If your life was a television show, what would its theme song be? What music would be cued at the start of the show or when you entered a scene?

Think about this past year. Is there a song that you’ve heard that has really struck a chord, one that has spoken to you? Maybe there’s a song that goes along with your one word for 2011. Maybe there is a song that you’ve heard that instantly cheers you up or makes you think of a special moment that happened this year?

If you can find a link to a video or snippet of the song or the lyrics, please share it and explain why this song is your theme song and how it relates to your 2011.

This was probably the easiest prompt for me so far. This song is my running power song. I don’t know anything else by is such a good song. For me. Right now. Optimism + lots of use of the word "run."

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses
‘Cause here they come

Yup. That’s my theme song. Big ups to Miranda for introducing me to it!

Wanna play along with this #resound11 stuff? Prompts can be found here!

Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound…we know you’ve got one. What is your 2011 superpower?

For those of you doing the initial what the what… stop. Think about it for a moment: what have you learned that you can do better than anyone you know this year? What can you do that no one else can? Don’t be shy!

This prompt was very hard for me. Very hard. Maybe because I try to be humble. Because I recognize that for every strength, I have several weaknesses. I’ve never stopped to think about what my superpower might be.

But I think that in 2011, I’ve become fearless.

(Is that a superpower?)

I don’t doubt myself. I make big, lofty goals. I run half-marathons. I start a running group. I try on smaller jeans. I have this amazing bean dish at a restaurant on Saturday and crank out a very-close replica on Sunday. I sign up for a marathon. I buy a groupon to go repelling.

Any of these things, among a variety of other things I’ve tried, could have (and still could) result in failure. But I’m not afraid anymore. I have learned to be comfortable with the possibility of failure. I’ve learned that there is no reason to fear. Fear doesn’t serve me well. Fear only keeps me from living my life. I’ve learned that I can survive loss or failure. That I can thrive and be joyful through loss and failure. Fear does not give me joy.

There were months in 2011 where I was stalled in my process to becoming the healthiest me I can be. And the reason I was stalled? I was obsessed with the possibility that I could be pregnant. And I didn’t want to do anything to mess up any potential pregnancy. I avoided restricting my calories. I covered the distances I needed to cover, but went slow because I didn’t want to cause any harm. I let the fear of losing something (again) that I didn’t even have hold me back from being the best version of me.

I want to carry fearless over into 2012. I want to embrace fearless more in my professional life. I want to embrace fearless more in my spiritual life. I can always find more places to let my guard down and embrace change and growth.

Where could you be more fearless?

virtues

Yesterday we got down and dirty and revealed our 2011 vices; today we’ll wipe the slate clean and talk about what personal virtues we discovered in 2011.

What good have you done in 2011? Where do you really shine? What have you done that makes you proud of yourself?

In the past, I’ve struggled with a sense of entitlement. I’ve felt like I deserved more than I had. That my education, my sensibilities, my character should have somehow meant that I would have been dealt a better hand. I’ve struggled with feeling that I’ve somehow been cheated because I don’t have kids. Or a new car. Or better clothes. Or the financial ability to just pick up and move to Asheville.

But I’ve changed that. I’ve become thankful. We’ve started to really utilize what we have. We’ve become better stewards of our money. We make the best food choices we can. And we take advantage of what we have available to us geographically. We are taking time to meet and spend time with people who have similar values and interests. I am incredibly blessed. Even though I don’t have a lot of things that I feel like I “deserve.” When I get to spend a beautiful day at Shakertown with my incredible husband, how can I feel like I need anything that I don’t have?

Resound Day 2: Vices

Did you slip into any old habits that you wish you hadn’t? Did you gain any new habits that you wish you would’ve walked away from? Did you discover the evils of Nutella?

I have a lot of vices that I have to keep in check, but I think I’m able to do a pretty good job. I could easily watch too much tv, but I can restrict that without much trouble. I have to be vigilant not to be lazy around the house. Please don’t go upstairs or you’ll see Mount Saint Clean Laundry. I can’t have any sort of cracker or chip in the house or the bag is gone in one night. So I just don’t buy them. And I know that I can be trusted with a jar of Nutella most days, but not at certain times of the month. On those days, I can eat a whole stinking jar at once.

I’m having a hard time with the word “vice.” Maybe because I try to attack small problems before they become big problems. But I liked the synonym “weakness.” And I definitely have a weakness, and probable addiction.

It goes by the name Via.

These little packets of instant coffee from Starbucks. I am an addict. I’m not kidding. Some nights I go to bed excited to get up in the morning so I can have one. I so wish I was kidding. It is my only coffee of the day. And I do the closed-eye-sigh-of-contentment every stinking morning.

I was turned on to them by an old Baristo at our local Starbucks that moved to Denver over a year ago (I miss you Chad!). I used to go into the store every morning for an Iced Venti Latte. 180 calories of espresso and milk over ice. Doesn’t matter the time of year. That’s what I want. I went in one day and Chad suggested that I try Via mixed with milk. Yes, most people mix it with hot water, but he assured me, as he forced a 3-pack of Italian Roast in my hand, that it would work beautifully in milk.

It took me several days to get the ratio exactly where I like it, but it is a morning ritual now. One packet of Via with 1 1/3 cups milk. I put it in a mixing bowl and let it sit while I prep the rest of my breakfast and lunch (5 minutes maybe). Then I whisk it up and pour it over ice.

I have gotten to the point where I honestly prefer this to my Venti Iced Latte from the actual Starbucks. I almost always keep myself to one a day. On particurarly stressful days (or after a long weekend run), I may have a second. But those days are very infrequent.

We refer to Via as my “prescription.” As in, “Krissie has to stop at Starbucks and pick up a refill on her prescription.”

Via is a vice I don’t see myself letting go. I’m not the only one ’round these parts with a coffee/caffeine addiction. And the way I look at it, I’m at least getting the calcium in the milk. I mean, I’m not drinking a big Pepsi every morning.

I just felt the need to make a public confession of my vice.

Crap. Now I want another one!

Jaemie has resurrected #reverb10 from last year into #resound11. I’m so glad she did.

Prompt for Dec 1 – One Word.
What is the one word that you would use to describe your 2011? Why does that word sum up your year?

Part of me is curious to go back and read the post about the word I picked out to represent 2011 before it started. (Surely I did one, right?) But I want to write about how it ended up. And then maybe I’ll revisit.

I knew the idea for my word right away, but I tossed around a few different synonyms before zeroing in on the best word.

My word for 2011 is reclaim.

2010 was really hard. And I went into 2011 still reeling from the miscarriage and the emotional aftermath. I wanted to be in a place – emotionally, physically – that I wasn’t in. And I didn’t know how or if I could get back there.

I was determined though.

As the year went by, I became more and more focused. I put effort into reclaiming the parts of my life that I could control. I didn’t make changes all at once. I reclaimed a lot of little pieces of my life that have added up to a huge change. I am in a completely different place than I was a year ago. Completely.

I reclaimed my emotional health. I made it a point to be thankful and joyful even on days that were horrible. I looked for opportunities to get off the couch and reasons to not put my pajamas on as soon as I got home from work. I handled disappointment and anger by talking about them instead of letting them eat me from the inside. I still have hard moments, but I don’t have hard days anymore. I’ve gotten to a point where I can be honest – where I can go into my hurt and not fear that I won’t be able to climb back out.

I reclaimed my physical health. I started running regularly again. I will run over 700 miles this year by the time it is over. I’ve ran 3 half-marathons in 2011. I broke my habit of eating from emotions. I’ve gotten back into recording my food and losing weight again. I’m at my lowest adult weight. And I have a lot of momentum right now. I feel fantastic.

I reclaimed control in areas of my life that I thought were things I just had to accept. We are in control of our finances instead of letting them control us. Our house is cleaner than what had become the usual. I’m actively trying to figure out where I should be professionally. I’m way ahead of our Christmas responsibilities so the holidays can be as stress-free as possible. I’m not letting things happen to me, I’m making things happen.

I reclaimed myself in 2011. As hard as 2010 (and the first few months of 2011) were, I truly had to dig down deep and find out who I was. I had to depend on my marriage. I had to trust my ability to know what the best decision was and then to follow through with that action. I had to trust that I was worth more work and more effort than I felt like putting into myself. I made a thousand tiny little "best possible" decisions that snowballed into me being able to sit here and say that I know who I am. That I pulled myself back together. That I’m back.

I’m back.

I thought seriously about not blogging about this. Because I don’t want to have to answer to you guys if I fail. Because I don’t want to jinx myself. Because I don’t know if I can do it. Because I know I should get goals that are based on behaviors instead of results.

But I can’t help myself. Because I’m more interested to see if I can than afraid that I can’t. And I don’t want to look back on the next few months (like the last few months) and think that I didn’t even try.

I’m going to reach a normal weight, friends.

I took a break in November. I needed some time to not think about numbers. I didn’t worry about calories in. I didn’t try to meet a mileage goal. I just did enough. I just tried to not lose any ground. After 4 months of Operation Bridesmaid and training for 2 half-marathons, I needed a break. And it was a nice reset.

That’s what it was. And I’m ready to get this done. I’m ready to finish what I started.

The marathon is in 157 days. 22 weeks and change. I will cover a lot of ground (literally) in the next 157 days. And I’m going to do whatever I can to have less to carry over that finish line.

I weighed in a few days ago. And somehow – after a month of half-assing and a holiday weekend – I was down two and a half pounds and saw my lowest weight so far. I’ve tracked and ran hard and been focused the last few days, and I was rewarded this morning. Another half pound down.

171.5.

That weight has helped relight my fire. I am incredibly close to the 160′s. And that is a number that I don’t ever remember seeing on a scale. I remember being happy in high school at 185, in college at 180. I was content there.

But today, I’m not content. I want to be an efficient athlete. I am closer to "normal" than I have ever been. I’ve had so many successes lately (smoked previous half-marathon time, ran 8 miles beside my husband, bought Gap jeans in a 10). And I’m excited to keep going. I’m excited to see what I look like at a "normal" weight.

I understand that it may not be realistic to expect myself to lose a lot of weight while training for the marathon, but I’m not going to use that thought as an excuse. I’m gonna bust it. I’m gonna focus on my food intake. I’m going to eat when I’m hungry, and I’ll eat quality food. I have hundreds of miles ahead of me. I can do this. And every pound I lose will make the marathon a little bit easier.

The marathon is my goal date. May 6. Just like with my half-marathon goals, I’m setting graduated goals for my weight loss over the next 22 weeks:

Happy Goal:

• 147. I really think this is doable. A pound + a little is where I lose when I am pretty focused. I don’t know how my body will react when I get to lower weights, but I’m assuming (= crossing my fingers) everything will work out.
• 25 pounds from current weight. 92 pounds lost from the beginning (way back in February 2010).
• 1.13 pounds a week.
• BMI of 25.1. On the cusp of normal (without being a partial pound, and I like the sound of 25 pounds from now). I’ll take that.

Very Happy Goal:

• 139. (wow. that’s a scary number) This is a very lofty goal. I recognize that. But I’ve been known to surprise myself before.
• 33 pounds from current weight. 100 pounds lost from the beginning.
• 1.5 pounds a week.
• BMI of 23.9. That’s normal with a cushion. That would be awesome.

So there it is. (deep frightened breath) Can I do this? I don’t know. But I’m gonna give it everything I have. And that’s what I will be happy with. I think I can be happy with effort but work towards a number.

You know what I don’t have though? An ounce of creativity today. I need you to help me name my goal! (Keeping in mind that the marathon I’m running is the Flying Pig.)

All I’ve got is "the Pig Push" and I don’t like that at all. I’m seriously stuck.

Any ideas?

So I had basically the best Thanksgiving ever.

venti iced latte for the road

turkey trot 5K

we cut down our own Christmas tree

this girl hung out with us all weekend!

she taught Uncle Nate how to play cards

my mom helped me feed 11 at my house (and I only put my favorites on my plate)

Nathan and I ran a soggy 8-miler together (and the first few with Erin)

and they spelled my name right on my post-run latte with one pump each peppermint and white chocolate

I hope your weekend was as awesome. Now I just have to stay awake a few more hours. I can’t go to bed at 6pm. Even though I’d love to.

Okay, Universe. I’m lost.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. All I know is that every time I think that maybe my current career may be somewhat satisfactory, You let me know that I’m not supposed to be here forever. You remind me that this is temporary. You remind me that I could be much happier doing something else. You show me that this isn’t going to work for me. You throw up roadblocks where things should be easy. You show me that this isn’t where I’m supposed to be. It is okay for me to be here today, but I won’t be here forever.

The problem is that I have no idea where I AM supposed to be.

Here’s what I know. I’m great with people. I’m creative. I’m organized. I am really good helping people find their own solutions to their problems. I’m good with kids. I’m a licensed therapist that doesn’t want to do work with people who are seriously mentally ill. I don’t have the resources to go back to school, and I wouldn’t even know what to do if I did. That’s all I know.

So here’s what I do. I keep on. I keep my eyes open. I keep my heart open. I keep myself on the ready to follow any path that You present to me.

I am on the ready.

I had a very craptastic day yesterday. As in, no fun at all. The worst bad mood I’d had in a long time. I tried and tried to shake it. I posted a dozen thankful pictures on twitter. I worked on my Thanksgiving menu. I spent some time on Pinterest. My horrible mood just wasn’t going away. I guess that’s what happens when I feel overlooked and slighted and unappreciated.

Anyway, we decided to put our housecleaning off by a day and go to the mall and the grocery store. Just to get in the Christmas spirit. We’d wander around Williams Sonoma. We’d buy a few things for our Thanksgiving dinner (on Saturday). We’d just be a little busy, maybe distract me a little.

I found myself in Gap. For my birthday, Miranda had given me a coupon for a free pair of jeans. I decided that I was going to buy a 10. You know, for motivation. I can fit in all of my old “skinny” clothes, so I don’t really have any goal clothes anymore. I grabbed a pair of 10s off the shelf and decided to try them on so I’d know how much work I had to do. I really did this for motivation. I never expected what happened to happen.

They fit. And they are fit for public consumption. Not “I need to lose 5 pounds before I wear them outside.” Not “they button but the muffin top is horrible.” No, my friends. They fit. And they are a 10.

My Gap only carries jeans up to 16. And I remember the happy fit I threw in the store when those fit. I remember the tears. And here I am, one size away from a single digit.

I know I’m doing this for my health. I know I should really let go of the numbers. But yesterday I really needed a win.

And that number felt really good.

My goals for November? Um, yeah. I’ve had to reasses them.

The good news? Christmas presents are DONE. I have to order a few things for Nathan, but the big time-consuming gifts are done. And that is where I’ve been putting all of my time and energy. (Recipients better be appreciative, that’s all I know.) And I’ve reached peace with that. Because now that those tasks are over, I can get back to regular scheduled programming.

So that means that I haven’t been food-focused. I haven’t been writing. And I’ve been enjoying the post-race-season exhale. So I haven’t been pounding the pavement as much either. I’ve been following my schedule, but it hasn’t been anywhere near my usual mileage.

I was kinda nervous to get on the scale this morning, but I did. And I was up .2 since the beginning of November. That’s "point 2." I’ll take that all day long. I’m glad that I didn’t do more damage (with all the pizza, chocolate chips, beer, etc). But I’m not happy with that. I want the scale to go down again.

Here’s the thing. I’m okay with the scale not moving. I would be okay with staying the weight I am now if I was doing what I know I need to do. But I’m not okay with half-assing this health thing. I’m not okay with letting my healthy habits go out the window as soon as life gets crazy. Because the holidays are coming really soon. I’ll have plenty of opportunities to make excuses. And I need to get away from them. I need to stop making excuses. I need to focus.

I’m not throwing in the towel. I’m not calling Holidays 2011 a wash. I’m tightening my bootstraps. I’m creating an action plan. I’m moving right along.

I’m reassessing my November goals, making them behavior based, and spreading them out until the end of the year. Here you have my 3-step plan for rocking the last 40 days of 2011.

Eat
- record every bite on myfitnesspal – the good, the bad and the ugly.
- photograph every bite. #accountabilitytweet until it becomes ingrained, habit (and annoying – not for me, but for you).

Run
- #Runstreak. I want to run at least a mile every day between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Just to get my habits strong again.
- I will follow my training schedule to the letter. Even when I’m tired and/or grouchy.

Write
- 1000 words a day. I think having the 2000/day goal was really ambitious time-wise. And when I didn’t have the time to sit down and write that long, I just didn’t sit down to write at all. So if it takes me twice as long to get where I want to go, that’s fine. As long as I’m getting closer to finished every day.

I will celebrate the holidays without guilt. I will not feel guilty for what I eat or what I don’t eat. I will not feel guilty for taking time out to take care of myself. I will not allow myself to push pause on my health until the end of the year. There will be indulgences, don’t doubt that. But recording the indulgences will keep them in check.

So how are you handling the holidays, health-wise?