’s lasagna. Nothing says cuddling up on Mom’s couch with the whole family like her lasagna. I tend to associate that feeling of home with lasagna and spaghetti. So when I’m really unhappy, my first thought is Carino’s for a big plate of lasagna. I never really thought about why.

Those freaking bottled Starbucks drinks. I started drinking them before we moved – when I actually liked my old job. I would stop at Mr. Kwik every morning and buy a bottle of Starbucks and a cup of ice. Every morning. I would chat with the cashier, take my drink to the car, go into work, open the bottle, pour it over the ice and drink it with my banana while checking my work email. To this day, if I have a bottled drink, I have to have a cup of ice with it. And, often, I have it drank before I even think about it. But there are times when it is almost possible to resist them in convenient stores or when Wal-Mart has refrigerated singles in the front.

And then there’s the actual in-house Starbucks experience. I love stopping at Starbucks. Starbucks in the morning makes me feel like I’m on vacation. For years, the only access we had to Starbucks were the ones we came across when we were on vacation. There’s a certain exit right outside of Knoxville that has a Starbucks. There’s one that is out of the way in Williamsburg, VA that we would make a stop at. From early experiences Starbucks = vacation. And I’ve held on to that. I feel like the day is special when I stop at Starbucks. Especially when it’s a little humid.

Hopefully recognizing these things will help me change my behaviors, right?

So what foods/restaurants are emotional for you?

A little backstory:

We had just gotten married. We had a cell phone and a home phone. We used the cell phone for all our long-distance. So I get a call one afternoon from our phone company, telling me how they could save me money.

“Ms. Carr,” she said (that was the name the phone was still in), “our records show that you spend an average of $25 a month on long distance. With this new plan of 19.99 a month, we can give you unlimited long distance and save you money.”

I politely asked her to hold and I dug out my stash of bills. “Ma’am,” I said, “I have my bills for the last 6 months. Last month I spent $6 on long distance, $7 the previous month, $9 the month before that. My prior 3 months don’t even add up to what you are saying I spend a month. I would like to cancel my long distance service.”

She became flustered and explained again this new plan and how it was a good deal and how it could save me money.

“Ma’am,” I interrupted, “I would like to cancel my long distance. I cannot justify paying a company for a service when they cannot do an average. That is like, what, 4th grade math? I cannot continue to fund a company that does not understand elementary math. I would like to cancel my long distance.”

She continued to explain why I needed long distance, and I asked to speak to a supervisor.

By the time I hung up the phone, I had not only cancelled my long distance but our phone service all together. Because someone was trying to manipulate me – to take advantage of my lack of knowledge. And I let them know that I knew better.

I had a similar experience with Starbucks this morning.

I was reading The End of Overeating last night. Early in the book, Dr. Kessler writes about an experience he had with a high-level food executive. They dissected different items from restaurants we know – specifically the Cheesecake Factory – and how the foods are manipulated to make them more gluttonous. The foods are processed in the warehouses and in the restaurants to increase the pleasure they create. They start with fat, sugar, and salt and find as many ways to cram more fat, sugar, and salt into the foods. Resulting in a food product that is highly pleasing in taste, texture, and visual appeal. And that keeps us coming back for more.

I pull into Starbucks today and get my venti iced decaf latte. And I am suckered into the Cranberry Orange Scone. (Sorry I didn’t take this picture. I didn’t know I was going to have an epiphany.)

I took the first bite, and I remembered what I had read and tried to identify how this was built for me. Starting with the dough – the butter (fat) in the dough is what makes the fluffy air pockets. And then there is sugar in the dough too, I’m sure. And then there are the cranberries. I’ve never made anything with cranberries that sweet. I usually find cranberries to be tart. So I’m sure these cranberries have been soaked in/injected with/spun around with a ton of extra sugar. And then? The topping. The lovely, gooey, sweet, lemony glaze. Again, sugar and fat, I’m sure. And there has to be salt in there too somewhere.

So sugar on fat on sugar on sugar.

Knowing that someone sat in some boardroom or lab and actually thought about how to manipulate my food makes me angry. ANGRY. (Almost stealing my blog angry.)

I always knew I was being manipulated. Ever since reading Fast Food Nation and Fatland, I have tried to be very aware of how advertising tries to sway where I put my money. And even though I LOVE the Nannerpuss commercial, I have to google it to see what restaurant it is actually advertising.

But that my actual food is being manipulated in an effort to manipulate me? Oh no, big boy. You can keep your phone service cranberry orange scone (Starbucks) and your Oriental Chicken Salad (Cheesecake Factory) and your veggie pizza with the butter dipping sauce (Papa Johns) AND your Starbucks drink in a bottle.

I’m sticking to food that doesn’t try to play me: farmers market veggies. Lattes Nathan makes for me. Spaghetti sauce made from scratch. Home-grown. Home-cooked. Nice food. Food that wasn’t created to manipulate me.

Because now I am educated. I have to act like that. I can’t justify eating crap anymore.

And I’m not going try.