Category Archives: weigh-in

on the way up, I felt clean

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Wow. I miss one day and I feel like I have so much to say!

I’ll start with the weigh in. I lost a pound! I am so excited! That is my goal, to lose one pound a week. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but that’s 52 pounds in a year. I’ll take that! And that puts me at 5.2 lost so I can get my pedicure this week! That makes me so excited. I’m also going to get my hair cut. Very exciting.

This has been an exhausting weekend. I feel like I need a day to recover. See, Nathan’s brother is getting married next Saturday, and the wedding is close to our house. So we’re having guests (family and the minister) stay with us for the extended weekend. We spent this weekend cleaning. Really cleaning. I’ve been scrubbing floors all day. But that’s not the most exciting transformations.

When we bought our house, we had a lot of work to do. Mostly the floors. We refinished most of the hardwood floors (sanding and stuff), but the back bedroom was just trouble for us. We sanded and nothing happened. After staring at it for months, we decided to paint the floors. I could not be more pleased with the way they turned out. (And, as always, Farley is in the before picture.)

We also have this set of closet doors in our tv room that were boring white. When we painted the nightstands, we had a lot of paint left over. And the paint is almost the exact color of our couches. So we painted the closet doors this weekend too.

Okay, and here I go being honest again. I think that part of the reason I have kept myself so busy is avoidance. I found out last week that my grandfather has cancer. They found it during a check-up and it has taken a week or so to schedule surgery. So on Thursday night, I will head back to Greenup to be home for his surgery on Friday morning. The doctors have told my mom and Mamaw that Papaw is otherwise in pretty good health and that it would be silly to speculate on how much or how advanced the cancer is.

And my boss is giving me crap about taking Friday off. I try to keep my personal life at home, you know, and I really didn’t want to tell him what’s going on. We have enough conflict right now that I don’t need him treating me differently because my grandfather is sick. Oh well. Please keep my Papaw in your prayers.

And I’m worried about how I’m going to pull my part in the wedding this weekend. I had planned on being such a big help…helping decorate, helping cook at the rehearsal dinner, making cheesecake for the rehearsal dinner…and now I’m just hoping that I can make it to the rehearsal dinner. I know that everyone involved understands, but I just don’t want to be a downer on such a special day. I mean, what if the news is really bad with Papaw? Will I just stay at home? Can I handle bad news without Nathan? I mean, it’s his brother’s wedding and he has duties as the best man. My brain is just going a hundred miles a minute. And that’s why I got so much pleasure out of scrubbing floors today…that occupied my mind.

So I’m off to take a bath and call it a night. I’m exhausted from all the work we’ve done. And from thinking.

Food plan for tomorrow:
breakfast – starbucks and banana
lunch – South Beach Sesame chicken wraps
dinner – some meat and vegetable combo on the grill (TBA)

Thanks for listening. Have a great night!

what’s the story, morning glory?

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Yay! Weigh in today was a success! 1.6 pounds down! Go me!

It’s been a long day of visiting with the families, and coughing, and blowing my nose, so it’s time for NyQuil and bed.

Thanks for all the skinny vibes and anti-sick wishes! I’ll have more to say tomorrow!

you were all I could see

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So let me recap the last week: incredible automobile struggles. I had no car for almost a week. Mechanic tried to screw me over. Got a new car. Sigh of relief yesterday.

What does stress lead to? Eating. What does relief lead to? Eating. Thursday night was out of control, mostly healthy stuff, but I felt out of control. Yesterday was small portions of unhealthy stuff for 2 meals, and dinner was 4 (4!!) large pieces of ham and pineapple pizza. And who knows how many York Peppermint Patties. No exercise at all over the course of the week. Zero. I needed to weigh because it was my day. And I am sinking in my heels and not giving up.

Today is the end of my third week. I get on the scale. I was so unconcerned with my weight that I did not look at what my previous weight was. I usually know that number and frantically do the math as soon as the number pops up on the scale. So when the number showed up, I didn’t have any idea what that meant. I had a loss of 1.2. Over a pound! Two weeks of incredibly hard work created a loss of 1.4, and a week of half-assing it led to a 1.2 pound loss. I should feel thankful, but I’m just confused. I couldn’t celebrate ’cause I don’t feel like I earned it, especially in comparison to the previous weeks.

But I’ll take it! I really talked to people at the meeting and feel like I’m starting to make some connections. I know that will help keep me motivated.

Putt Putt will also help keep me motivated. I love mini golf. We decided today that on weeks that I lose, we will play after the meeting. I am so excited. We played the Miracles course at Jesus Golf today. I did pretty good and beat Nate by one stroke. I’m not competitive, but I’m even less athletic. Putt putt is the one sport I do well at, so I celebrate my victory!

We tried to buy a grill today, but we couldn’t fit the assembled one in the car, and the directions to assemble a boxed one looked difficult. So Nate’s going back with the truck after church tomorrow. And then we will have yummy grilled food! Tomorrow is burgers, corn, and salad.

That being said, I need to post my food plan for tomorrow. I don’t know the exact points, but a general idea. And I’ll try to take pictures!

Breakfast:
Starbucks
Banana

Lunch:
Hamburger (with A1, 2% cheese, grilled onions, lettuce, tomato and Bread and Butter pickles on a wheat bun!!)
Ear of corn
Salad (spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, mozzarella cheese, raspberry viniagrette)

Dinner:
Mandarin Salad (lettuce, slice of turkey, mandarin oranges, almonds, chow mein noodles, ginger dressing)

Snacks:
Fiber 1 bar
Apples and peanut butter

so glad our paths crossed this time today

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Today started with a Weight Watchers meeting. I was so hopeful. I had been so stinking honest last week. I had written down every bite I put into my mouth. If I was unsure of points, I added one (sometimes 2) for good measure. I didn’t even use all of my 35 weekly bonus points (I used 21). And I lost an astounding .8 of a pound. Whooptie-freaking-do. I was moderately discouraged. No, I’m going to be honest. I am incredibly discouraged. The meeting discussion was about excuses and things we tell ourselves that allow us to eat. I think it was good to hear, but didn’t apply to me too much today. I have held myself so accountable for 2 weeks to have a massive loss of 1.4. I’m hanging in there.

I am hanging in there. I had a pretty good rest of the day. Nate and I met up with Kent and we went to Stella’s for brunch. They had a buffet for brunch. It was wonderful, locally-grown breakfast foods. And I couldn’t help noticing that I was the only fat person there. That told me that the food mustn’t be too bad for me. I had some cheese grits (more grit than cheese), tomato strata, some sausage and potato hash (very heavy on the veggies) and a little fruit. I left feeling very pleased with the amount I had eaten and the choices I had made. I did not have french toast or biscuits or gravy or bacon or sausage or ham. And I really didn’t want any of those things. I ate just enough. Not too full, but not hungry anymore either. Good times.

Then Nate and I went to Wild Oats. We were after whole wheat linguine and honey. We had a normal honey bear, but we approached one of those free sample tables. The lady was tasting this raw honey. We were suckers. Man, it’s good. I’m excited to try it on our banana honey wraps!

We stopped at Starbucks. I forgot to ask for non-fat milk in my white chocolate latte. Thus I used 8 points instead of 6 (geez, I’m an idiot!). But at least I didn’t go for whipped cream!

Then we came home and got to work on dinner (we’d had a long day!). I fixed Linguine with Asparagus out of this month’s Rachael Ray magazine. It was amazing. (We had salads too…iceberg with a little mozzarella and O’Charley’s reduced fat honey mustard.)

For anyone interested, the recipe is very easy.

Cook 3/4 lb. whole wheat linguine as directed on box. While that is cooking, sautee a chopped onion and 4 chopped garlic cloves in 1/4 cup olive oil. When onions are translucent, add 1/4 cup water, 1 lb asparagus (in 1 inch pieces) and one bag cherry tomatoes. Cover and cook 4 minutes. Drain linguine and toss with asparagus mixture.

Nathan attempted to fix the annoying rub/squeak in our elliptical machine. We thought he was succesful and I got really excited that I’d be able to work out at home tonight. But he reassembled the thing and the noise returned. So it’s still not usable by me. I know we can’t afford a treadmill, but I think I may try to talk Nathan into an exercise bike. We’ll see.

I have spent a lot of times on blogs this evening, looking for inspiration and motivation. Ben’s blog for today hit me hard. He talks about his decision to work through the 12 steps of Overeater’s Anonymous. I know what that’s about – I’ve worked in drug treatment. The program teaches total reliance on God in order to overcome our addictions. Although I do not think I need to work through the steps to ease my weight burdens, I do know that I’m not allowing God to help me. I have stopped praying about my weight. There’s a big part of me that thinks it’s silly to bother God with my weight problems. (I’ll just pray and pray for a baby. That’s what’s really important.) I’ve stopped praying about my food choices, I’ve stopped doing my prayer journal, I’ve stopped listening to sermons. Why? I don’t know.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m deciding to take a good dose of Jesus and expect Him to step in and make me lose weight. That’s not it at all. I’ve taken this all on me…I’ve attempted to control my weight myself. Maybe I’m like some of the kids I work with. Sometimes they are struggling with a task (homework, craft activity, something athletic) and they won’t accept my help. Not only will they not ask, but they won’t accept when I offer. They are so bent on doing it themselves that the don’t even want my help. I think that’s where I am today. Ready to not be so stubborn and ask for help. And actually take it. What will this mean? I don’t know. A few days ago, I said that I was listening, but I don’t think I really was.

So I’m digging out my prayer journal. I’m going to go back to devoting time each morning to really sit and listen. I’m putting new sermons on my iPod, specificially one titled “Leaving Control for Faith”. And I’m working on doing that.

hold me closer, Tony Danza

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I’m back!

The last few days have been great! We had an amazing dinner at Kent’s on Thursday night. Shrimp (bang! bang! sauce!), sweet potatoes, tomatoes, and pineapple on the grill. Yumm. (Pictures to come when I get the pics off the camera.) Friday’s highlight was Nathan killing his library test. Go Nate!

I went to Weight Watchers on Friday. I lost a whopping .6 pounds. Whooptie. I knew I had been watching for a few weeks, so I didn’t expect the typical week 1 loss. Oh well. I am very impressed with my attitude so far, though. I’m not discouraged. I’m just motivated to exercise more this week. I really think that my attitude and encouraging self-talk are helping me stay on track. Nate’s mom fixed Easter dinner last night, and I had one pretty small plate. She was going to cook a big breakfast this morning, but I fixed and split a banana peanut-butter wrap with Ralph’s granddaughter. And, as we speak, I am not eating one of Dad’s homemade waffles. I’m just not hungry. And I don’t feel cheated or angry. Go me!

I found an Easter dress on Thursday. It still came from Lane Bryant. The fat store. But I decided it was more important to buy a dress that fit instead of buying a dress that I was uncomfortable in. I’ll also be able to wear it to Luke’s wedding. It’s a wraparound dress, so it’ll be a little more wearable than the typical dress as I continue to shrink. I’m sure I’ll post Easter pics.

I’ll be spending today in the kitchen. I’m going to make chicken salad for the big Easter dinner tomorrow. It’ll be nice to know exactly how many points are in something. I’m sure I’ll eat other things too, but at least with my chicken salad, I’ll know. Then Mom and I are making stewed tomatoes. Dad is making spinach dip in a bread bowl and other random loaves of bread. I am so excited. I love being in the kitchen. And tonight is Mom’s spaghetti. It is so good. I’ll count it, don’t worry.

It’s nice to be at home with the parents and the brothers. Zak’s in from Kansas and Nick is here before work. I feel like a kid again.

Have a happy Easter!

let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

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Today is a good day. Started my morning with Weight Watchers. Yes, I went. I was nervous to weigh, but I’m down 8 pounds from what the doctor’s scale said on March 6. That’s a good feeling and such a good way to start things off! And I’m only 5 pounds over the weight I was when I first started WW in March of ’03 (for the wedding). As “bad” as I’ve been the last few years, I am very proud of that as well.

I went to Panera and got an IC Mocha as my last horrah. I barely drank half. Then I went to Joseph Beth and bought a Vera Bradly binder for all my WW stuff. (I LOVE Vera Bradley!) I tend to intellectualize WW and enjoy writing down and counting and planning, and saving my old plans for when things feel stale and un-fun. I feel like I’ve got all my ducks in a row, and now I just get to watch them shrink!

As of right now, it’s a beautiful day. Nate and I are going to go to Millennium Park later to walk the trail. Then tomorrow (April 1 as promised) I will be a runner!

I made a playlist with all the songs I’ve used for blog title lyrics, and it’s pretty stinkin’ good.

My day was made by my new blogging friend. She did a gratitude list today, and I thought I would do the same.

  1. I am thankful to have a God and Savior that knows my faults and my shortcomings and loves me anyway.
  2. I am thankful to have a husband who is proud of me and puts up with my incessant questioning (“Why do you love me so much today?” “Do you have anything to tell me?”) that comes from the therapist in me.
  3. I am thankful that I know there is a plan for my life, whether that be Kentucky or Kansas or North Carolina or Oregon or Maine or the Bahamas (hey, a girl can dream!).
  4. I am thankful that I have the motivation to change my life and take charge of my health.
  5. I am thankful for Old Navy skirts and gauchos.
  6. I am thankful for healthy chicken salad.
  7. I am thankful for sunshine.
  8. I am thankful for ice water in my favorite Full Moon Cafe glass.
  9. I am thankful for sermons on podcasts.
  10. I am thankful for flip flops and crocs.

How ’bout you?

I am going to learn how to use Weight Watchers online e-tools now. Drop me a comment!

what you don’t have you don’t need it now

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I thought I posted last night. I guess I just meant to. Kansas lost. So much for my bracket. I only attended one of the showers yesterday (so sorry Vanessa!). Nate’s mom decided to stay here instead of driving back home, so I didn’t go to Lexington. I also didn’t take pics of my food intake, it was awkward around company. But I ate very well, resisting Lee’s chicken and wedding shower cake. I did have a small pineapple sundae at Dairy Queen, emphasis on small and pineapple (not chocolate, caramel, oreo, etc.). So it was a good day.

Today started out a little harder. I’ve worked so hard the last week…eating well, exercising, just focusing on my health. And a whole week with miniscule difference on the scale (like .4 of a pound). So the scale is going away. Nate is hiding it. I have to keep remembering that I am changing my health patterns for that reason: my health. A sermon I listened to earlier in the year (a gluttony series from the Village Church in Texas) talked about using likeness to God as a yardstick for success. I need to evaluate myself not based on the mirror or the scale, but by how my actions line up with the path God has set for me.

Which leads right into my main reason for my post today. The sermon at church this morning was right at me. Mike preached on Matthew 4:8-11, the third temptation of Christ. Satan offered Jesus all that He would eventually gain but without the suffering and pain. Satan offered him a shortcut. So often, we are offered shortcuts that go against the plan God has set out for us. The shortcuts may be against God’s law, or just going against the feeling I have of how He is directing me. I felt this directly hit my lack-of-baby issues. In an unexplainable way, I feel that I am being led against any medical help in getting pregnant. I need to be happy with the person God has made me, even if that is not being a mother. I need to have stronger faith and trust Him with my life – whether or not I am a mother now or ever, I am who He wants me to be. Sometimes I have trouble with this – what if the person I want to be is different that the person God wants me to be? I don’t like that possiblity. I do not doubt His power, His love, but I want my plan. So for now, I just have to let go of my plan, have faith in His plan, and find peace in knowing that today I am exactly where He wants me to be. And trust that one day, I will be a mom.

As I’m working on it, Beautiful Day by U2 comes up on iTunes…”what you don’t have you don’t need it now…It’s a beautiful day, don’t let it get away.” I have all I need. And I am thankful. I just need to work on being content.

And today it is spring. Nathan and I worked in the yard yesterday, we took 2 nice walks this weekend, and I just took pictures outside. Our spring trees are blooming! And we’re grilling for dinner (shrimp and sweet potatoes! Thanks for the recipes, Kent!)So it’s all good. Nathan has homework to do, so that is all the blogging I’ll do today. Have a great Sunday night!

what you don’t have you don’t need it now

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I thought I posted last night. I guess I just meant to. Kansas lost. So much for my bracket. I only attended one of the showers yesterday (so sorry Vanessa!). Nate’s mom decided to stay here instead of driving back home, so I didn’t go to Lexington. I also didn’t take pics of my food intake, it was awkward around company. But I ate very well, resisting Lee’s chicken and wedding shower cake. I did have a small pineapple sundae at Dairy Queen, emphasis on small and pineapple (not chocolate, caramel, oreo, etc.). So it was a good day.

Today started out a little harder. I’ve worked so hard the last week…eating well, exercising, just focusing on my health. And a whole week with miniscule difference on the scale (like .4 of a pound). So the scale is going away. Nate is hiding it. I have to keep remembering that I am changing my health patterns for that reason: my health. A sermon I listened to earlier in the year (a gluttony series from the Village Church in Texas) talked about using likeness to God as a yardstick for success. I need to evaluate myself not based on the mirror or the scale, but by how my actions line up with the path God has set for me.

Which leads right into my main reason for my post today. The sermon at church this morning was right at me. Mike preached on Matthew 4:8-11, the third temptation of Christ. Satan offered Jesus all that He would eventually gain but without the suffering and pain. Satan offered him a shortcut. So often, we are offered shortcuts that go against the plan God has set out for us. The shortcuts may be against God’s law, or just going against the feeling I have of how He is directing me. I felt this directly hit my lack-of-baby issues. In an unexplainable way, I feel that I am being led against any medical help in getting pregnant. I need to be happy with the person God has made me, even if that is not being a mother. I need to have stronger faith and trust Him with my life – whether or not I am a mother now or ever, I am who He wants me to be. Sometimes I have trouble with this – what if the person I want to be is different that the person God wants me to be? I don’t like that possiblity. I do not doubt His power, His love, but I want my plan. So for now, I just have to let go of my plan, have faith in His plan, and find peace in knowing that today I am exactly where He wants me to be. And trust that one day, I will be a mom.

As I’m working on it, Beautiful Day by U2 comes up on iTunes…”what you don’t have you don’t need it now…It’s a beautiful day, don’t let it get away.” I have all I need. And I am thankful. I just need to work on being content.

And today it is spring. Nathan and I worked in the yard yesterday, we took 2 nice walks this weekend, and I just took pictures outside. Our spring trees are blooming! And we’re grilling for dinner (shrimp and sweet potatoes! Thanks for the recipes, Kent!)So it’s all good. Nathan has homework to do, so that is all the blogging I’ll do today. Have a great Sunday night!