Lent update – somewhere in the middle

Posted on March 13, 2012 by krissie

Things are getting real, my friends.

First, I must admit that my letter-a-day thing crashed and burned. One thing I should have learned from Lents past is that I’m not good at adding things to my life. I’m just not. I’m busy. I’m tired. Running has me sleeping so much. This goal just wasn’t good for me. I mailed 2 letters (yes, 2). I wrote 5 or 6 more that I stuck somewhere while needing stamps. So that one gets a big fat F.

The No-Spend Lent has gotten really hard. For several reasons.

1) Groupon/Living Social/email coupons. I see things that I want. That are a “good deal.” And I want to buy them. Dance classes? Yes, please! 75% off airfare to Philadelphia? Why not?! I want to unsubscribe, but what if I miss something that I can’t live without? I’ve stared deleting them when I see the sender without reading the email. I’m hoping to unsubscribe before Lent is over, but we’ll see.

2) Tax refund. We were the recipients of a very nice tax refund this year. If we weren’t doing No-Spend Lent, we would probably have a new bed. Or a new computer. I definitely would have bought a new purse. But nope. State went to savings. Federal will go to the credit card. Nothing fun. Nothing fun at all. I don’t like being an adult right now.

3) I didn’t realize what eating out meant to me aside from the food. Yes, I love Starbucks and I love Qdoba. I thought I just loved how they taste and maybe the experience of interacting with my friends who work there. But in reality? I love the ease of it. I don’t have to think about what to buy at the grocery store. I don’t have to cut onions or dirty dishes or find a whisk. I just park, go in, get my food, eat it, and discard any trace of it. And I miss that. I miss being able to eat a few times a week without planning, without having to think about it. I miss that a lot.

4) At this very minute, I am hungry. Really hungry. I didn’t plan my snacks well. I ate my typical after-lunch snack before lunch. And my lunch (which should have been satisfying) actually made me hungrier. I have money in my purse. I could easily walk down a flight of stairs and buy peanut m&ms. Or animal crackers. Or trail mix. But, thanks to the encouragement of my twitter friends, I’m still sitting in my chair. Being cranky. And hungry.

I know we did this two years ago, but I reallly don’t remember it being this hard. Maybe because we were going to Asheville immediately after so it felt like we were just saving for that trip, but this time there is no endgame. Or maybe it sucked so bad that I’m just blocking it from my memory.

How are you doing with your Lent promises?

Instagram

Posted on March 12, 2012 by krissie

Friends. I have an obsession. With Instagram.

I can’t believe the quality of the pictures my phone can take. And I go back and forth with how I use this app. When I have a lot of time, I’ll take a picture in the app. And sometimes take multiple pictures. But when I only have time to take one picture, I’ll take it in the regular camera mode and then upload into Instagram and play around with it later.

Here are some of my favorites from the last month.

valentine's day wine.

lobster crepes

new sunglasses on a cold day

we have Punch Brothers tickets!

morning snow that was gone by evening

drinking from Kelly's favorite water glass

nap socks

Do you Instagram? Do you have favorites? I’d love to see them!

18 miles – and a few days leading up to it

Posted on March 11, 2012 by krissie

Marathon training is ramping up. The Flying Pig is in 55 days! At this point, I’m feeling really good. Really good. I’m not nervous. I know we can do this.

Last week, a local runner (who is a trainer, olympic trial qualifier, very fast guy, kinda big deal) answered my training buddy’s question about fueling. His suggestion to not being hungry during long runs? Add calories to our pre-run days and add gatorade during runs. A week ago, I would have straight-out rejected this. I want to lose weight, darn it! I’m not going to load up and blow my calories today for a run tomorrow! Who knows if it will even work anyway. Besides, Gatorade is yucky. I don’t drink empty calories! Who do you think I am?!?

But with my eyes taken off of weight loss and my focus put onto being the strongest marathoner I could be, I took his advice.

Thursday, Erin and I experimented with Gatorade. Just to make sure our stomachs could handle it on the run. It was one of the most miserable runs I’ve had in a long time because of the rain. Good grief, yo. The rain was incredibly. It never let up. We were soaked. When compared to a full gallon of milk, I estimate my clothes weighed 6 pounds. The good news? My body didn’t reject the Gatorade. Lesson learned.

I made a point Friday to not worry about calories. I wanted to take Kevin’s advice, so I ate. I didn’t eat junk, but I ate more than I would usually ate. I ate a higher calorie breakfast than usual. I went back for a second serving of dinner. I ate a bowl of peanut butter cheerios (glorious!) after dinner. I felt satisfied. I didn’t overeat. I didn’t eat any crap. I didn’t worry about calories at all. I just ate what I thought was healthy for a pre-long run day.

dinner. yum.

Saturday morning came. I ate my usual long run breakfast. I stuffed my pack with Gu. I had gatorade in the car to grab at our halfway point. And off we went.

Friends, it was one of my best runs ever. The weather was beautiful. I felt strong. I felt solid. I never got that stomach-completely-empty feeling. I only hated running once – and it was going up a hill about 3 miles from the end. I hate that Erin was having some knee issues (I would have piggy-backed you, E!), but it also solidified for me that we are totally a team out there. I have no worries that we can make it through this marathon.

I knew fueling was my issue, but until I gave up weight loss, I don’t think I was truly ready to let go of my fear of gaining weight. I don’t think I was able to fuel the way I needed to until I had to radically change my thinking as it related to my goal. I had to make the marathon my #1 goal, no matter what it means to my weight loss.

flour mill around miles 12 and 14

And it was worth it. I’ll definitely accept stalled weight in exchange for running 18 miles (eighteen!) without feeling much physical discontentment at all. But a week ago? I was too stubborn. I had a weight in mind that I wanted to see before the marathon. I was getting more and more frustrated that I wasn’t getting there. And all it took was a change in mindset. It took me telling you all about it. It took me putting my money where my mouth is and actually putting the marathon ahead of my weight loss.

And today I can do that. I am doing that. I’ll accept a constant weight in exchange for feeling strong and confident. I’ll gladly down that gatorade on the back half of my run. And I’ll gladly eat extra calories the next 8 Fridays without guilt. Gladly.

I’ll also gladly watch this guy sleep after a long run. (You know I couldn’t post pictures without one of Nate. Come on.)

is my weight holding me back?

Posted on March 6, 2012 by krissie

I didn’t know when I wrote my last post that it would be Part 1 of 2. But it is. Thanks to Emily’s most recent post. She made me really stop and take inventory of what I have accomplished, what I still want, and what is in my way.

The other day, I talked about my priority. That there are things I’m going to have to let go in order to be the strongest marathoner I can be. But today, I’ve decided to let go of something that maybe I don’t need anymore.

I know I’ve talked before about letting go of the scale. But I keep going back. Because I wanted to accomplish something. But now, I’m really questioning the importance of that. I look back at what I’ve wanted for so long. I go back and read my blog and see where I’ve been. And where I am.
And that is a cause of almost constant frustration. I’m in a holding pattern weight-wise since September. That’s a long time to yo-yo 5 pounds.

But I don’t know why that matters anymore. I look at what goals I’ve had. And I can only think of 2 that I haven’t accomplished.

• Buy jeans in a single-digit size.
• Lose 100 lbs. total and be a “normal” weight.

And I’m starting to wonder – seriously – why that is so important. Why those 30 pounds are such a big deal.

Let’s look at what I already have:

• I am safely out of “obese” territory. I am still overweight, but I’m not obese.
• I feel pretty. I don’t feel like people look at me as “fat” anymore. I know how to dress my body. Unless it is crazy hormone time, I feel as content with my body as I think I ever will.
• I have a group of ladies who run with me every week. I have created real, physical community.
• I eat a very healthy diet 90% of the time. We eat limited meat and minimal processed foods.
• I feel very strong in my marathon training. I am excited about running 18 miles on Saturday.

I think it may be time to let go of my weight-related goals. Because, really, what do they matter? Will losing 30 more pounds change anything? Will it really make my life any better?

I am runner. I am healthy. I am happy. I am not hiding, avoiding, or scared of anything.

I am living.

There are very few things that I hold on to in my life that can steal my happiness. But I give the scale and the weight loss struggle the power to emotionally break me. When I’ve had an awesome week and the scale shows me a one pound gain. Or when I’ve eaten really well that day but, because it was a rest day, I’m still over my calorie allotment. Or when I’ve denied myself something to eat – even though I’m hungry – just so I don’t go over my calorie budget.

The main source of frustration in my life is starting to seem like an unimportant point.

I don’t want to struggle if it isn’t for an important reason. Is it really worth all the analyzing and food restriction and frustration to lose weight that isn’t holding me back from anything?

Yes, friends. I just said that. I can’t identify anything that my weight is holding me back from. I can’t think of anything – except seeing numbers on a scale or in a pair of jeans – that losing more weight even plays a role in. Everything that I wanted to do – and be – in my “after” weight-loss life has been accomplished. Except for a few numbers. And how important are they?

I will still continue to track my calories, though, because I need that. Just like I can’t be responsible with money without keeping an eye on my checking account, I can’t be responsible with food unless I keep track of what I’m eating. I’m upping my caloric goal by a few hundred calories to what I need to maintain my weight. And then I’m not going to worry about it.

I don’t know how long this will last. But I’m going to try really hard to just let it go. To be content. To have perspective. To remember that my weight is not the only factor that determines my health. To remember that I am healthy, I am happy, I am beautiful. And i hope that I will continue to let go of things that aren’t that important and that get in the way of my happiness.

And today, that is my weight-loss efforts.

a little horn tootin’ – and a lesson

Posted on March 1, 2012 by krissie

So you all know I’m training for that little thing called a marathon. I haven’t talked about it a lot here because – honestly – I’ve been busy training and haven’t talked about much here at all.

But I want to tell you about February. I broke 100 miles this month. 111.91 miles ran in February, to be exact. My previous best month? 86.84 in October 2011. So not even close. And I also had my longest run this month too. Saturday, Erin and I ran 16 miles. On a tough, very hilly course.

February has been a big month.

And the coolest thing about February? This is the most secure I’ve felt as a runner. I have very little doubt right now. I’m not nervous before my long runs. I am not being plagued by any physical pain or discomfort. I feel great, physically and emotionally. I am in a good place all around, and I feel like I owe a lot of that to what running gives me.

I have had to realize, though, that training for a marathon makes some things fall by the wayside. The house isn’t ready for people to just drop by anytime. I hate having to do a whirlwind cleaning before we have company, but we don’t have time for a daily cleaning schedule when we’re running almost every day. I am preparing all our meals for the week on Sundays because I don’t have time to cook during the week. I’m cooking big batches of staples, so I’m missing out on variety and creativity. And that’s okay too. Because we are going to be
marathoners. I’m wearing my hair in a ponytail almost every day because sleep is more important than primping. My weight isn’t dropping like I would hope it would because I am always so freaking hungry. But finishing a marathon strong is so much more important than finishing a marathon skinny.

I’m having to learn to let little things go so I can meet my big goal.

The life lessons of the marathon start long before the race does.

(It is okay to roll your eyes at that. I just did too.)

Lent Update

Posted on February 29, 2012 by krissie

Okay, friends. We’re a week into Lent. How is it going?

I have to admit that I am getting so much from other people’s Lent promises. My dear sweet Miranda gave up social media. I was so afraid I’d lose track of her, but the exact opposite has happened. We have a running email chain with my closest girls that has inspired and motivated me. Thanks to Tina’s Positivity Promise, she provided me with hope and calm at a moment I really needed it. It has been wonderful. I love Lent.

My own promises have been challenging. I’m a day behind on my Letter-A-Day campaign, but I have a plan to catch up. No problem.

No-Spend is TOUGH. It is amazing how much I want. Not big things, just little things. Starbucks. Peanut M&Ms from the vending machine. That app for the iPhone that makes running into a fleeing from zombies game. Nothing major. Just stuff. Things that I think will increase my happiness. Things that I think will make a difference. But none of them will change the big picture. I think I’m going to start keeping a list of “wants” and see what I think I would still be benefiting from when Lent is over. I’m not going to have a big spending day after Lent, I’m just curious.

I will buy the 7.99 zombie app on Easter, though. Because I recognize the hilarity in buying a zombie app to celebrate the resurrection.

accountability eats!

Posted on February 22, 2012 by krissie

I know that two days out from my long run are my RunGry days. This week, it was days two AND three. I took a ton of food to work and tried to figure out how to best combat it.

I typically don’t find success in small, frequent meals. But Monday I figured out that RunGry attacks frequently but is easy to bed back down. So Tuesday I tried to separate what I would usually eat together and spaced them out throughout the day. And it worked!

7:30 - Via and a Chocolate Pumpkin Muffin

10(ish) - a banana

Noon - Lentil salad and spinach in a wrap + sweet peppers

throughout the day - 3 dates

3:30 - yogurt!

5:00 - tall coffee frap + whipped cream

6:15 - easy and slower 4 miles in my minimalist shoes

7:45 - Hawaiian lasagna and spinach with mustard viniagrette

By the numbers: 1729 calories in – 539 calories out = 1190 net calories.

Typically, I would have eaten the banana with breakfast. I would have also eaten the yogurt with lunch. My typical appetite shows up less frequently but takes more to be satisfied, but RunGry attacks more often but needs less to turn it off. I’m so glad I figured this out!

Do you struggle with being super hungry after a hard workout?

questions for dessert