I did what?!?

Posted on March 19, 2012 by krissie

See that little number? Down there in the right hand corner?

Yup. That’s a 20. As in twenty. Miles. I did that. (That’s 32.2K for my Canadian friends.)

It was a very interesting run. I couldn’t have done it alone. I’m so glad I have such good running buddies.

I was very nervous about the run. First, I would be running without my usual running buddy, Erin. She had a cranky knee and our schedules were different (due to the Niece’s birthday party next weekend). It was my first 20 miler, and I would be without Erin. I’ve also had some knee weirdness, but I think it is all in my head. We usually run on Saturdays, but this run was on a Sunday. It was a new route. Just a lot of things were different. So I was nervous.

I mapped out a 10 mile route. 2 friends were coming out to run with us – one at my speed (Jen) and one at Nate’s (Kelly). We met some other runners doing other things, and we took off in the dark at 7am. There’s something that just feels badass about having to use lights.

I took off with Jen and we chatted easily. I really like running with her. But since she was running 10 and didn’t have the same fuel schedule as me, I missed my usual Gu point. I usually Gu at 4 miles, but I didn’t even think about it until 6. The route was much flatter than our usual routes, so I wasn’t breathing hard as often so my mouth wasn’t dry, so I didn’t drink enough either. I finished the first 10 feeling awesome. My pace was solid. Nothing was achey. It felt good.

between laps. the only time I've seen the inside of a Starbucks since Fat Tuesday.

We met back up at the start point for lap 2. And Nathan and I decided to run together. I knew I was going a little fast (I was running my typical pace instead of my long run pace), but it felt okay. Miles 10-15 felt really good. We walked a few more times than I would have liked, but I can’t drink Gatorade out of a normal bottle while I run. It just isn’t pretty. Again, I was a little quick, but I kept my usual Gu schedule of every 4 miles, but starting with 6 instead of 4. I drank a whole bottle of Gatorade between 10 and 15.

At 16, I totally crashed. We were back out at my favorite part of the route (crossing a flat bridge across a nice lake), and I just fell apart. I wanted to quit. I may have cried a little. I was just done. I was tired. I was cranky. I wanted to stop running. It was u.g.l.y. 16 and 17 were tough.

At 18, our sweet friend Kelly (the one who pushed me to get my 1/2 PR last fall the day after I met her) joined up with us. She and Nathan were an awesome tag team. He took off to finish his last 2 strong, and she hung with me to get me through the last 2. We ran some of 18 and a smidge of 19, but walked most of the last mile. I hit stop on the Garmin when we hit 20. We still had a little while to go, but I was just done. We were at the corner waiting to cross the street back to the car and I thought I was going to have to sit down. I was okay while I was moving, but my legs were having trouble supporting me at standing. It was a little scary, but I knew I’d be sitting very soon.

I came home, drank lots of chocolate milk, complained a little about not being able to have Qdoba (no spend Lent), and iced once. I was tired, but had no pain. I was no worse for the wear. We were in bed by 9pm though.

four feet. 40 combined miles.

Today, I’m really tight in my thighs. I took elevators DOWN one flight today. But I don’t feel like I ran twenty miles yesterday.

Here’s what I learned:

Training on hills is good. It makes flat-ish routes feel awesome and manageable.
My fuel schedule was good. I shouldn’t mess with it.
Take help and company when it comes to me. Without pride that I can’t walk. Without worrying what they are thinking of me. Kelly said, “These miles are yours. We’ll do whatever you need.” I knew she meant it. And I stopped being embarrassed. I stopped being self-conscious. I recognized her actions from her point instead of mine, and it changed how I viewed the help.

It is kinda weird to think that I’ll do this distance again only once more before the marathon, and then I’ll tack on another 6.2 at the race. I may have 47 days to go, but I’ve done my maximum training distance already. I’ve got this. I’ve learned what not to do. I can practice one more time.

In 47 days, I’ll be a marathoner. That’s kinda crazy.

Lent update – somewhere in the middle

Posted on March 13, 2012 by krissie

Things are getting real, my friends.

First, I must admit that my letter-a-day thing crashed and burned. One thing I should have learned from Lents past is that I’m not good at adding things to my life. I’m just not. I’m busy. I’m tired. Running has me sleeping so much. This goal just wasn’t good for me. I mailed 2 letters (yes, 2). I wrote 5 or 6 more that I stuck somewhere while needing stamps. So that one gets a big fat F.

The No-Spend Lent has gotten really hard. For several reasons.

1) Groupon/Living Social/email coupons. I see things that I want. That are a “good deal.” And I want to buy them. Dance classes? Yes, please! 75% off airfare to Philadelphia? Why not?! I want to unsubscribe, but what if I miss something that I can’t live without? I’ve stared deleting them when I see the sender without reading the email. I’m hoping to unsubscribe before Lent is over, but we’ll see.

2) Tax refund. We were the recipients of a very nice tax refund this year. If we weren’t doing No-Spend Lent, we would probably have a new bed. Or a new computer. I definitely would have bought a new purse. But nope. State went to savings. Federal will go to the credit card. Nothing fun. Nothing fun at all. I don’t like being an adult right now.

3) I didn’t realize what eating out meant to me aside from the food. Yes, I love Starbucks and I love Qdoba. I thought I just loved how they taste and maybe the experience of interacting with my friends who work there. But in reality? I love the ease of it. I don’t have to think about what to buy at the grocery store. I don’t have to cut onions or dirty dishes or find a whisk. I just park, go in, get my food, eat it, and discard any trace of it. And I miss that. I miss being able to eat a few times a week without planning, without having to think about it. I miss that a lot.

4) At this very minute, I am hungry. Really hungry. I didn’t plan my snacks well. I ate my typical after-lunch snack before lunch. And my lunch (which should have been satisfying) actually made me hungrier. I have money in my purse. I could easily walk down a flight of stairs and buy peanut m&ms. Or animal crackers. Or trail mix. But, thanks to the encouragement of my twitter friends, I’m still sitting in my chair. Being cranky. And hungry.

I know we did this two years ago, but I reallly don’t remember it being this hard. Maybe because we were going to Asheville immediately after so it felt like we were just saving for that trip, but this time there is no endgame. Or maybe it sucked so bad that I’m just blocking it from my memory.

How are you doing with your Lent promises?

Instagram

Posted on March 12, 2012 by krissie

Friends. I have an obsession. With Instagram.

I can’t believe the quality of the pictures my phone can take. And I go back and forth with how I use this app. When I have a lot of time, I’ll take a picture in the app. And sometimes take multiple pictures. But when I only have time to take one picture, I’ll take it in the regular camera mode and then upload into Instagram and play around with it later.

Here are some of my favorites from the last month.

valentine's day wine.

lobster crepes

new sunglasses on a cold day

we have Punch Brothers tickets!

morning snow that was gone by evening

drinking from Kelly's favorite water glass

nap socks

Do you Instagram? Do you have favorites? I’d love to see them!

18 miles – and a few days leading up to it

Posted on March 11, 2012 by krissie

Marathon training is ramping up. The Flying Pig is in 55 days! At this point, I’m feeling really good. Really good. I’m not nervous. I know we can do this.

Last week, a local runner (who is a trainer, olympic trial qualifier, very fast guy, kinda big deal) answered my training buddy’s question about fueling. His suggestion to not being hungry during long runs? Add calories to our pre-run days and add gatorade during runs. A week ago, I would have straight-out rejected this. I want to lose weight, darn it! I’m not going to load up and blow my calories today for a run tomorrow! Who knows if it will even work anyway. Besides, Gatorade is yucky. I don’t drink empty calories! Who do you think I am?!?

But with my eyes taken off of weight loss and my focus put onto being the strongest marathoner I could be, I took his advice.

Thursday, Erin and I experimented with Gatorade. Just to make sure our stomachs could handle it on the run. It was one of the most miserable runs I’ve had in a long time because of the rain. Good grief, yo. The rain was incredibly. It never let up. We were soaked. When compared to a full gallon of milk, I estimate my clothes weighed 6 pounds. The good news? My body didn’t reject the Gatorade. Lesson learned.

I made a point Friday to not worry about calories. I wanted to take Kevin’s advice, so I ate. I didn’t eat junk, but I ate more than I would usually ate. I ate a higher calorie breakfast than usual. I went back for a second serving of dinner. I ate a bowl of peanut butter cheerios (glorious!) after dinner. I felt satisfied. I didn’t overeat. I didn’t eat any crap. I didn’t worry about calories at all. I just ate what I thought was healthy for a pre-long run day.

dinner. yum.

Saturday morning came. I ate my usual long run breakfast. I stuffed my pack with Gu. I had gatorade in the car to grab at our halfway point. And off we went.

Friends, it was one of my best runs ever. The weather was beautiful. I felt strong. I felt solid. I never got that stomach-completely-empty feeling. I only hated running once – and it was going up a hill about 3 miles from the end. I hate that Erin was having some knee issues (I would have piggy-backed you, E!), but it also solidified for me that we are totally a team out there. I have no worries that we can make it through this marathon.

I knew fueling was my issue, but until I gave up weight loss, I don’t think I was truly ready to let go of my fear of gaining weight. I don’t think I was able to fuel the way I needed to until I had to radically change my thinking as it related to my goal. I had to make the marathon my #1 goal, no matter what it means to my weight loss.

flour mill around miles 12 and 14

And it was worth it. I’ll definitely accept stalled weight in exchange for running 18 miles (eighteen!) without feeling much physical discontentment at all. But a week ago? I was too stubborn. I had a weight in mind that I wanted to see before the marathon. I was getting more and more frustrated that I wasn’t getting there. And all it took was a change in mindset. It took me telling you all about it. It took me putting my money where my mouth is and actually putting the marathon ahead of my weight loss.

And today I can do that. I am doing that. I’ll accept a constant weight in exchange for feeling strong and confident. I’ll gladly down that gatorade on the back half of my run. And I’ll gladly eat extra calories the next 8 Fridays without guilt. Gladly.

I’ll also gladly watch this guy sleep after a long run. (You know I couldn’t post pictures without one of Nate. Come on.)

is my weight holding me back?

Posted on March 6, 2012 by krissie

I didn’t know when I wrote my last post that it would be Part 1 of 2. But it is. Thanks to Emily’s most recent post. She made me really stop and take inventory of what I have accomplished, what I still want, and what is in my way.

The other day, I talked about my priority. That there are things I’m going to have to let go in order to be the strongest marathoner I can be. But today, I’ve decided to let go of something that maybe I don’t need anymore.

I know I’ve talked before about letting go of the scale. But I keep going back. Because I wanted to accomplish something. But now, I’m really questioning the importance of that. I look back at what I’ve wanted for so long. I go back and read my blog and see where I’ve been. And where I am.
And that is a cause of almost constant frustration. I’m in a holding pattern weight-wise since September. That’s a long time to yo-yo 5 pounds.

But I don’t know why that matters anymore. I look at what goals I’ve had. And I can only think of 2 that I haven’t accomplished.

• Buy jeans in a single-digit size.
• Lose 100 lbs. total and be a “normal” weight.

And I’m starting to wonder – seriously – why that is so important. Why those 30 pounds are such a big deal.

Let’s look at what I already have:

• I am safely out of “obese” territory. I am still overweight, but I’m not obese.
• I feel pretty. I don’t feel like people look at me as “fat” anymore. I know how to dress my body. Unless it is crazy hormone time, I feel as content with my body as I think I ever will.
• I have a group of ladies who run with me every week. I have created real, physical community.
• I eat a very healthy diet 90% of the time. We eat limited meat and minimal processed foods.
• I feel very strong in my marathon training. I am excited about running 18 miles on Saturday.

I think it may be time to let go of my weight-related goals. Because, really, what do they matter? Will losing 30 more pounds change anything? Will it really make my life any better?

I am runner. I am healthy. I am happy. I am not hiding, avoiding, or scared of anything.

I am living.

There are very few things that I hold on to in my life that can steal my happiness. But I give the scale and the weight loss struggle the power to emotionally break me. When I’ve had an awesome week and the scale shows me a one pound gain. Or when I’ve eaten really well that day but, because it was a rest day, I’m still over my calorie allotment. Or when I’ve denied myself something to eat – even though I’m hungry – just so I don’t go over my calorie budget.

The main source of frustration in my life is starting to seem like an unimportant point.

I don’t want to struggle if it isn’t for an important reason. Is it really worth all the analyzing and food restriction and frustration to lose weight that isn’t holding me back from anything?

Yes, friends. I just said that. I can’t identify anything that my weight is holding me back from. I can’t think of anything – except seeing numbers on a scale or in a pair of jeans – that losing more weight even plays a role in. Everything that I wanted to do – and be – in my “after” weight-loss life has been accomplished. Except for a few numbers. And how important are they?

I will still continue to track my calories, though, because I need that. Just like I can’t be responsible with money without keeping an eye on my checking account, I can’t be responsible with food unless I keep track of what I’m eating. I’m upping my caloric goal by a few hundred calories to what I need to maintain my weight. And then I’m not going to worry about it.

I don’t know how long this will last. But I’m going to try really hard to just let it go. To be content. To have perspective. To remember that my weight is not the only factor that determines my health. To remember that I am healthy, I am happy, I am beautiful. And i hope that I will continue to let go of things that aren’t that important and that get in the way of my happiness.

And today, that is my weight-loss efforts.

a little horn tootin’ – and a lesson

Posted on March 1, 2012 by krissie

So you all know I’m training for that little thing called a marathon. I haven’t talked about it a lot here because – honestly – I’ve been busy training and haven’t talked about much here at all.

But I want to tell you about February. I broke 100 miles this month. 111.91 miles ran in February, to be exact. My previous best month? 86.84 in October 2011. So not even close. And I also had my longest run this month too. Saturday, Erin and I ran 16 miles. On a tough, very hilly course.

February has been a big month.

And the coolest thing about February? This is the most secure I’ve felt as a runner. I have very little doubt right now. I’m not nervous before my long runs. I am not being plagued by any physical pain or discomfort. I feel great, physically and emotionally. I am in a good place all around, and I feel like I owe a lot of that to what running gives me.

I have had to realize, though, that training for a marathon makes some things fall by the wayside. The house isn’t ready for people to just drop by anytime. I hate having to do a whirlwind cleaning before we have company, but we don’t have time for a daily cleaning schedule when we’re running almost every day. I am preparing all our meals for the week on Sundays because I don’t have time to cook during the week. I’m cooking big batches of staples, so I’m missing out on variety and creativity. And that’s okay too. Because we are going to be
marathoners. I’m wearing my hair in a ponytail almost every day because sleep is more important than primping. My weight isn’t dropping like I would hope it would because I am always so freaking hungry. But finishing a marathon strong is so much more important than finishing a marathon skinny.

I’m having to learn to let little things go so I can meet my big goal.

The life lessons of the marathon start long before the race does.

(It is okay to roll your eyes at that. I just did too.)

Lent Update

Posted on February 29, 2012 by krissie

Okay, friends. We’re a week into Lent. How is it going?

I have to admit that I am getting so much from other people’s Lent promises. My dear sweet Miranda gave up social media. I was so afraid I’d lose track of her, but the exact opposite has happened. We have a running email chain with my closest girls that has inspired and motivated me. Thanks to Tina’s Positivity Promise, she provided me with hope and calm at a moment I really needed it. It has been wonderful. I love Lent.

My own promises have been challenging. I’m a day behind on my Letter-A-Day campaign, but I have a plan to catch up. No problem.

No-Spend is TOUGH. It is amazing how much I want. Not big things, just little things. Starbucks. Peanut M&Ms from the vending machine. That app for the iPhone that makes running into a fleeing from zombies game. Nothing major. Just stuff. Things that I think will increase my happiness. Things that I think will make a difference. But none of them will change the big picture. I think I’m going to start keeping a list of “wants” and see what I think I would still be benefiting from when Lent is over. I’m not going to have a big spending day after Lent, I’m just curious.

I will buy the 7.99 zombie app on Easter, though. Because I recognize the hilarity in buying a zombie app to celebrate the resurrection.

accountability eats!

Posted on February 22, 2012 by krissie

I know that two days out from my long run are my RunGry days. This week, it was days two AND three. I took a ton of food to work and tried to figure out how to best combat it.

I typically don’t find success in small, frequent meals. But Monday I figured out that RunGry attacks frequently but is easy to bed back down. So Tuesday I tried to separate what I would usually eat together and spaced them out throughout the day. And it worked!

7:30 - Via and a Chocolate Pumpkin Muffin

10(ish) - a banana

Noon - Lentil salad and spinach in a wrap + sweet peppers

throughout the day - 3 dates

3:30 - yogurt!

5:00 - tall coffee frap + whipped cream

6:15 - easy and slower 4 miles in my minimalist shoes

7:45 - Hawaiian lasagna and spinach with mustard viniagrette

By the numbers: 1729 calories in – 539 calories out = 1190 net calories.

Typically, I would have eaten the banana with breakfast. I would have also eaten the yogurt with lunch. My typical appetite shows up less frequently but takes more to be satisfied, but RunGry attacks more often but needs less to turn it off. I’m so glad I figured this out!

Do you struggle with being super hungry after a hard workout?

Fat Tuesday!

Posted on February 21, 2012 by krissie

Happy Fat Tuesday, friends! I thought I’d update you on our Lenten promises.

So we decided not to do the water-only thing. It just wasn’t something we felt called to do after all. We realized that we would be giving up most of that within our existing promises (no Starbucks, no alcohol at the grocery store), so we opted out. I hope you don’t think we’re wusses!

So the final Lenten promises:

* No spend means no money spent on anything but gas, groceries and bills. No exceptions. No blow money. Nothing. I’m excited about this.

* Handwriting a letter a day. I’m very excited about this. I’m wondering how many people I’ll have to ask for addresses. Want mail from me? Shoot me your address at questionsfordessert at gmail dot com and I’ll work you in!

With those goals means I need to do some Fat Tuesday gluttonous behavior. And it is funny how excited I’m getting about going to the mall today! My final shopping binge will look like this:

* GAP! I love Gap. And I want new pajama pants. I have 2 pair, one I bought for my pre-wedding girls’ trip to Chicago in 2003 and another that I bought with a gift card at Christmas 2005-ish. And they are getting pretty see-through. I typically can’t justify $40 for pajama pants, but between a 20% off coupon and a gift card I got with credit card points, I should be able to come out of the store pretty much even.

* Sephora! I am in desperate need of new mascara and I have a $25 gift card from Christmas. So, again, I should come out of there even. Oh, I hope I can get out of there with my debit card still in my purse.

* Sporting goods store. I need to buy some fuel for our upcoming runs (even though these will be worked into our grocery budget because they are necessary). No gift cards here, I’m just buying because I’ll already be at the mall.

* Joseph Beth. I love our local bookstore. And they have beautiful paper products, which I need for my Lenten Letter Project. I have a $25 Christmas gift card to spend there as well, and I’m hoping to not have to dish out much more.

* Somewhere with a prepaid card section. This purchase is my only “cheat” for Lent. I became slightly distraught when I realized that both the Hunger Games movie and soundtrack come out during Lent. I am cheating and buying an iTunes card that will be earmarked for the soundtrack. I decided that I was allowed to cheat with one or the other, and I didn’t feel like committing to a specific movie showing over a month in advance. So I expect to be at the movies right after Easter service.

* Barnes and Noble. Nathan has the job of picking up the new Chieftan’s cd and the Josh Ritter EP today. And the majority of this purchase will also be covered with a gift card.

So that’s my Fat Tuesday. Lots of buying going on, but mostly with Christmas gifts. I am so excited about shopping day that I can’t hardly focus on work.

Are you celebrating Fat Tuesday? Getting one last hit of your Lent vices? I’d love to hear about it!

no more half-assery

Posted on February 17, 2012 by krissie

Nathan and I were hanging out at the bookstore the other night, and I was tired and wanted to sit down. So I picked up the most recent Running Times (not my usual cup of tea) and had a seat.

The very first article – very first!- smacked me in the face. Not because I equated it to running, but because I equated it to weight loss.

My marathon training is going very well. I’m feeling strong and solid and confident. But as the mileage increases, I could be losing weight. Instead I’m using that as a crutch. My eating keeps getting a little more out of focus each week, but it all balances out. I don’t want things to reach equilibrium. I want to be losing weight. I really want there to be less of me to carry for 26.2 miles in 78 days.

And this article (based on Warren Buffett’s wife’s advice, supposedly) showed me what I need to be doing.

Show up. I’m not very consistent anymore. I’m good at tracking my food for 2 or 3 days and then not tracking for 2 or 3 days. I’m trying to recognize and praise myself for the days I do show up (6 out of 7 last week!), but I want my streak back. I want consistency back. And I’ll get that by showing up.

Tell the truth. I would say that I’m 90% honest in my food journal. Why do I feel so skeevy admitting that I lie in my food journal? I mean, it doesn’t hurt anyone but me but it makes me feel so dirty and dishonest. I put food in, but I may fudge the quantity a little. Or “accidentally” put in part-skim ricotta when I know it was full-fat. I am hanging my head in shame here, friends. I know that I lose best when I track best. But with my polarized thinking, I can have a hard time staying motivated if I’m not meeting my goal consistently. If I want results – and if I want to understand what I need to tweak – I have to be honest in my food journal.

Pay attention. Get out only the amount of crackers I intend on eating, don’t go through half the sleeve before it registers. Be mindful. Be aware. Recognize when I’m eating because I’m hungry and when I’m eating because I’m bored. Pay attention to my options and grab what is best not what is easiest. Be mindful. Be attentive.

Do your best. My best, not my half-assed. Not part-way. Not just enough to keep me treading water. My best. My best focus. Spending my best time in the kitchen preparing my best meals. Eating at the best times so I’m the best fueled for my run. Just my best. I know what that is.

Don’t be too attached to the outcome. Just like I wrote for Cassie (I didn’t ever link to this guest post I did for her, did I?), I want to be thankful and praise myself for my efforts, not my results. Even though the results are based on my efforts, it isn’t always directly correlated. I can work hard and not see scale results. I want to be proud of my behaviors as much as the outcome. And I’m not proud of my behaviors right now. Even though I’m just a few pounds up than my lowest ever weight, I’m not proud of my behaviors.

Do you think these tips would work for you? Is there another area of your life you could apply them? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

questions for dessert

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